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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Feeling like I've lost my master" 1 2 3 Feeling like I've lost my master (24) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. 14 Jun 09, 5:15 AM 887-458-885 US(IL), 5 yrs 000-874-172 wrote: 887-458-885 wrote: Do you think that it might just be laziness? Actually no; it could just be that he's plainly uninspired into being the kind of master he wants to be (because he feels pushed into being somethng he doesn't want to; a leather clad whip-wielding maniac, with full-kit of electrodes etc for example!); he can't 'be' a false master so does nothing about it; suffice to say that Phay is very much my Mistress, but doesn't have 'that much' to say about this nd other websites or books on the subject of domination, slavery and the like. Phay does things her way, and I bloody well know my place (emphasis, not directed) I know that sounds like a horrible thing to say, but I really don't have that many other ideas. If he is truly sincere in his words, what else could there be? That's the point; it's not for you to get ideas - it's for him to get his own; has it ever occured to you that he might need pushing in the direction of nurturing him as a master by his own talent, not a 'plastic-fantastic' of the master you'd like him to be? By this I'm saying you might expect him to wield a whip, punish you, etc etc; if his way though, is to have a clean house, be served nice food, have a pretty looking woman, sex when he wants it, how he wants it, but with NO kink involved, because he can, then you should look to being fulfilled in that because he's stepping into the role you'd like him to. If he's expressing an interest and then walking away, my guess is because he finds what he reads just - plain - daunting. Back off, and go back with this new suggestion and stick with it; but then don't, whatever ya do, try and top, simply discuss. Discussion is good - always. Good luck with that, Sean. In response, I guess my first point would be that I have tried to take as "hands-off" approach to helping him learn as possible. I have never expected anything extreme, though I have expressed an interest in a few things he has stated that we will never do. I respect that, and I guess, I think that I have done my best to try to encourage whatever version of dominance that he would prefer. As for a leather-clad, whip-bearing, fiend.... i've never expected nor do I particularly desire that kind of master. However, I've told him that if that's his kink, i'd be willing to try it; to try pretty much anything (with the exception of piss-play and coprophila; which we both agreed on). Our problem isn't that I've forced him into the unfortunate stereotypes associated with BDSM, it's that, despite my openmindedness and his own (stated) desire, he has never dominated me for more than a brief scene. Now, I am not talking about me crawling about naked serving him domination. I mean that he hasn't even told me to fetch him things or to give him a massage, or to make his life easier in any way. We don't have kink in the bedroom or outside it. We're like a vanilla couple, and i'm not sure I like it. I guess I have to now though. After he and I spoke again, "we" decided that d/s was not something that we could do right now. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I don't feel like he has the willpower, or whatever you may think a master needs, to dominate me. I often feel like he's not even the one who "wears the pants". *sigh* I'm sorry. Just thinking about D/s depresses me at the moment. I'll post again later. 14 Jun 09, 11:38 PM Malkinius US(IL), 5 yrs Greetings..... After reading this....it sounds like he is more of a Top than a Dom or a Master. He can be dominant when it comes to a scene or a specific play time but otherwise he just doesn't do it. 24/7 dominance may just not be his "thing". Be well.... Malkinius 15 Jun 09, 1:15 AM MasterShadowheart US(TX), 2 yrs Y! I tend to agree with Malkinius. In my own experiences, it may have nothing to do with the lifestyle at all. I once owned a girl who was very keen to serve, and she did. However, being that I am an independently minded man, I still tend to do many things for myself. It has nothing to do with her ability to serve in any capacity. I simply enjoy doing for myself, and while I enjoy being served in a multitude of ways, I will not allow myself to become completely dependent upon the one who wears my collar. Take joy from the service you do provide for him, for that may be all he requires of you at this point in time. Take the time between now and your proposed wedding date to thoroughly evaluate what you have and where you see it going. Expect him to only be who he is in his heart. As said before, to be a master or a slave...these are things we learn. Yes, there is a heartfelt need on the part of the slave or sub to submit or surrender themselves to another. Most masters have a natural air about them that draws a submissive to them. In any event, both sides must learn a great many things before they can truly proceed. Serve him as well as you are able, be patient and take joy from the small things you can do for him, for ultimately it will be the small things and not the wearing of a collar or the kiss of a whip that will make or break what you have with this man. Peace and Honor Shadowheart No Man Is Free Who Is Not Master Of Himself - Epictetus 2 Jul 09, 1:29 AM mystyblu US(TX), 2 yrs First and foremost please know you “can not” change anyone that does not want to be changed. after 12 years of an unhappy marriage this girl found that out the hard way. If you have talked to your fiancé on more than one occasion about your need for him to be your Master and all he has done is expressed an interest and not acted upon it then he is not truly interested. Is your need to be submissive/owned by him something you are willing to live without? .this girl is not referring to living without for a day, month or year, but what about the rest of your life as long as you are married?? You need to really think about it and be honest with yourself and your fiancé. Does he truly want to be your Master or just saying he is interested just to appease you?? .this girl urges you to talk to him, and wishes you much luck and happiness CSs_mystyone What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. ~ by Ralph Waldo Emerson ~