KinkPodcasts.com - podcasts about BDSM, Fetish and Kink    [other banners]

	TSR : Web boards : Other Topics : "Real life." Real life. (9) This post is on the Other Topics web board. Sat 18 Apr 09, 10:10 PM punkinsDaddy 3 yrs Hello all, I have a beautiful slave babygirl whom I love very much and believe is the right woman for me to spend the rest of my life owning and caring for. We have known each other going on only about 40 days, but as most of you know, 40 days with a slave is like a year with a normal girl. We just recently met for the first time in real life, as I live in Pennsylvania and she lives in Louisiana. We were supposed to spend 2.5 weeks together, but she became homesick and returned after a week. Upon her return home, she was told (by her adopted mom who did a background check on me) about a lie I had told her about my past. I had told her that my last submissive and I were never married, when in fact we were, and only recently divorced. I have no complaint that her mom checked up on me, in fact I gave her all of my vital info just so she could if she chose, and I would have thought she would have done that before even coming. I also have no issue with her feelings of betrayal by my lie. I was completely wrong, and there is no excuse for it. I have apologized profusely and have tried to answers all questions openly and honestly and explain my reasoning at the time of the lie, although I make no excuse and never will. Now, before anyone says that I am lucky she didn't kick my butt to the curb, Let me say this... I agree! Now, upon her return home, she is behaving very, very differently than before. Well actually, let me restate that, her behavior was different in person than on the phone and IM before coming, as one would expect. She seemed much less sure of her undying love and commitment than before. And after about three days here, she became sullen, distant, and kinda uninterested in me, or what I thought, or expected from her. I approached her about the subject and she said it was because of missing her daughter, which I believed and continue to believe as a part of what was bothering her. Understand that both her and I are extremely sensitive to changes in our partner's behavior and demeanor. She has many other things going on in her life right now as well. Big life changing decisions, a new job or three, being a mom, living in a small house full of women and kids, and going to school full time. Now, you add my lie and the resulting lack of trust that brings, and you can imagine the difference in our phone conversations, then and now... when and if we ever even talk. To be clear, before she came to visit, we talked 5-10hrs a day on the phone, text or IM. She could never get enough, and always was texting and calling and very passionate and intense. Now, we talk maybe 1hr a day at the most and that is spread over 3 or 4 calls. I am pursuing her now, much more than she is pursuing me. And the calls are distant and strained, she refuses to call me Daddy or tell me she loves me, she is very sad and withdrawn, and seems like she would just prefer I take a long walk off a short pier. But tells me no, that is not what she thinks, she just needs me to be patient and encouraging. How do I show patience over the phone? I love her and want to prove my trustworthiness, and be a help to her during this tough time, but she is not letting me in very deep. I am unsure of what I can do from here, 1500 miles away to prove myself to her, beside never lying again, and offering what solace I can for what she is going through there... when she tells me anything. Sometimes I think, that because she is truly a slave and has told me many times that she cannot and will not ever leave me, she wants and needs me to release her. Because no matter how unhappy I am making her, she is unable to leave me. She tells me this is not true. I want to be the best Master and Daddy I can for her and her alone, and if that means letting her go, so she can find happiness somewhere else, then that is what I will do. But, I never want her to feel that I have abandoned her, or given up on us too soon. I want to do the right thing for her and for us and our future. All of this is making me very heartsick and sad. I accept suffering as my lot for lying to the one I love, but that suffering is not helping me to figure out what is the right thing to do. I am sure I have left a lot of needed info out, so just ask if you need more info. Anyone with experience with these issues, please offer what you can. Thanks in advance... 19 Apr 09, 12:38 AM slave_najah_of_VARR CA, 3 yrs I just want to say,give it time, something like this isn't easy to forget 19 Apr 09, 12:50 AM SeanT70 9 yrs Some people might say this is harsh, others might not; opinions are what they are, and since you asked, I'll give mine, although I don't have any direct experience of this kinda thing per se. After all that time through all those media, using all those methods to big yourself up as the Daddy and the one that loves the girl, what do ya and do? Ya took a crap in the virtual bed (albeit the seed was already sowed, given that you only need to have been found out, rather than owning up), and then had the luxury of not having to live with the stink. It's in her head, not to mention that by the sounds of the way you've written your post, you just don't cut it for her as she thought you might, but doesn't know what to do about it, given that