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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "How can I inspire my husband ...?" How can I inspire my husband ...? (8) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Sat 7 Mar 09, 10:31 PM LadyHyacintha US(MD), 3 yrs Hello all. I wasn't sure if this should go in Dom or sub forums, so I put it here since I would be in the role of the submissive. I am a switch female. Typically I am dominant, but I long to be submissive to my husband. He however does not take to any type of Dominance easily. On occasion, with my guidance, he will be Dominant, but I wish to know what more I can do to inspire him to be Dominant. I want him to command me, push me around, use me, show me what I am worth to him. I want him to know my services are available for his use, domestic or otherwise. I would love to hear from other submissives who have been in similar places, or Dominants who had to learn to be Dominant over time. Thank you all. 7 Mar 09, 11:45 PM 483-608-929 US(OH), 4 yrs Unfortunately, I was in the same situation and the reason I say unfortunately is that my now exhusband came to resent trying to be forced into something he did not want. I wanted him to be more dominant and to do the things you described and it seemed the more I tried the farther he moved away from the role. He just wanted to be what he was and not have to change. Written by it with its Owner's permission. Thank you SIR. Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom. Marilyn Ferguson Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together 8 Mar 09, 8:30 AM ClairesCO UK, 3 yrs LadyHyacintha wrote: How can I inspire my husband ...? I wish to know what more I can do to inspire him to be Dominant. I would love to hear from other submissives who have been in similar places, or Dominants who had to learn to be Dominant over time. The second part of that is definately me. I'm in this lifestyle through being corrupted by my fiancee. Claire knows me very well. She started by offering me control of things that were very tempting, like helping her choose her clothes. A small step but an enjoyable one that's now progressed to the point where I have control over what she wears whenever we're together. We drew up a list of things we'd like to try, again loaded with things that are very tempting and we're working our way through it. Again, I'm finding a lot of pleasure in things I wouldn't have ever tried if Claire hadn't suggested them. Equally important, Claire knows what isn't me and isn't pushing me for those things. LadyHyacintha wrote: push me around, use me, show me what I am worth to him. The way you've phrased this isn't me. If I showed Claire what she was worth to me it wouldn't look very dominant, it certainly wouldn't be abusive or derogatory, and if it's not me and I'm meant to be in control then it isn't happening. Claire can ask me to take a lead but she can't (and isn't) trying to make me be anything I'm not. I think that's why it's working for us. So our lifestyle is becoming D/s is slow steady steps. We may end up with the odd game where I act very strict but I'm not a "strict for the sake of strict" type of person. If she wants that then she'll have to leave me, but I'm very fortunate that she wants a relationship with me and actually wants me to act like myself. Will 8 Mar 09, 5:42 PM Dorian UK, 5 yrs 483-608-929 wrote: Unfortunately, I was in the same situation and the reason I say unfortunately is that my now exhusband came to resent trying to be forced into something he did not want. I wanted him to be more dominant and to do the things you described and it seemed the more I tried the farther he moved away from the role. He just wanted to be what he was and not have to change. This sound very familiar to an experience that I had. Perhaps the answer is to try talking and to try to find out what your partner is prepared to do, or how far they are prepared to go - in a non pressured way. I do know of some couples where one of the couple gets their BDSM fix elsewhere with their partner's knowledge. I am not sure that this is right for everyone though. I just know how difficult it can be when one partner says BDSM is not their thing! 10 Mar 09, 3:01 PM Paper_of_the_Pen CA, 3 yrs For a long time....maybe months and months, I would top from the bottom. I just couldn't figure out why he couldn't control me the way I wanted to be controlled. No rules, no demands, no punishments when I did something wrong... But I've come to the realization that my Master is very mild-mannered. He is not a person who hits others, least of all me, and he is more of a compromiser. The things that he wants me to do are simple. Do the chores so he doesn't have to, let him sleep in when he needs it, don't chastise him, blah blah blah. You get my point. I am my Master's slave, because I am a slave to making him happy. This doesn't need defined rules. In fact it's very simple: just do what I think will make him happiest. This is what works for me...maybe you could try the same? 10 Mar 09, 8:33 PM 662-935-655 5 yrs in my experience with something similar, trying to be submissive to my late Husband/Master in the way i THOUGHT i "should" be, rather in the way HE really wanted, i ended up "shoulding" all over B/both of U/us and O/our relationship. (And if you don't get "shoulding" say it out loud!) it has also been something i've had to learn in life- something ELSE- that i have found N/nobody can change A/anyone but themselves only. If two people are dancing and one is leading, if the one following does not follow that lead, both can very likely end up on the floor. To me, to try to change His essential nature is kind of maybe - i don't know your situation, but for me it would be- topping from the bottom, which seldom seems to work in any permanent long term relationships. one idea may be what some people do - have a vanilla spouse and with that one's permission and knowledge, have a non-sexual Owner/Dom to fulfill their needs. i've not had experience with this for myself; however, it seems to work with some people. i wish Y/you both the best in finding Y/your own way through this! j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! alias "GRANNY" Matrika ye "OLDE" crone, bright blessing! 11 Mar 09, 2:10 PM servinggirl 3 yrs Do you think that asking your partner to behave in the way that you want him to behave, rather than in the way he wants to behave, is a form of domination? Do you think that if he agreed and behaved as you have said you would like him to behave, it would feel real? 12 Mar 09, 5:54 AM LadyHyacintha US(MD), 3 yrs As I need Dominance in my life, my husband and I decided to take a different path and I have signed a contract to be a submissive to a Master, while maintaining my vanilla relationship with my husband. It was the best option for the both of us, I believe. The contract sets limits, and has given my husband some control in the matter, so that it is safe and accessible. 12 Mar 09, 10:30 PM slave_uli 5 yrs £ i am sorry for the question. if i understood you correcly that the third person -Master is now involved? Edited 12 Mar 09, 10:31 PM by slave_uli