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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "struggling" 1 2 struggling (14) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Sun 15 Mar 09, 6:11 PM XxTrickxX UK, 3 yrs i want so much to be owned and live my life through bdsm but im struggling to let go of my 'vanilla', if thats the right word, life. i found the perfect dom who i am comfortable with. i respect and care deeply for him. we had an instant connection but im still holding back. did anyone else have trouble, letting go? i would really like to read others experiences on coming into the lifestyle. with thanks and love XxTrickxX 15 Mar 09, 6:26 PM tails_SB UK, 6 yrs I'm not sure if its letting go, but I've definitely had trouble opening up... It seems to be happening in stages, like barriers being broken down I suppose. I think there's always going to be that struggle at first, even if M/s, D/s or whatever is what you want. It's been almost a year and I've still not really let go of a lot of things I have to. Just stick with it and try not to worry too much, take it slow if you have to - I'm sure you'll have plenty time to work things out dmtp. 15 Mar 09, 6:39 PM servinggirl 3 yrs I can empathise with having dual wants fighting for control within you. I know that being a slave will make me happier and more content than I ever have been but I am also terrified of opening myself up to being vulnerable with someone. There is so much scope for being hurt when you put yourself in that position. My first real experience of D/s ended after a very short period after the dominant mentioned something from his past which caused me to end the relationship. I do not regret making that decision but the hurt that I felt afterwards made me very wary of putting myself in a D/s situation again, nevermind working towards an M/s one. I do think though that if I want something badly enough, nothing will get in the way forever, not even my own fear. 15 Mar 09, 10:25 PM fireflies US(TX), 4 yrs i dated my Master for a long time as He slowly took more and more control of my life. Little things at first like having me shave my pubes off and remaining "bald" for Him because that is the look He liked for me. Then, He had my navel pierced and told me to grow my hair longer for Him, etc., again as this is what He wanted for me. my big "leap of faith" were my nipple piercings and tattoo He wanted for me, but by then i was His! As time went on my barriers fell and i accepted His piercings and ownership markings easily because i WANTED and NEEDED them from Him! Hopefully your Master will earn your trust, just give yourself time. If this is what you want, you will allow yourself to transform from plain "nilla" girl to an owned and happy slave like me. At least that is how it worked for me. good luck! i am my Master's tattooed and pierced whore, slut & cunt. i am His, He owns ALL of me, i do everything to please Him. 16 Mar 09, 12:37 AM JRCs_petk HK, 4 yrs Y! All good things take time, and rushing at this point is the last thing you need. Ds and MS relationships are not necessarily different from vanilla relationships in the sense that trust in your partner does not occur overnight. Much like building a house, you start with the foundations, the concrete, then build the walls. You're both still learning what makes the other tick. And hell, you're contemplating whether your Dom is responsible enough to take control over your life, the very life you've worked to protect and achieve. Not a small step. It took me a while to allow my Owner 'into' my walls, and even longer for me to lower them all together. I'd never been a complete open book in any of my previous relationships, it took a lot of time, effort and gentle coaxing on my Owner's behalf to finally get into my inner world. Once you've opened up a few times, shown your weakness, it does get easier to handle in future. I found the crux for me was that I did not want to show weakness, I was holding on to the little control I had. However, you'll find your internal enslavement creep in at times, without you even noticing it. If it's anything like my experience, you'll have a "Wow!" moment one day, when you realise just how far you have come, how much you have learned, and how much trust you have placed in your Dom. How you react at this time I'm not sure. Some people are overwhelmed, happy, others sometimes panic. But know that your Dominant will be there with you. Life is a continual learning curve, as soon as you reach your preset 'goalposts' you'll find another set in front of you. Enjoy the challenge. For the day we stop learning, is the day we're six feet under. Edited 16 Mar 09, 12:39 AM by JRCs_petk 16 Mar 09, 3:15 AM Master_Odin US(KS), 3 yrs XxTrickxX wrote: struggling i would really like to read others experiences on coming into the lifestyle. with thanks and love XxTrickxX nebulina and I began in a vanilla marriage. I had some previous experience with the lifestyle but she didn't. Once she found out about it she wanted to jump in all at once also. She spent approximately two years in training before I was convinced that being a slave was who she was, not just something she thought I wanted. (Very important to me) The seed is planted. If it is a good seed in the right soil it will grow and flower in due time. I know two years is an eternity at 20, but if you are serious about this a longer time frame may well prove to be the best investment of your life. Be patient with yourself, (Easier to say than do I know) Selah There is no authority, only responsibility. 