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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Not wanting a poly life" Not wanting a poly life (7) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Thu 11 Jun 09, 1:25 PM Hisnadiya 4 yrs To make sure that my actual topic is understood i need to give the back story so please bare with me for a few minutes. A few months ago before my Master and i actually got our M/s relationship to start working when He was just my boyfriend my Master strayed for 2 months with a girl He worked with. But before this girl found out He convinced her that it would help our relationship if He was able to be with other girls by bringing them in as OUR pet. This girl has owned her own pets before one as a Mommy Dom and the other in more of a way of her just being there for me. Because of this He agreed that He would let me find her, break her, and teach Him how He should act towards her so this girl wouldn't feel like He was trying to replace her. Well, a week or so after He convinced me of this i found out He had actually been cheating. This girl has never been cheated on before so it was a new kind of pain for her to try to deal with. Not only did He do it but the night i found out He refused to stop seeing the other girl whom i trusted Him with because she was everything He always said he found unattractive. The next day after He came in to me crying in the bath He agreed to stop seeing her. Then a week or so later she said she was pregnant. At this point i told Master that until it was all over and i was comfortable and trusting again W/we would not be getting a pet until i said it was okay. Master agreed to this, and after a while the girl got rid of the child after my Master made it clear to her He had no desire to be in its life. This girl has never been cheated on before by anyone but at the same time she has never before been willing to rebuild her trust in someone once they break it to a certain extent. But this girl loves her Master so much, He's her whole world and wouldn't know what at all to do if He wasn't in her life. The issue now is that my Master has now again stated that He wants for us to get a pet. A few weeks ago He stated to a friend of mine who knows about Him wanting to get someone else that W/we might not have to because of how W/we are now. This gave me hope and a happiness i hadn't felt in a while. And not long after that He said He was thinking of getting an engagement ring for this girl. But once i stated to Him that there was no way i would allow another girl in if W/we were engaged He stopped talking about it. i know most of Y/you are going to tell me if i cannot trust Him i shouldn't be with Him, or that i should try to talk to Him about it all. Well, i have tried, but every time i do He just becomes angry and acts like i have no right to be upset when He says He wants to sleep with other girls. He acts as if He's done nothing wrong and that i have no reason to be upset at all. He does nothing to show that He's trying to regain my trust, but says He doesn't want to loose me. i refuse to sit back and let another girl be with my Master and boyfriend of a year and eight months again. This girl has made it very clear to her Master that if she does leave there is no chance of her ever returning to Him because she doesn't want to be hurt again. But in my opinion my Master has no right to ask me now after everything He did to be okay with bringing some girl into our lives. Every time He says it it makes me feel as if He doesn't want me, love or care about me, like i'm no longer enough for Him, like i'm not a good enough pet for Him. But when i express these thoughts to Him He blows it off like there's no reason i should feel this way. Has anyone else ever had their Master/Mistress break their trust in this way? Or ever stood against their Dominate when this is something they didn't want or were not okay with do to previous actions? 11 Jun 09, 3:12 PM Paper_of_the_Pen CA, 3 yrs So first off, let me say that I personally have never been in this situation while in a M/s relationship. My 'first love', however, did cheat on me, so I'm going to take what I gleaned from that experience and tell you what I think... You are hurt and miserable. Possibly you don't realize this, but I'm going to assume that you see your own pain to some extent. If you were to leave the relationship for a few months, I think you would realize more-so how much anguish you are in now. You want him to not-cheat on you because you love him. It should be simple, you think. "If he loves me he will try to make me happy. He will not cheat on me if I tell him how important it is to me." These thoughts are correct. He may love you to some extent, but it is clear that he loves himself far more. Given this, I do not think he is your soul-mate. If he isn't willing to change, then you must BE the change you want. There is no future to your relationship and the pain will, instead of dissipating, continue to build up ever more. No one should have to live in that much pain. Having said this, I believe it is in your best interest to leave him immediately. Go to a safe place where he cannot contact you and where you cannot contact him. I know the pain of leaving someone you love with your whole heart crushes you, but it will be that much worse the longer you wait. I hope that my thoughts help you. I realize they may not or that you may choose to not follow my advice given. I'm okay with that. I hope you'll be okay. 11 Jun 09, 4:26 PM Hisnadiya 4 yrs Thank you much for your advice, i'm taking everything everyone has to say into consideration. i've told Him and He knows that what He did was for nothing but selfish reasons as is all cheating unless in my opinion the current relationship is abusive in some way. my Master has me keep a journal which i am to write everything i feel i cannot say to Him in because of my past i find it very hard to open up to people because i don't want anyone having anything they could use to hurt me or to give them the power to hurt me. But I gave Him that power and He used it to hurt me. But after i posted this message i wrote Him a 6 page front and back letter explaining how i feel to the fullest. my Master saved me from so much pain that my life before Him had, He's the only person i can say that i've ever believed meant it when they said they loved me. And yes He did make a huge mistake, and i want nothing more than to make things work. i promised myself i would do nearly anything to fix any issue that we come to. Given that at that point i never thought this would be one of them doesn't mean i will break my promise to myself. No, i wont let some other girl into our lives just because He wants it because no other girl will ever be willing to give herself to Him completely like i have and want to and because of that He owes me the respect i deserve for wanting to do so. This pet has decided though that if He cannot understand my stand on this and respect it that she will leave and wont look back for any reason no matter how much it hurts her to be away from Him. Again, thank you. 11 Jun 09, 10:36 PM masters_little_toy UK, 6 yrs Sending a hug for you, this is a hard time but you will get through it, trust your instincts. 