she's only known you a short time. 40 Days. She was all bigged up to run to you, spend that time with you - you can read it in her posts in the thread called 'Finally', and then... ...she gets dropped back down to Earth with an almighty thump. Of course, she 'will' have missed home, the goings on, her kids and such, of that you can be sure, but the discomfort she feels from being with you, and the uncovering of the subsequent lie upon her return home; she had her mind filled with anything 'but' loving 'Daddy', huh? So, what? You're saying you're suffering for what you've been through and the pain you've felt for what happened - to her - she has to deal with that, and now she has to reconcile it whilst coping with her day to day stuff to? How fair. Of course, it must be unpleasant for you to have gone through a prior divorce, but I'll say this about that particular point; not in the judgemental sense, but I find that if you're going to master/own someone, you to at least do it with integrity; you lied, you broke a trust, you were dishonest - to the one person who needed to put all her trust in you. That is just painful. Now, I realise of course, that I'm not furnished with all the details, nor would I wanna be, unless you wanna take a few hours typing the thing out - that's your choice I guess - but it's really quite clear that right at this moment in time, you're no master to this girl - only an equal. I'd at least suggest stop pursuing her, give her room to breathe and allow her to think about what she wants; right now, she feels betrayed by the simple concept of this lie in that if you've lied about that and she can look it up and ask questions, what else haven't you told her that she cannot see? There seems to be other issues, perhaps ones that she may not have discussed with you as yet - coming from your time together, that will surface, but you need to give her time to figure the whole mess out in her head. On the point about letting her go, frankly, I don't think that's your call, because you're in no fit position to make that choice, but if ya look at it from the angle of Mariah Carey's - Butterfly, ya might be in the ballpark. That's my opinion, and I'll have it; it wasn't intended as particularly ascerbic, but that's just me; ultimately, you created a vacuum in her head with the training and talking, made a void by having met up; finding the lie itself, was a Godsend - her trouble is though, her head is so empty of thought she had focussed on you, she doesn't know what to do right now. And frankly who can blame her? - pushing it won't get the result you want though. One things for certain, ya can't make her say things - 'I love you', or call you 'Daddy', if she doesn't really believe in them now, or at all - you wouldn't want her to lie to you, would you? I hope it sorts itself out one way or another, but in closing, I can safely say I've never been in that position myself - not even for when I knew I had to leave my first wife, even though potentially that faced me with some very dodgy ground. The truth is exactly that, painful though it is, sometimes. Sean. Lovingly Owned by ~Miss Phay~ 19 Apr 09, 2:26 AM punkinsDaddy 3 yrs What I can understand (not being British and all) I completely agree with, and you have very eloquently pointed out many of my concerns and feelings. I have asked her if she just wants her space and to be left alone, and she has told me no, not at all. 000-874-172 wrote: Some people might say this is harsh, others might not; opinions are what they are, and since you asked, I'll give mine, although I don't have any direct experience of this kinda thing per se. After all that time through all those media, using all those methods to big yourself up as the Daddy and the one that loves the girl, what do ya and do? Ya took a crap in the virtual bed (albeit the seed was already sowed, given that you only need to have been found out, rather than owning up), and then had the luxury of not having to live with the stink. It's in her head, not to mention that by the sounds of the way you've written your post, you just don't cut it for her as she thought you might, but doesn't know what to do about it, given that she's only known you a short time. 40 Days. She was all bigged up to run to you, spend that time with you - you can read it in her posts in the thread called 'Finally', and then... ...she gets dropped back down to Earth with an almighty thump. Of course, she 'will' have missed home, the goings on, her kids and such, of that you can be sure, but the discomfort she feels from being with you, and the uncovering of the subsequent lie upon her return home; she had her mind filled with anything 'but' loving 'Daddy', huh? So, what? You're saying you're suffering for what you've been through and the pain you've felt for what happened - to her - she has to deal with that, and now she has to reconcile it whilst coping with her day to day stuff to? How fair. Of course, it must be unpleasant for you to have gone through a prior divorce, but I'll say this about that particular point; not in the judgemental sense, but I find that if you're going to master/own someone, you to at least do it with integrity; you lied, you broke a trust, you were dishonest - to the one person who needed to put all her trust in you. That is just painful. Now, I realise of course, that I'm not furnished with all the details, nor would I wanna be, unless you wanna take a few hours typing the