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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Meeting 2nd slave with or without 1st slave?" 1 2 3 Meeting 2nd slave with or without 1st slave? (26) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Mon 27 Apr 09, 7:02 PM Daniel SE, 3 yrs I have a question where I'm curious about others' experiences and views. I'm poly since many years and I've formerly lived in a D/s-marriage for long. But I've actually never practiced poly out of a(n?) M/s-dynamic. We both agree that I decide on the matter, (did that prior to forming the relationship). My slave, however, feels a bit unsure about it by now. Not that it makes me change my mind or that it lessens the M/s, but of course it affects my strategies and makes me think through things another round. After all I'm eager to succeed in making the two of us into three. It's not that she wouldn't obey and comply if I presented a slave-sister to her just out of the blue. But I want to do it as smoothly and considerate as possible. So my question is: How do you go about presenting a potential new slave to your current one? Do you meet the potential new slave by yourself first, then make up your mind about it and present her to your first slave? Or do you meet a potential sister-slave together the first time, listen to your slave's opinions and then make up your mind? Or something in between? I'm in this situation right now, and I'd appreciate some input before I decide on strategy. I'd love to hear about your expriences! Please let me know. ~Still going wrong~ 27 Apr 09, 7:50 PM SirSeven 2 yrs Hi Daniel, This is a good question you are asking and you are wise to do so since it's important to the success of your relationship. I'm my personal opinion, from my previous experiences with poly relationships, I would recommend that you do bring slave #1 along to the first meeting with the potential new slave. There are two key reasons why I feel this way. First, it involves slave #1 in the process and involving them shows that you value their opinions and views. I feel that in doing this, you have a much better chance of success with the new poly arrangement if you have the buy-in from others involved. Involving slave #1 in the initial meeting will not guarantee success with this new relationship, but it will go a long way and mean a lot if slave #1 is involved from the beginning. Not involving slave #1 in the process may cause feelings of resentment or a belief that something is being thrust upon them and it will be much easier for slave #1 to later say something like "see what YOU did to us?" or similar. Including them from the very beginning may help prevent such a situation from arising since all parties were involved in the initial interview processes. Lastly, having the three of you present at the first meeting will allow potential slave #2 the opportunity to meet slave #1 and they will be able to decide if it's something they feel good about. And then you'll hopefully have the buy-in, once again, from all parties involved. I know some may say you are the Master so you should make all the decisions, that the slave's views aren't important, slaves should always obey no matter what you decide... However, I would recommend that you take slave #1's feelings and input into consideration for this large of a decision. I'm speaking from personal experience with this exact same scenario. This is how I would go about it the next time (if there is a next time) I find myself in this situation. Good luck. Sir Seven Edited 30 Jun 09, 2:20 PM by SirSeven 27 Apr 09, 8:08 PM Hesperus US(CT), 2 yrs Y! I am also going to go through this same process in the next year or two. I have been prepping babyslave for it, understanding the process, being a good sister slave etc. I definitely plan on bringing My current slave, babyslave, along for all meetings. If babyslave is left out of these meetings she could easily believe that something she is unaware of is happening. That could make her uncomfortable at just the time that I want her to feel VERY secure. I think preparation, and openness is the best way to go. Good luck and let us know how it goes!!! Hesperus 27 Apr 09, 9:13 PM Daniel SE, 3 yrs Sir Seven and Hesperus; thank you for valuable input to my problem. I'll consider your advice. Especially the thing that #2 gets the chance to meet #1, if we meet #2 together, I think is a good point. Didn't think about it from that angle. Thanks! ~Still going wrong~ 29 Apr 09, 2:45 AM 691-475-658 UK, 3 yrs Hi This may not be completely relevant.. especially if you have already found your 2nd and are wondering how to introduce them both... but when we've had a third in the past, or a potential 3rd it's been left to me - the slave - to find her. M reasons that I will know what he would want in her... and as she would be 2nd to me it's important to him that I am happy with her. Obviously he does have the final say and the right to veto but we have found it works perfectly for us. Hope that helps a little... but if I've missed the main point just pretend you didn't see me Take care lw 29 Apr 09, 1:31 PM SirSeven 2 yrs 691-475-658 wrote: Hi This may not be