12 Jun 09, 11:15 PM Hisnadiya 4 yrs thank you for your support. 14 Jun 09, 8:09 AM PyroGX US(AK), 3 yrs First off I agree with the advice given so far, and the general lack of trust this master engenders, however... Hisnadiya wrote: No, i wont let some other girl into our lives just because He wants it Seems like you aren't seeing his side here then. Especially odd for someone who just posted that HE doesn't understand YOUR issues. Hisnadiya wrote: because no other girl will ever be willing to give herself to Him completely like i have and want to This is just self-serving.... no-ones love is as great as yours? really? Hisnadiya wrote: and because of that He owes me the respect i deserve for wanting to do so. Okay, here you are right. But don't fool yourself with the other stuff you said. At this point it isn't about him, it is about YOU. What you feel you deserve, what you want, and what your are.. or in this case, are not willing to give up for it. Just be clear about motives here. 22 Jun 09, 5:22 AM landstoree US(LA), 2 yrs Hisnadiya wrote: Not wanting a poly life i know most of Y/you are going to tell me if i cannot trust Him i shouldn't be with Him, or that i should try to talk to Him about it all. Well, i have tried, but every time i do He just becomes angry and acts like i have no right to be upset when He says He wants to sleep with other girls. He acts as if He's done nothing wrong and that i have no reason to be upset at all. He does nothing to show that He's trying to regain my trust, but says He doesn't want to loose me. i refuse to sit back and let another girl be with my Master and boyfriend of a year and eight months again. This girl has made it very clear to her Master that if she does leave there is no chance of her ever returning to Him because she doesn't want to be hurt again. But in my opinion my Master has no right to ask me now after everything He did to be okay with bringing some girl into our lives. Every time He says it it makes me feel as if He doesn't want me, love or care about me, like i'm no longer enough for Him, like i'm not a good enough pet for Him. But when i express these thoughts to Him He blows it off like there's no reason i should feel this way. Has anyone else ever had their Master/Mistress break their trust in this way? Or ever stood against their Dominate when this is something they didn't want or were not okay with do to previous actions? The issue is honesty. Trust is essential in many relationships, and from what I know of M/s relationships, the honesty and trust is far more necessary than in vanilla relationships. While my experience with M/s relationships is limited, I have far more experience in vanilla relationships than I care to recall. While it is possible to have a vanilla relationship that does not involve much trust, I think that it is much more difficult to have a M/s relationship lacking trust (dare I call it impossible?). Vanilla relationships are treated more and more as equal to equal in all things: legal, economic, emotional, etc. As each person can come and go at will the lack of trust can be compensated for by a corresponding increase in the personal security of the participants. A M/s relationship is unequal by definition and desire. You are a slave, by your choice, and you must have a Master you can trust. I would say that your current Master is not going to be honest with you. He has lied to you and sees this as his right. This may be so, but as a slave you must have a Master that you can trust in order to serve Him with devotion. I see this as very important to you from your words. You should consider what is most important to you: serving this Master, whom you cannot trust, or finding a master you can trust. Finding what you really need requires that you are honest with yourself about what you need, honest with your Master, and that your Master is honest with you. 10 Jul 09, 5:46 PM Cor_Cordis 2 yrs Hisnadiya wrote: Not only did He do it but the night i found out He refused to stop seeing the other girl whom i trusted Him with because she was everything He always said he found unattractive. Fail. I love it when guys do that. The next day after He came in to me crying in the bath He agreed to stop seeing her. Well, that was nice. Then a week or so later she said she was pregnant. Now that kind of sucks. But this girl loves her Master so much, He's her whole world and wouldn't know what at all to do if He wasn't in her life. Change is sometimes for the better, just throwing that out there. And not long after that He said He was thinking of getting an engagement ring for this girl. But once i stated to Him that there was no way i would allow another girl in if W/we were engaged He stopped talking about it. Epic fail. Tell him to go Mormon. Well, i have tried, but every time i do He just becomes angry and acts like i have no right to be upset when He says He wants to sleep with other girls. lolwut? I'd be quite upset if my Master said he wanted to sleep with other girls. How does he expect you to react? He wants guilt-free sex with no strings attached? He's in the wrong species. Well, my heart goes out to you. I couldn't imagine dealing with someone's immovable will, especially if it's pretty corrupt. He got a girl pregnant, then decided he wasn't gonna take responsibility for it, then wanted some more sex from other people. Are you sure you want to do this? I know you love him, and I know he's your Master, but... He can't make you feel fulfilled in bits and pieces and then act like a village doorknob. I feel like I should tell you it's not your fault, but I can't really say that, can I? I've just seen situations like these too much. Now, is he after kinky sex or does he want an actual M/s relationship? Because there is a very large difference between the two. Quite fascinating. Oh, and how are things now? Call an optimist, she's turning blue while I just sit and stare at you. Edited 10 Jul 09, 5:50 PM by Cor_Cordis