thing out - that's your choice I guess - but it's really quite clear that right at this moment in time, you're no master to this girl - only an equal. I'd at least suggest stop pursuing her, give her room to breathe and allow her to think about what she wants; right now, she feels betrayed by the simple concept of this lie in that if you've lied about that and she can look it up and ask questions, what else haven't you told her that she cannot see? There seems to be other issues, perhaps ones that she may not have discussed with you as yet - coming from your time together, that will surface, but you need to give her time to figure the whole mess out in her head. On the point about letting her go, frankly, I don't think that's your call, because you're in no fit position to make that choice, but if ya look at it from the angle of Mariah Carey's - Butterfly, ya might be in the ballpark. That's my opinion, and I'll have it; it wasn't intended as particularly ascerbic, but that's just me; ultimately, you created a vacuum in her head with the training and talking, made a void by having met up; finding the lie itself, was a Godsend - her trouble is though, her head is so empty of thought she had focussed on you, she doesn't know what to do right now. And frankly who can blame her? - pushing it won't get the result you want though. One things for certain, ya can't make her say things - 'I love you', or call you 'Daddy', if she doesn't really believe in them now, or at all - you wouldn't want her to lie to you, would you? I hope it sorts itself out one way or another, but in closing, I can safely say I've never been in that position myself - not even for when I knew I had to leave my first wife, even though potentially that faced me with some very dodgy ground. The truth is exactly that, painful though it is, sometimes. Sean. 19 Apr 09, 2:45 AM SeanT70 9 yrs punkinsDaddy wrote: What I can understand (not being British and all) I completely agree with, and you have very eloquently pointed out many of my concerns and feelings. I have asked her if she just wants her space and to be left alone, and she has told me no, not at all. Aside first, I don't 'do' British, I'm English, me! Perhaps the poor girl (it's Chey isn't it?) might like to have her own say at some point, because right now, all we have here is subjective, given that it's from one perspective, not both, not that I'm in the least interested in prying, but you asked for help, and hearing 2 sides is perhaps the way forward. Obviously, she may not feel very public at this time, and that's her free choice. Sean. Lovingly Owned by ~Miss Phay~ 19 Apr 09, 2:55 AM punkinsDaddy 3 yrs Of course she can write whatever she wants wherever she wants. I have told her that I posted here. 19 Apr 09, 7:38 AM Lion_Heart US(UT), 3 yrs Y! I think I know Chey fairly well from many private discussions I've had with her in the past. She's a good girl, intelligent, totally committed with her needs, and sensitive. She needs total trust from her Master/Daddy. I know this is very important to her especially knowing she's been let down before, so she is going to need time now to gather her thoughts. I don't believe in casting stones to anyone as I'll be the first to raise my hand and say I've said and done stupid things, but we hopefully learn from them and move on. In the meantime, hang in there, I'm sure you'll be hearing from her soon. Whatever her decision I'm sure, just like you, she'll be needing support. TSR and it's members are excellent in providing that. Respectfully Lion Heart 19 Apr 09, 5:14 PM punkinsDaddy 3 yrs Thank you for your kind words. Only time will tell what is in store for us. For now, I am just trying to be supportive and show patience... Because I love her. Lion_Heart wrote: I think I know Chey fairly well from many private discussions I've had with her in the past. She's a good girl, intelligent, totally committed with her needs, and sensitive. She needs total trust from her Master/Daddy. I know this is very important to her especially knowing she's been let down before, so she is going to need time now to gather her thoughts. I don't believe in casting stones to anyone as I'll be the first to raise my hand and say I've said and done stupid things, but we hopefully learn from them and move on. In the meantime, hang in there, I'm sure you'll be hearing from her soon. Whatever her decision I'm sure, just like you, she'll be needing support. TSR and it's members are excellent in providing that. Respectfully Lion Heart 19 Apr 09, 5:36 PM SirSeven 3 yrs slave_najah_of_VARR wrote: I just want to say,give it time, something like this isn't easy to forget I agree, give it time and be patient. Be honest with her and don't try to push too hard. I hope things work out for you both. Sir Seven Edited 30 Jun 09, 2:26 PM by SirSeven 19 Apr 09, 9:54 PM Master_Special UK, 6 yrs Y! Per your words in here, I am guessing that she lost all the interest on you. How come? In the past she always talked with you over the phone for few hours but now just around 1 hour ! In addition, you also mention that her reactions in chatting/phone are quite different than before. The main reason is that she lost the trust on you ! It is very simple as you did not tell the truth. If I were you , I would not contact her by phone/email/chat for 1-2 weeks and let her contact you first. However if she does not take any active action in this 1-2 weeks, you better look for a new one