Open Air Bondage - the best outdoor BDSM shoots    [other banners]

	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Losing/Lost Respect of Slave" 1 2 Losing/Lost Respect of Slave (18) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. 7 Mar 09, 9:08 PM 688-764-833 US, 5 yrs MasterRevolver wrote: ...I felt that since she was spotting the bill all the time, I should be nicer, and that snowballed into flat out disrespect.... So she was okay with the situation but you weren't? So you taught her not to be okay with it either? Is that what happened? Unfortunately, in my experience, it's much harder to regain respect than it is to lose it: it is doable, however. First, you have to decide (and believe) that her earning the money that supports you both is a service to you, just like any other service. You have to believe it: only then can you can convince her. You may wish to balance that by doing chores around the house- that way you are contributing, so you feel better, and she does not get run ragged; not to placate her or make it "fair" but to allow her to stay in good health and focused where you need her to be focused. I also recommend not having her literally paying the check when you go out: in my opinion you should be doing that regardless of where the money comes from (it would be less uncomfortable for you, I think). Cheers, Leesie 7 Mar 09, 10:10 PM 662-935-655 5 yrs in my experience as a slave, when my Husband was unclear about what He wanted from the marriage - i think even in His own head- during our Vanilla years, this was very confusing to me. i got double messages and wasn't sure what He wanted sometimes. And i've found both in vanilla and kink, that often times things are most of a mess when there is no clear communication - esp. for a slave, of what is precisely expected. i did best when i knew what was wanted of me, not when i had to guess. For U/us it really was true what they say of the word assume being that it makes an @$$ out of u (You) and me. in my recovery fellowship W/we often say that expectation is a planned disappointment - and that is something i had to keep from falling into on the slave end of the M/s spectrum as it manifested in O/our relationship. i had to separate what i thought a Master "should" be and a slave "should" be, into what was O/our actual reality- otherwise i ended up "shoulding" all over both of U/us. (And if Y/you don't get that last, just say it out loud! GRIN) j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! alias "GRANNY" Matrika ye "OLDE" crone, bright blessing! 9 Mar 09, 11:25 PM Moonlight UK, 3 yrs Y! That's waht nature is like- the lionesse provides the pray- the lion is still King of the Jungle 22 Mar 09, 9:10 AM MasterRevolver US(CA), 4 yrs I'm sorry I haven't replied sooner, but I'd sincerely like to thank everyone for their replies. Yes, this is a problem of self-confidence, but since posting originally I've seen a great deal of improvement. I've noticed that I live inside my head too much, thinking all the time instead of living and truly experiencing. It makes time go by fast, with nothing to show for it but stress. We've settled in to our new home which we love, and I find that I'm getting my old stride back. You know what the real fucked up about all this is, though? I came to this conclusion while watching "The Dog Whisperer". Since then, she's been much more respectful, loving, and happy in general. My own shame and depression was reflecting off of her, and life is just too short to linger on the bad days. Job-wise, I am still trying to get paid for my services under an apparently fraudulent annuity company I did some work for. But it's going to be okay. I need to keep going, with her just beside me and one step back. 6 May 09, 1:09 AM 849-311-531 4 yrs At one point in our relationship, i was making a lot more money than Master was, and it did make it very difficult for me to look up to Him and trust His judgment more than mine, as well as follow His orders and serve Him. Then i lost my job and He got a raise. Which gave me more rules, such as be kneeling at the door when He gets home, have dinner made, have the house clean, wake Him with a BJ and/or sex etc. It made our relationship a lot better, we grew and i came to the realization of our relationship. Now He lost His job as well, and i have a part time job, but it took me realizing that whoever makes the most money doesn't matter, because we are still the same people. i am His slave/property and He is my Master. No matter where we rank in society, our own relationship is different. i see where your slave is coming from, it will probably take you 'being higher in society' than she is for her to realize the rankings in your own relationship. Even though now i have a job and He does not, it no longer effects our relationship, and i wish you the best of luck with this happening in your relationship. slave dani 6 May 09, 8:41 AM Ms_Valentine UK, 4 yrs It is a purely societal thing that we feel the man must support the woman in a relationship, doesn't seem to matter if it is vanilla or other wise. So, if the man is being supported he feels less of a man and that reflects upon his ability to dominate with confidence and that may have led to the female slave losing confidence in him and respect for him. That is a whole lot of 'if, buts and maybes' and needs to be sorted out with lots of talking. In my relationship, my sub paul, pretty well supports me as he earns many times over what I do. This does not make me feel like I cannot dominate or control him. He sees his working as a way of serving me as he keeps me in a comfortable lifestyle and funds our life together. I would still love him and want to be with him no matter what the situation but he sees his salary as one of his most important practical contributions to the partnership, just as a dominant man would. Men, whether sub or Dom are still men and share many of the same traits. 7 May 09, 12:15 PM destinynh 3 yrs MasterRevolver wrote: I'm sorry I haven't replied sooner, but I'd sincerely like to thank everyone for their replies. Yes, this is a problem of self-confidence, but since posting originally I've seen a great deal of improvement. I've noticed that I live inside my head too much, thinking all the time instead of living and truly experiencing. It makes time go by fast, with nothing to show for it but stress. We've settled in to our new home which we love, and I find that I'm getting my old stride back. You know what the real fucked up about all this is, though? I came to this conclusion while watching "The Dog Whisperer". Since then, she's been much more respectful, loving, and happy in general. My own shame and depression was reflecting off of her, and life is just too short to linger on the bad days. Job-wise, I am still trying to get paid for my services under an apparently fraudulent annuity company I did some work for. But it's going to be okay. I need to keep going, with her just beside me and one step back. When i first read your post and the responses that followed i almost stopped reading it because i felt everything that needed be said, was already said. i am glad i kept reading it and found your update to your situation, the fact that you were able to isolate the issue at hand and react to it in a positive way is not always easy to do. Congratulations, leave the past behind you and keep looking towards You & yours future together as that is what you can control. Trust is feeling totally safe and secure while knowing you're totally vulnerable 8 May 09, 4:59 AM LovingMasterDaddy US, 3 yrs Some random thoughts/ recommendations: 1) Presuming that such is truly the case, assure her that her status as primary breadwinner is strictly temporary. 2) Seriously consider an arrangement where her salary (& other financial compensation) is placed into a trust fund checking account, for which you are the sole executor. This would, in effect, give you control over her money (thus solidifying the Master/slave relationship from a financial standpoint). 3) If you are a dependent/beneficiary of any benefits that are associated with her employment (for example, if you are a dependent on her health insurance, etc.), consider working with her to both (a) give you power of attorney to manage her relationships with such benefits providers, and (b) filing appropriate HIPAA and other compliance forms (presuming you're in the U.S.) with such companies, to allow you to directly interact with such companies without her ad-hoc consent. 4) If she is a full-time member of your household, consider having her quit her job once you have replacement income that is sufficient to support you both. 5) Work your @$$ off to get such a job ASAP (I agree that such is your responsibility - she shouldn't have to be placed into such a position (presuming that you want to be her first/exclusive focus), but such is presumably unavoidable at the moment). The goal behind the above is simply to... {a} assert your control over EVERY area of her life that is pragmatically possible, despite her financial role in your life at the moment, {b} reassure her that you intend to "right the ship" ASAP (and that you have a specific plan for such), and {c} Engender the dependency upon you that you (rightfully, IMHO) feel is necessary for a 24/7 TPE relationship (presuming you want this), ASAP. Hope this helps...