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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "A community continuum?" 1 2 3 4 A community continuum? (33) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. 24 Apr 09, 12:19 AM EvaMaria US(CA), 3 yrs jakesemma wrote: My relationship would not be healthy for most people, but for me it is. I am happy, functioning and life is good. But our relationship is solid and stable. If I conformed to what society/psychologists said was "healthy" I would survive, but I would not function, nor would I be emotionally healthy... which to me shows me that you can't fit everyone in one neat little box and call it a night. For personal purposes, I see no fault in this description. But for referential use by others, even those with the additional knowledge of the BDSM community, it doesn't offer a lot of information. And to me, the idea that you are a psychological anomaly would necessarily prevent most from understanding your relationship, let alone accepting or rejecting it as a valid example of M/s. Do you (or have you) felt marginalized in the community? Do you see it as a reasonable response? (Emma, I'm happy to see a post from you again. And please understand my use of this quote is for the theory of it only - not a statement re: you or your relationship. ) blue_girl wrote: However, i'd like to emphasize that my Owner and i are not dismissing "decades of research." W/we just don't necessarily buy into the mass-produced pop psychology that is widely disseminated as the "truth" about what it means to be "healthy." His approach is based on a philosophical foundation that eschews the contemporary "one size fits all" mentality, instead focusing on power exchange and identity formation from philosophical and psychoanalytical standpoints. This makes sense for me. In your earlier post, your criteria for "reasonable" was the authority you give to your master. But that authority is a purely personal thing between the two of you - it's impossible for others to decide to accept or reject it as basis for a valid M/s relationship 'cause they don't know how it's applied. But in this last, you offered schools of thought most everyone can recognize - "mass-produced pop psychology", "contemporary "one size fits all" mentality", "power exchange and identity formation..." It gives a point of mutual understanding the other did not. blue_girl wrote: May i respectfully suggest, if you're interested in exploring the concept of IE and power exchange further, or if you're interested in a perspective that differs from the views you've expressed thus far on SD/TSR, you might enjoy reading "Power/Knowledge" and/or "Discipline and Punish" by Michel Foucault (or really, anything by Foucault, but "Power/Knowledge" is perhaps the best place to start)? It's funny that you should mention the book as it's part of what C has recently referred to as my "burgeoning but unread" collection. (rolls eyes) Well, I do pick and browse on a regular basis, but it is time to make a serious (as in cover to cover) start. I'll do it with Foucault, then. Thank you. Eva (The property formerly known as Camille ) 25 Apr 09, 7:31 PM 741-498-880 4 yrs EvaMaria wrote: jakesemma wrote: My relationship would not be healthy for most people, but for me it is. I am happy, functioning and life is good. But our relationship is solid and stable. If I conformed to what society/psychologists said was "healthy" I would survive, but I would not function, nor would I be emotionally healthy... which to me shows me that you can't fit everyone in one neat little box and call it a night. For personal purposes, I see no fault in this description. But for referential use by others, even those with the additional knowledge of the BDSM community, it doesn't offer a lot of information. And to me, the idea that you are a psychological anomaly would necessarily prevent most from understanding your relationship, let alone accepting or rejecting it as a valid example of M/s. Do you (or have you) felt marginalized in the community? Do you see it as a reasonable response? (Emma, I'm happy to see a post from you again. And please understand my use of this quote is for the theory of it only - not a statement re: you or your relationship. ) Eva Even amongst many other M/s couples.. they feel my relationship is not healthy. He's "too controlling". We are "too emotionally inter-dependent on each other" You ever seen the movie the notebook where they lay down and die in each others arms? thats how my Owner and I are.... If he died, I want to die with him, he is my world, I live breath and every emotion is based on him. there is an emotional bond and connection I have with him that I don't think I could have with anyone else.... I think with out him, I would be a shell of a person, an empty husk of no emotions. I would rather die than be with out him. This type of intense, deep emotional connection makes me thrive and function with in our relationship, but with out him, I wouldn't be functional, and I am okay taking that risk to experience this with him. i don't even *Care* if by traditional psychology its unhealthy. The fact is this, in this environment, I function and I am happy. For me, it *is* healthy, even if others might not deem it that way. Many people don't feel that is healthy, or sane, but for me, its well worth the risks to go through this life and experience this deep level of slavery, and I absolutely love my reality. 25 Apr 09, 10:54 PM UltimateSwitch US(MI), 3 yrs jakesemma wrote: Many people don't feel that is healthy, or sane, but for me, its well worth the risks to go through this life and experience this deep level of slavery, and I absolutely love my reality. Ladies and Gentlemen, I put it to you: is that not the most concise summation of this entire argumentative thread? Do we not see the exact question and answer all rolled into one here? I believe jakesemma has said more than a mouthful here. we all make our own decisions about what we wish for, hope for, like, and even tolerate, or hate. It is the human condition to seek out that which makes us happy. And, as many others have pointed out: though pop psychology may explain what the norm is, it cannot explain what the extremes to that norm are. or in any real sense how it even justifies calling those things normal, anyway. As I am vonluntarily leaving this community behind to persue my one true love, I would like to state that there will always be at least one person in the "vanilla" community who will never judge any of you, lest the cold stare of lady justice be turned back toward my past. (and I would like to think I am not the only one, so please just make the attempt at not misjudging the vanillia(s) as you/we would not have them misjudge you/us your's in service *SWITCH* You're in my service UltimateSwitch