completely relevant.. especially if you have already found your 2nd and are wondering how to introduce them both... but when we've had a third in the past, or a potential 3rd it's been left to me - the slave - to find her. M reasons that I will know what he would want in her... and as she would be 2nd to me it's important to him that I am happy with her. Obviously he does have the final say and the right to veto but we have found it works perfectly for us. Hope that helps a little... but if I've missed the main point just pretend you didn't see me Take care lw I think this is an excellent point. Having your current slave find potential partners is a good way to involve them in the decision making process. If the slave finds and recommends someone, they will have a vested interest in seeing that the relationship is successful. Sir Seven 29 Apr 09, 6:44 PM Daniel SE, 3 yrs 691-475-658; Thanks for input! As Sir Seven already said, its a very good point. And for me it's very relevant too. Actually it's something I've been thinking about - to let her be the recruiter. Interesting to learn that there are others that do it that way. But if I'd delegate the recruitment at the moment, I suspect she just wouldn't find anyone... *smiles* ("Master, I'm sorry! I've been searching everywhere, but nobody wants to be your slave...") Just joking. She'd do an exellent job, I'm sure. ~Still going wrong~ 30 Apr 09, 9:16 AM Hawklord UK, 6 yrs Daniel wrote: Meeting 2nd slave with or without 1st slave? So my question is: How do you go about presenting a potential new slave to your current one? Do you meet the potential new slave by yourself first, then make up your mind about it and present her to your first slave? Or do you meet a potential sister-slave together the first time, listen to your slave's opinions and then make up your mind? Or something in between? There's been a lot of advice to involve your slave from the start but there are some dangers in that. There will be a lot of rejections, both ways - you decided this girl is not for you; she decides she doesn't want to come. This messes your first slave about and she is not as strong as you are. So it's best to do most of the ground work first. My slave knows when I am seeking an addition and I introduce them when I feel the situation is already developing past a 50% chance of success. Then when they do meet I observe them and if they don't mesh well I start over. Too many start-overs are distressing to a slave who needs the safety of routine. Hawklord Sic volo. sic jubeo. stat pro ratione voluntas 30 Apr 09, 11:26 PM M_Shea US(CA), 2 yrs Daniel wrote: But if I'd delegate the recruitment at the moment, I suspect she just wouldn't find anyone... *smiles* ("Master, I'm sorry! I've been searching everywhere, but nobody wants to be your slave...") This is exactly what I was thinking 3 May 09, 1:43 PM SlaveNika NL, 3 yrs I don't have any experience with poly, but my Master has the same desire to own two slaves at some point in the future so we talk about this regularly. From a slave's perspective i think a slave serves the best if she is completely happy. So if Your 1st slave has any concerns i think it's best to involve her. So i agree with the others that it's good to involve Your 1st slave in finding a 2nd slave. Whether it's taking her to the first meeting or let Your 1st slave look for a 2nd slave herself. My Master is very serious about this, while i have my concerns as well. What makes me feel better is that He has assured me that i will always stay His first girl and that He will only go through with it if we both feel good about it. His idea is to find a 2nd slave for occasional play first and take it from there. So from that point all three of us will talk about it and decide whether or not we should continue to a more permanent poly lifestyle or not. For me starting with occasional play feels a lot better then looking for a permanent 2nd slave straight away. And knowing that He values my opinion the most, because He doesn't want to lose me in a poly relationship does the rest. I'm still not sure if a poly relationship is a good idea, but this way i feel a bit better about it at least. Maybe this helps for Your 1st slave as well? Good luck Sir with Your search and please keep us posted. I'm very curious about how You eventually want to do this and how Your slave feels about it. Greetings from slave nika ~ My Master introduced me into the world of slavery. A world i have always searched for, but i never knew where it was. Now my heart belongs to Him and His world forever and ever ~ 4 May 09, 12:38 AM Master_Keldo US(WA), 2 yrs Y! I myself have left it up to my 1st slave to find her own sister, yes I have the final say but she knows what I look for and want in a slave. I felt that in having her do it would give her a sense of pride since it is up to her to find her own sister and if she was to find someone suitable, to present her to me and I will base my decision on what my 1st slave wants and what the potential wants. If all is well, I will have my 2. I may be Gorean and as most know, my style should be "what Master says, goes" but we are human and we all have feelings. Next page