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	TSR : Web boards : M/s and D/s : "Leveraging Military Experience, Perfect Practice" Leveraging Military Experience, Perfect Practice (7) Wed 13 May 09, 11:29 PM Narcissath713 US(NJ), 23 mths This post may seem a bit rambling as there are numerous facets bouncing around my brain right now. I don't have a slave but like many on this site I would like to incorporate one into my life. I also do not have extensive BDSM experience, although I have attended numerous fetish parties across south Florida (fun times ). It occurred to me that if I were to find myself in the position of "master" I would rely heavily on my military background to sculpt my submissive/slave/subordinate as it is my foundation of how I perceive "discipline". In the Marines there's a saying, "Practice doesn't make perfect, perfect practice makes perfect." The instructors at OCS were mostly long-serving NCOs with multiple combat tours. They routinely screamed, "When you screw up, MARINES DIE!" This has instilled a sense that, when interacting with subordinates, I have no room for error whatsoever. A master is responsible for his slave's life (to varying degrees, depending on the nature of your relationship I suppose). While a master's mistakes may not result in the slave being blown to pieces, there is still the potential for long-term, damaging consequences. From the slave's perspective, who would want to put themselves in the hands of someone who doesn't have all their ducks in a row? This is reinforced by my previous experiences as a NCO where on occasion I made a mistake or acted poorly while training troops, and detected a palpable loss in my respect/authority. All of this has combined to encourage me to "Get things right" from the word "go". But from what I've read, coming out with both guns blazing like some enraged Drill Instructor with a rigid slave training plan is probably the WORST thing a new master could do. In the military pretty much all relationships are established within the context of the over-arching institution. When the brand new lieutenant meets his squad leaders, it's already established that he's the boss (to what extent is debatable). That doesn't exist between individuals early in a relationship, where one is simply ASPIRING to be the master/dominant and another simply ASPIRING to be the submissive/slave. There's no binding reason for someone to obey you. So after taking it down a notch (or three), how much is really useful? It's actually got me thinking that my preconceived notions of discipline, service, training, and position could be as much of a hindrance as a help. There are some habits of communication that are clearly useful: voice inflection when issuing commands, how to conduct periods of instruction, requiring responses to ensure the subordinate understood what you told them, etc. But the rest, *shrugs*, not so sure... Are there any other Prior Service members that can shed some light on the issue? Responses are not limited to military folks of course. I'm sure everyone has something that I can learn from. 14 May 09, 3:22 AM 551-697-695 US(FL), 17 mths i'm not military but my Sir is. or was rather. it's not surprising that a type who would enjoy the military, especially if W/we're talking about a position of power (Mr. Sir was Army ROTC), would also enjoy being a Top. Sir had to get used to me calling Him "Sir" because when our play time would get sexual, it was hard for Him to be turned on based on his previous encounters with the word. Even though we have a D/s relationship He requires during playtime i call Him Master and He calls me slave, and then any other time, He's gotten used to being called "Sir" and now finds it endearing. More to Your point, i think Your background will be Very useful. Yes, tune it down from Drill Sergent style and take it slow (Master and i took it a little too fast O/our first time officially training and playing) but the Dominant trait in a personality and the practice the military gives someOne, in my experience, has been excellent. Sir had no trouble jumping in to the role of Sir/Master even though i was the only one who had done research and joined forums. He instructed me to write out guidelines (think op order) for training, and like any military man would be, He was excellent at following through and showed no hesitation. i'm not sure what your ranking was but also with His training to be an officer if He didnt understand something that i wrote He just delegated and thought on His feet. when Youre Your own boss its almost impossible to go wrong. =p that being said, make sure anything You try for the first time is okay with Your sub. Sir hogtied me our first week of training before the subject had ever come up between us in conversation about D/s and i wasnt entirely okay with it but was in service mode and didnt tell Him till after... anyways im sure Youll do great and good luck! Edited 14 May 09, 3:24 AM by 551-697-695 14 May 09, 3:28 AM El_Presidente UK, 16 mths Military leadership experience certainly doesn't do any harm in terms of giving you bags of confidence and 'command presence', but as you say, it's not really directly relevant to a D/s or M/s relationship. Do you really want to bring your work home with you in any case? I know I don't. Your relationship is there for you to enjoy! By all means, use your experience for inspiration if you need to, but you make the rules up now. One thing I can see that you're acutely aware of is the fact that you're used to having your authority backed up by the 'legitimacy' that your rank gives you, and that you don't have that to fall back on in a relationship. Well, that's life, I'm afraid. Everyone else is in the same boat, and most of them don't have anything like your experience to fall back on, yet plenty of people manage to be dominant within a relationship. Narcissath713 wrote: ...That doesn't exist between individuals early in a relationship, where one is simply ASPIRING to be the master/dominant and another simply ASPIRING to be the submissive/slave. There's no binding reason for someone to obey you. I can almost guarantee that if you act the part (i.e. behave as if the legitimacy of your authority is not remotely in question), then you will get the results that you want. The real skill then is knowing how far to push it. Communicate with your sub and establish what their limits are, so that you can initially work within boundaries where you know you're not being unreasonable. The rest is down to reading your sub, gauging