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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : " Thinking poly may be the better fit for my needs" Thinking poly may be the better fit for my needs (10) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Wed 29 Apr 09, 11:10 PM isohoh49 US, 3 yrs I am thinking of looking for a poly relationship only because I have not had any luck in finding a Master. I have been told that because of the job that I have, which keeps me out of town a great deal I am not able to service. My roblem is that I do not wish to be a slave to his slave. I wish to have nothing more that a very respectful vanilla relationship with her. I have no problem with her tell me how to be a better slave to Master but I do not wish her to have any control over me. To be honest I could have little or no interaction with her at all and be happy. Is this common in poly or not. 30 Apr 09, 12:02 AM Kay_kay US(NY), 3 yrs Whether or not you can have a poly relationship with a poly Master and have little to no interaction with the other submissive(s)/slave(s) all depends on the Master. i do know some Masters and Mistresses do not mind keeping each relationship seperate while others insist on interaction among their submissives/slaves. However, i am concerned a bit with your attitude that a poly relationship is easier. First of all, scheduling in the type of poly relationship you are talking about will be even more difficult than in a one on one relationship because it will not only your schedule that will need to be taken in account. The more individual submissives of any time a Master is responsible for, the more schedues will conflict. you seem to not have a lot of flexibility in your schedule and you may find that poly Masters who keep seperate submissives will not have much more flexibility than you have. Also, with a poly relationship, there is always the threat of jealousy. How will you feel knowing that while you are away someone else is enjoying all of the Master's attention? How will you feel if, on your free days, the Master will not see you as the Master has already scheduled that time for someone else or someone else needed the Master's attention more? How will you feel if you start comparing the time spent with others compared to the time spent with you and feel that it is much less? Perhaps a better path for you would be to look for a Master that will not mind a partial LDR. If you do not already have a laptop, you might look into purchasing one as well as a web cam so that you and a Master may still maintain your dynamic over distance while you travel and keep it going between face to face meetings. 30 Apr 09, 12:54 AM isohoh49 US, 3 yrs Thank you so much for taking the time to help me with all of this. I would have no problem with the fact that another slave would have more time with Master. But I don't think I would want to hear about all the great things that they got to do together. I would just see the time that we are together as our time and nothing else and not worry about what was going on with there time together. I would be upset if he could not be with me when I came in. I do know when I am going to be home and when I am going to be out of town and can let him know ahead of time. I would understand if it was something major that he need to deal with. I understand that a large part of our time would be on the phone and on the net. My proble is that when I tell a someone this i hear from them maybe 3-4time after that than nothing. That's why I was thinking poly may be better since they would have someone else there. 30 Apr 09, 5:06 AM kaitlyn 4 yrs You might want to try more of an open relationship where it's expected that your D will have other relationships but not necessarily poly. To me at least you'd have to be interest in the other woman as well if it were really a poly thing... does that make sense? respectfully, kait 30 Apr 09, 7:44 AM 333-528-841 CA, 3 yrs If you are not really interested in poly then you should think twice about getting involved only because of your work.. It is not always easy to find the right Master. I takes time and patience for most people. My job takes me away all the time. I work 15 days before getting 7 off. I stay on the site where I work during those 15 days. It does not mean I cannot serve. Yes, it can be hard, and yes I miss Master terribly when I am away but we do what we have to, to make it work. I am always so happy to get home to him on my days off. Adding the odd vacation day here and there helps too. We text, Msn, cam, phone, do what we need to do every day throughout the day to stay in touch. No, it will not work for everyone but for us it works. Besides, we both know that I will not be up there forever. For now though, we make the most of the time I am home. So, just saying, think before you settle and maybe regret your choice. 333-528-841 Edited 30 Apr 09, 7:45 AM by 333-528-841 30 Apr 09, 10:52 PM 483-608-929 US(OH), 4 yrs isohoh49 wrote: Thinking poly may be the better fit for my needs My roblem is that I do not wish to be a slave to his slave. I wish to have nothing more that a very respectful vanilla relationship with her. you will definitely need to find a Master that fits these criteria but it may not be easy. Masters often designate the slaves as alpha or beta. There can't really be two alphas and the first slave most often gets that title. Any subsequent slaves usually have to obey the first especially in the Masters absence or even in His presence if He is preoccupied with business. isohoh49 wrote: Thinking poly may be the better fit for my needs I have no problem with her tell me how to be a better slave to Master but I do not wish her to have any control over me. To be honest I could have little or no interaction with her at all and be happy. In poly, part of the enjoyment is interacting with the other slave, whether sexually or not sexually, servicing the Master together. Not apart. In order to really grasp poly and get the enjoyment out of it, you must want to have a relationship with the other slave. you seem to want to keep very separate from her (or him). That's not poly. i must be honest and say you really don't sound like you are looking for a poly relationship. you sound more like you are looking for a Master with two or more slaves that He uses at His convenience. And, i mean His convenience. They are not going to go by your schedule and take orders from you as to when They can see you. i don't say that to be mean but only to point out how a Master might think. He's not there for you, you are there for Him. Written by it with its Owner's permission. Thank you SIR. Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom. Marilyn Ferguson Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together Edited 30 Apr 09, 10:55 PM by 483-608-929 1 May 09, 3:01 AM thegildedlili 3 yrs 483-608-929 wrote: i must be honest and say you really don't sound like you are looking for a poly relationship. you sound more like you are looking for a Master with two or more slaves that He uses at His convenience. And, i mean His convenience. They are not going to go by your schedule and take orders from you as to when They can see you. i don't say that to be mean but only to point out how a Master might think. He's not there for you, you are there for Him. well put. it really sounds like the OP is wanting someone to fill in for her when she can't be around, rather than them all be in a relationship together. while i do think it's important to find a situation that suits you, and ultimately meets your needs, as 929 points out D/s and M/s relationships are inherently asymmetrical and will therefore require more flexibility on your part than the D/O/M's. i have no need, for such things, but to make you happy... Josh Pyke 1 May 09, 4:52 AM isohoh49 US, 3 yrs Thanks for each and every reply, I have been given a lot to think about. I guess that I look at poly as being 3 or more people and my reason being that if he has another slave than I would not feel that I was not being a good slave. Or more to the point that a Master would be more wlling to own me since he had another slave there when I'm not. I do under stand that I am there for him and not the other way round. But it is not like i'm asking that they work around my TV shows. This is my job, 8 May 09, 5:44 AM LovingMasterDaddy US, 3 yrs My apologies if someone else has already made one or more of the following points (I have only quickly/ tersely scanned the thread - my fault)... Although more common, not all poly relationships involve a power-exchange hierarchy amongst and between the slaves. Some poly Masters (including myself) prefer a "flat" organization within the home. That is, all slaves within the home "report directly to Him", without any of the "alpha versus beta slave" business. There are other means for addressing the resulting, inevitable oversight and logistical challenges; it is the Master's responsibility to both instantiate these within his Household, and raise a prospective slave's comfort level that such has been appropriately addressed (preferably in advance of her arrival). Also, reading between the lines, I can't help but wonder whether your career is more important to you than any relationship you may be in - and, if so, why such is the case. Although some situations are perfectly understandable (children are dependent upon your income for their care, for example), some Masters prefer slaves that would be willing to surrender her job/career for the sake of full-service to him, were he to ask for it (yet please note that he may never ask for it...), and were he also willing to assume whatever financial responsibilities/ burdens you were otherwise fulfilling/addressing. I wouldn't be surprised if a smart, well-interested Master would try to probe deeper to determine the root-cause and -motivation of your desire to value your career "above all else". A few examples: - Is it because you don't want a lifetime relationship? - Is it because you are presuming that chances are greater than not that the relationship would end at some point, in which case you'll need to support yourself afterwards anyway? - Are there others you are supporting, that are dependent upon you? - Do you have concerns about financing your own needs in retirement, that you feel cannot be left to others? - Do you have a standard of living that you are unable to sacrifice (presuming you believe that such would be reduced by depending upon another person's income)? - Are there one or more emotional and/or mental attachments to your career that you are unwilling to sever yourself from, because you feel that your career fulfills needs within you that nothing else can (for example, the job making you feel complete or fulfilled from a intellectual or self-esteem standpoint, and/or satisfying any need you may feel to contribute to the feminist movement within society by being professionally successful, helping break glass ceilings, etc.)? - Depending upon the nature of the job, is there some harmonal, adrenal or other pharmacological or psychological dependency you may have, that you feel only your job can fulfill (for example, the adrenal rushes you get from winning sales opportunities (that you feel you cannot legally get anywhere else) - this is common amongst sales people)? I'm not saying that such a desire/need to not sacrifice your job/career for the sake of any Master you may surrender to is necessarily wrong... I'm just saying that you should not be surprised if a Master would want to probe further to determine both {a} why you have such a need, and {b} how much flexibility you might have in this regard. So be prepared beforehand to answer such questions truthfully and honestly - and make sure to be fully honest with yourself first (sometimes, this requires ALOT of introspection and wrestling with oneself). Don't be surprised also if some Masters may even consider whether you are a slave (versus just a profound submissive), depending upon your answers to these questions... ...But this is all just one man's opinion. 14 May 09, 6:51 PM Daniel SE, 3 yrs isohoh49: I have a hard time imagining there wouldn't be someone for you out there. Being employed and having a good career is a plus in my eyes and I'm sure in many other's too. A master that appreciates your professional succes is perhaps what you need. M/s is not about Masters with careers together with failed slaves. Of course there are masters that would love a successful part-time slave and that at the same time understand that your schedule is a necessary condition for your work. I definitely see the advantages for all parties in such an arrangement as you describe your'e looking for. Masters are different from each other. Try to find someone who appreciates what you're doing professionally. Avoid those who can't handle it. Your'e worth no less I believe. Wish you success! ~Still going wrong~ 21 May 09, 12:41 AM isohoh49 US, 3 yrs Thanks so much for all of the comments. They have given me a great deal to think about. I have started talked to someone that is looking for a second slave and understand that I do not wish to be control by his slave in any way. He has stated that It would be ok if her and I had a vanilla relationship. We are spending time getting to know each other and not rushing it. Something that I was not getting from other non-poly Dom. I have not stop answering any Dom/Master that email me because I don't know where this is going or if it will end like all the rest.