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	TSR : Web boards : Internal Enslavement : "Unwanted IE" 1 2 3 Unwanted IE (23) This post is on the Internal Enslavement web board. Sat 23 May 09, 7:42 AM symphony 5 yrs I have been dealing with this alone now for nearly 5 months and am just not able to understand how to deal with it. I also want to be very careful not to say anything that might be seen as disrespectful to my former owner. That being said, here is my problem. Our relationship dissolved in Jan 2009 and I left my fulltime 24/7 service in Feb. During the initial hurt and upset of it all, most of my focus was on relocating, employment etc. Now that the dust has settled and I am calm, rational and dealing successfully with the grief of the loss of it all, I find that I am left with an unwanted IE connected to Him. I was not sure it was totally specific to Him, but have checked and tested this and yes, I still feel Internally Enslaved to my former owner. And embarrassingly enough, now I am beginning to beg Him for considering a restart of my slavery to Him even though I know it did not work and that He no longer wants me and if I am honest, I should not want Him. In the "real" world, reason tells me to forget it all and move on. Tell me this, how do you rid yourself of Internal Enslavement for a former owner? I did not ask for the IE to develop, it started on its own. I was not in control of it. So how do I control its demise? I thank you for your responses in advance. the former slave tsina 23 May 09, 12:13 PM SeanT70 9 yrs Ultimately, how you became Internally Enslaved was to your former M, so you'd perhaps need to look at discussing how to pull away from that with him - 'if' that's what you really want more than returning to him (which is obviously against all logic, and you've said he doesn't want you to go back) Those unwanted attacks of IE come from instilled triggers that have been placed in your mind through the course of your slavery over time, and now you need a way of resetting them. Obviously, there will be repercussions for both sides when a split like this happens in an M/s relationships, given the gearing is somewhat different to normal ones; what part did he play in taking care of the obvious come down that you'd go through after your split?; at an emotional level, your 'everything' will have been invested in him, making it harder for you go let go of some of the things that you do, that you could've changed easily in a normal relationship. Feel free to memo, Sean. Lovingly Owned by ~Miss Phay~ 23 May 09, 1:07 PM symphony 5 yrs In my heart, I would tell you that He does not want me to destroy the IE that He witnessed being created in the environment He created. There was never a "formal" release in the way that there was a formal collaring. Obviously, I have discussed with Him the ramifications of the continued existence of the IE. He has asked what He can do to help. Help what? Destroy it or feed it? His answer remains as it has been. He does nothing. No input at all. He believes in letting me have the "space" to do as I choose, calling this His consistency. This is probably why we are where we are. I will gain no assistance from Him on this matter. My preference will be jaded. Of course, i wish to return to the familiarity of the service to Him. That may not be best for Him or for me. I think what is best for me would be a clean slate as He is clear in the expression that He no longer wants me in His service. I deserve therefore to be allowed to serve someone who would wish to possess me. So I ask again, how do I rid myself of an unwanted IE? 23 May 09, 3:15 PM SL_precious CA, 3 yrs slave_tsina wrote: So I ask again, how do I rid myself of an unwanted IE? i know this might sound cliché and it kinda sucks but the true answer is time.. its only natural that you will have these feelings and a strong connection to him... and as much as you may want to have them go away there is no magic eraser...the best thing you can do right now is focus on you ..take some time to find yourself again..try to replace his voice in your head with your own and in time his voice will fade , then when you are ready you will be able to move on and give yourself to another. I wish you all the best SL's precious 23 May 09, 3:47 PM slave_emma US(OK), 5 yrs Y! When I left my former Master I had similar feelings and it did take sometime to move past those feelings. Coming to terms with the failed relationship does take time. Like you I found employment after my release and a place to live. But in my spare time I found my thoughts drifting towards him. I knew that the best choice for me was to never be with him again so I decided to find other ways to focus my energy. I knew that at some point in the future, I would want a Master. So I sat down and made a list of things that I thought would increase my level of service to a potential Master. Then I started working on those things. It kept me busy and I was focused on making me a better and more valuable person. I also made a point not to contact my former Master. If I had feelings that I felt I needed to share I would write them down in a diary or a private blog. I opted not to make my feeling public because at the time I didn't need or want anyone else's approval. It took about a year for me to get over my former Master before I felt like I was able to begin the search for a new Master. I knew there were some things in my previous relationship that I didn't want in my next relationship. So once again I made a list of those things and I became very picky in my search for a Master. Overtime, I did find the perfect Master for me, but it didn't happen over night. Best wishes, slave emma Master Howard's little girl 23 May 09, 4:41 PM symphony 5 yrs Thank you for that. Funnily enough, that is exactly what my current plan of action has been. I started a list of qualities that I wanted to exhibit as a slave, even without an owner. I am not sure that I would ever have the confidence to serve again. My trust in the process has been so damaged. But I do hope that you are right and that one day I may feel able to trust again. I know that getting over a break up takes time. It has actually been easy to overcome that part. I did not even know that the IE was still alive until I was in close confines with Him and felt the overwhelming desire to drop to the floor and curl up around His feet. The yearning to serve eats away at me and I ache for that feeling of success at the end of the day when I know that I have served well. So it does sound as if I am doing all I should be doing. 