their reactions and seeing what works and what doesn't - finding what pushes their buttons and what takes them deeper into submission. So you're right - all you have to rely on in a relationship is your personal powers of persuasion - but then that's the fun of it! 14 May 09, 11:43 PM 976-188-983 US(ID), 2 yrs This is the master not the slave responding. I am Thumper-Eternal. Even though I know my slave would agree to what I am going to write. I am a member of the military, and yes in some ways have this previous training and knowledge does in fact help to perform accuratelly in the lifestyle. However I am also a individual thinker. And I believe that in some instances it is quite effective and assists greatly in the lifestyle to have the knowledge that one gains in the service of His/Hers country. I also know that it is not always best to take the role of absolute authoritarian over that of a slight democratic position. I myself like it when my slave has an little attitude. I also am different from what most dominants or masters would think this position to be. I'm not the type to believe that beating my chest and grunting is a true trait of dominance. I do however believe that it is how one's characteristics show the true dominance of a master. It's but how one carries themselves, as well as how they deal with responsabilities that makes them truly dominant. My slave is also former military and she was also in a position of leadership. She does feel having the structure is helpful in our relations. I believe that doing things in this lifestyle is not much different from any other aspect in life. I have learned from years of experience that just as in life we should be like water and go with the flow by taking it one day at a time is also how to deal with a D/s or M/s relationship. To conclude this just have fun and stop being so paranoid about the ways of life and just enjoy the ride. Written by Thumper-Eternal. Baby In his eyes I am lost, In his arms I am found, In his soul I am content. Kore ga Watashi no Goshujin-sama Edited 14 May 09, 11:44 PM by 976-188-983 17 May 09, 11:43 PM MasterSmashed UK, 3 yrs Perfect practice would indeed make perfect, in an ideal world - but we are far from such a thing. The best we can hope for is practice, and from there to achieve near perfect. I say near perfect because I don't believe anyone or anything is perfect. In this case if you screw up you're not going to get shot from 200 yards - forgive the lack of military knowledge btw. I think that you've realised that there are similarities between the two, and also that they are also very different. I find the words "attention to detail" very worthwhile (yes they are also from a military source) but paying attention to the little things, the building blocks, leads to a bigger and better "construction". Attention to detail, to me signifies small steps, pride in those, and moving in a forward direction to better things. 18 May 09, 12:21 AM 483-608-929 US(OH), 3 yrs More than military knowledge will be necessary if one becomes involved in a M/s D/s relationship. A submissive can be very emotional at times and the devotion they have for their dominant runs very deep. The military experience has the potential to add some important and fun structure and training points and i think it makes a very good starting point. But, in order to develop a strong M/s D/s relationship, be prepared to deal with all that goes along with a vanilla relationship, too. Written by it with its Owner's permission. Thank you SIR. Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom. Marilyn Ferguson Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together 18 May 09, 12:31 AM Kay_kay US(NY), 16 mths hi, Adding my two cents worth in. i think Your military training is going to be useful to You as a Dominent, particularly in the ways You've already seen. You have experience setting goals for people and You have experience in makign sure those goals and Your requirements are understood and attainable. You do not ask the impossible of Your troops so You understand that You need to make sure You do not ask the impossible of Your submissive. You understand that You have to make sure Your standards and requirements are clear and You have experience in doing this. So, yes, i think Your military background is going to be very helpful for You and already has and i think You show a lot of self awareness of Yourself and what You need to do, more so than a lot of beginning Dom/mes. One thing that really hit me, though, was Your expressed concern of establishing respect and obedience in a relationship with a submissive. This is not something You really have to worry about. If the submissive You are dealing with is the right submissive for You, he/she (i'm not sure of orientation so...) will acknowledge You as a Dominent and begin giving You respect without You having to do anything but be Yourself. If You don't beleive me on this, read my profile. i'm a self confessed and self identified submissive but i have a pet i never looked for. Originally, he asked if i could mentor him, help him learn about D/s after he met me around my Master. he began giving me obedience and respect almost immediately and he requested that i become a Mistress to him. i did not go out and actively recruit him as a submissive...i was just myself. So, just be Yourself and what happens will happen. 18 May 09, 4:19 PM 976-188-983 US(ID), 2 yrs Written by Baby with Master's permission. I would like to add something here as well. I believe your military background will stand you good stead, like everyone else has said. But I think the level at which you use it depends a great deal with what level the sub/slave is willing to accept. I personally, being military, look to my Master for the guidance that I no longer get from the military and since he is also military it is easy to get, albiet not consistent due to his distaste of military protocol and his newness as a Dominant. This drives me crazy sometimes so I would suggest you choose a level of "military" and stick with it. As they say in the Army about regulations - "You can't take away but you can add to them". Once you have choosen your level don't take a piece of it away, add to it if you would like but don't take away. In conclusion, do as you want too, after all you are the Dominant. If you have the right submissive she will blossom under whatever guidelines you devise for her. Good luck. Baby In his eyes I am lost, In his arms I am found, In his soul I am content. Kore ga Watashi no Goshujin-sama