16 Mar 09, 4:18 PM Nemesis_x UK, 4 yrs My first steps into BDSM were fun/strange. J didn't tell me he had previously had a M/s relationship, and even if he had told me, i wouldn't have known what he was talking about. The one occasion that i remember quite vividly - W/we were just messing around, he pinned me on the floor and started slapping my face quite gently, i laughed, he slapped harder... and so it went - I kept laughing, and eventually burst out crying. i don't know why it happened, because i was really enjoying myself, it could have been that i didn't understand what was happening and why i didn't try to stop it... But, yes, it can be a hard transition for some, especially if you don't really know what you're letting yourself in for. we're lucky we have these boards to turn to for advice & to learn from more experienced people than ourselves. All the best, Lucy x 17 Mar 09, 2:59 PM Flowerbelle UK, 4 yrs yes i had a tremendous amount of trouble, because i didn't want to be a slave. I've been a Domme all my life, and although deep down i wanted to be able to let go, i was too frightened not to be in control. Master had to literally smash through my defences and break me down. That process is still proceeding, more gently now, but the fear of being defenceless still fights with the urge to hand over and comply. 23 Mar 09, 2:12 PM LatexHer US(IL), 7 yrs Y! We have found that with any "Addiction" one must first face the fact that they have a need. Slavery to many women whom we have enjoyed meeting is similar to an addiction. Once you "Know" who you are, and what you are - the rest is history. "Letting Go" of your previous life may be difficult to you now, but I will assure you that the reward felt will soon overpower any of your fears. Our social teachings here in America interferes with the hidden desire of many women. We have become a country where men have become weak, and have lost the drive to lead! Women have been forced to enter the workforce, take charge of the family, and all to often wear the pants in the family! This behavior often confuses our natural senses hidden deep in our Psyche! As a DOM, I run things in our family. Although I respect the opinion of my loving slave in our relationship, I set the pace and rule. You my dear are lucky as a woman to have found direction. You have discarded the social teachings of our modern society, and chosen a path. A path which is right for you - BRAVO! More women who secretly desire to relinquish their power, and control should be like you! Master LatexHer 24 Mar 09, 9:32 PM 483-608-929 US(OH), 4 yrs It all takes time and patience and both must be willing to work at it. It is unrealistic to think that it will happen instantly overnight. All of U/us have been programmed by society and it's rules and code of proper behaviour. Those influences are hard to break. The two things that break them the best are trust and respect, both of which become stronger as the relationship grows. More is happening in your subconcious than you probably realize and there will probably be a moment when it all clicks in your head. Fretting over it won't help or hurry it. It may actually delay it. Gain confidence that the steps you are taking are leading to a worthwhile goal and enjoy the time it takes to reach it. Written by it with its Owner's permission. Thank you SIR. Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom. Marilyn Ferguson Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together 25 Mar 09, 7:35 PM Hisjoy US, 4 yrs i always knew that BDSM exsisted, but for me it was a dark and brutal world filled with dark dungeons with flicker candle light where a chained sub cried out from the lash of a whip, leather clad DOMs with their naked sub on leashes, collared women in revealing dresses that were to be used at the whim of any man....pretty much the stuff you find in porn or smutt novels; an unatainable fantasy that lingered in the back of my mind...and then i met "Mr. Oliver", and this fantasy became a reality. i met Mike about 6 years ago, i was an emotional damaged and wildly erratic teenager with a habit of getting myself into trouble, and He was calm and quite, endlessly patient, and His stillness attracted me to Him (not in a sexual way, but more in a brotherly way, a mentoring way). We talked about magicks, we played around with energy, watched Buffy, and all the while He planted seeds deep inside me that one day would bloom... ...that day was Feb 1st, and shortly thereafter, followed by a brief discussion where He established that i was, in fact, "on His team" i met Mr. Oliver. We helped each other discover the submissive and dominate within ourselves, and more than that, we were able to accept that it was okay to feel this way...we had a long intense 6 months filled with all sorts of new experiences; protocal, positions, duties, IE training (which i was never really outright TOLD he was doing, but i have my sneaking suspicions :P), and He constantly chipped and wore away at the castle walls that i had built up...He did this very efficiently, and it scared the shit out of me. Pretty soon i was feeling trapped, confined inside parameters that i had THOUGHT i wanted (and have come to understand that i still do...one day. just not TOday)...and i did something awful in order to escape. It ended up that even THAT didnt work, so i just bolted....i spent a long and lonely 4 months on my own, and it gave me time to work things out...we both realized that we were trying to form our relationship on someone elses idea of what a M/s relationship SHOULD be about...instead of taking the time to figure out what worked best for US. Now we see eachother a couple days a week (and talk all the time) and are slowly, but surely, (and did i mention Sloooooowly ) building a relationship that can work for both of us. In some ways it is the same as a Vanilla relationship...on others it is more difficult. <3HJ :: Quod me nutrit, me destruit :: Next page