24 May 09, 1:51 AM PyroGX US(AK), 3 yrs I don't see why the prior master wouldn't OWE you the duty to help you.. rehabilitate? It seems that the promise to protect and care for his property when you were a slave continues right up until you are no longer his slave. But that fact is, you are "not his slave" when you stop wearing his collar. You don't achieve that until you are mentally back were you were BEFORE slavery even began. So while the service may have ended, the Master's responsibility has not, you are still a slave, and he is not stepping up to care for you in the final stage. maybe I'm an over protective master, but I don't think I can be faulted for extending my personal responsibility so far. 24 May 09, 11:10 AM symphony 5 yrs To be honest, I am in agreement with you. Perhaps that sort of difference in thinking has led to where we are today. Then again, maybe He is attempting to stay withdrawn from me so as not to fuel the fire of the IE. Who knows? He has moved on and did so very quickly to handle this His own way and His attentions are elsewhere on new beginnings, not former endings. I don't feel that taking the remnants of a messy remaining IE to a new person and expecting them to help me with it would be fair. So I am out here alone. Dealing with it all the best I can. I only gave in and asked for help because I had hoped there might be a "fix" or a trick that other slaves or owners knew of that I did not. 24 May 09, 2:05 PM 599-734-499 US(WI), 2 yrs slave_tsina wrote: Unwanted IE I was not sure it was totally specific to Him, but have checked and tested this and yes, I still feel Internally Enslaved to my former owner. (snip) I did not ask for the IE to develop, it started on its own. I was not in control of it. So how do I control its demise? I thank you for your responses in advance. the former slave tsina tsina i am not sure if this could help, but you might try channeling: take this as a final set of instructions from your former master to replace him. Do a good job because failing to do so would be disrespectful and disobedient. Jessica's Slave, tom 24 May 09, 4:17 PM Ms_Valentine UK, 3 yrs slave_tsina wrote: Unwanted IE I was not sure it was totally specific to Him, but have checked and tested this and yes, I still feel Internally Enslaved to my former owner. And embarrassingly enough, now I am beginning to beg Him for considering a restart of my slavery to Him even though I know it did not work and that He no longer wants me and if I am honest, I should not want Him. In the "real" world, reason tells me to forget it all and move on. Tell me this, how do you rid yourself of Internal Enslavement for a former owner? I did not ask for the IE to develop, it started on its own. I was not in control of it. So how do I control its demise? I thank you for your responses in advance. the former slave tsina I am really truly sorry to hear that your relationship has been dissolved. I am sure you must have suffered greatly. I think when a really committed releationships, be it m/s or vanilla ends, there will be at least one of the couple, maybe both, who will feel ambivalence about the break up for a long time after, and even consider getting back together. The feelings of IE are an additional burden for you to deal with on top of all the other elements when a relationship ends. If as you said, the IE developed, of it's own accord, when in the relationship, then maybe the only way for it to disappear is to wait for that to happen. I don't think it is possible to 'will' yourself to not want to serve your Master and be subject to that IE, so, it may just be a case of time will change your feelings and being apart will slowly dissolve those ties. Obviously not being a slave, nor having ever been one, I can only surmise about this but I suspect everyone would experience the break up of a relationship uniquely anyway. Update: May 2009: How dull and full of fantasists is SD nowadays? I didn't like the old days where it was implied that D/s was lesser than M/s but Bloody Hell, the boards are full of shite nowadays. Still, I am not going to leave, if only because I am a stubborn woman. Is this REALLY the best we can do? 24 May 09, 5:36 PM symphony 5 yrs As much as I do not enjoy public discussions about personal matters, this is an expert website concerning specific issues that are relevant to me. I am slave. As an entity. This developed within a relationship and remains with me outside it. Part of me loves that fact. It reinforces what I knew in my heart. That some creatures are slave. A species if you will. Yes, my actual heartfelt desire is to return to the originating service. Only He and I were witness to the inception of the IE. But because it remains with me without Him, I am exploring more each day, the individuality of this process. Can it be adapted? Are there clever and experienced slave owners/slaves who have come across this before and used the IE, once individual to one Owner, to cultivate an unwanted slave into active service where they are wanted? Having not attempted to serve anyone else through the lack of desire to, I am unaware if this is possible. I would appreciate this view from slave owners and slaves who might have some experience of this matter. Private messaging is also welcomed. Thank you in advance for your assistance. Next page