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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Feeling kind of bad" Feeling kind of bad (8) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Sat 28 Feb 09, 10:20 PM EilisMoonfire US(WA), 4 yrs Since Master deployed he has been begging me for pornographic videos of myself, which is a pretty standard request, but the idea of doing so makes me horribly uncomfortable and paranoid that another guy will stumble across it on his laptop. Until recently I had been using various excuses to not take them, but yesterday I told him how it made me feel and between my self-loathing and my fear of other finding it, he decided it would be ok to forgo them as he'll be home in 4 months. But now i feel kind of bad about it. I want so bad to be a good slave for him, but I can't get over my body image. I like to believe if I weighed less I'd be more comfortable with being on film. I don't know, am I being selfish? I mean, I have sent him pictures but for some reason the video makes me feel more self conscious. All I know is I'm so very lucky to have a Master who takes my feelings into account. I don't know, should I get over myself? What do y'all think? One day soon Master will come home and this slave will be whole again. 28 Feb 09, 10:45 PM Eclectic1 US(ID), 4 yrs Pornography in that part of the world is not a welcome thing. It is probably wise he decided to for go that pleasure. There could be possible repercussions from the military as well. Big brother never shuts its eyes. Feel comfortable that you did not have to send the pictures and that he took your feelings into consideration. Sounds like you are a lucky couple. Enjoy. 1 Mar 09, 4:20 AM Master_Odin US(KS), 3 yrs EilisMoonfire wrote: Feeling kind of bad Since Master deployed he has been begging me for pornographic videos of myself, which is a pretty standard request, but the idea of doing so makes me horribly uncomfortable and paranoid that another guy will stumble across it on his laptop. Until recently I had been using various excuses to not take them, but yesterday I told him how it made me feel and between my self-loathing and my fear of other finding it, he decided it would be ok to forgo them as he'll be home in 4 months. But now i feel kind of bad about it. I want so bad to be a good slave for him, but I can't get over my body image. I like to believe if I weighed less I'd be more comfortable with being on film. I don't know, am I being selfish? I mean, I have sent him pictures but for some reason the video makes me feel more self conscious. All I know is I'm so very lucky to have a Master who takes my feelings into account. I don't know, should I get over myself? What do y'all think? Body image issues are common. I do think you should, "get over it", but that it will take your Master's help to do so. For now, obey your Master as I suspect he has told you to not worry about it? Unlike what our common culture says, every woman is beautiful, a work of art, separate and unique in the universe. (Just because a man chooses to build his house on a mountain doesn't make the sea shore any less beautiful) If one can't see the beauty, one is either blind or the beauty has been hidden by the dust of neglect and abuse. (mild humor alert, please place tongue firmly in cheek) Also, some women are naturally thin, others not so much. For someone to keep themselves unnaturally thin, they must become good at saying "no" to things they like. What guy wants a woman that is good at saying no? (grin) (remove tongue from cheek) Your Master chose you. Apparently he likes the way you look or he wouldn't have asked for the video. So who's opinion of your body should a good slave put into her heart? Her own or her Master's? If He thinks you are beautiful who are you to argue and why would you want to win that argument anyway? (Yes, I know that is much easier to type than do, hold on he will be home soon) Selah There is no authority, only responsibility. 1 Mar 09, 5:13 PM Hesperus US(CT), 3 yrs Y! I had a similar problem with baby slave. Posting images to this website was a big step for her. One of the hardest lessons I have taught my baby is that I am the only judge. If she judges herself she is being presumptious in that she is attempting to do my job as Master. Learning that you ARE what Master judges you to be is a difficult lesson. Judging yourself is rude and wrong. As a slave you are the property of your Master and as such He is the only one to judge you. Your Master is obviously proud of your body and thinks it is beautiful. All you need to learn is that your Masters judgement makes it the truth. If He says your beautiful then you are... end of story. Learn to trust and except your Masters judgement and you will be a much happier slave. BTW baby slave is sitting next to me nodding her head up and down vigorously and smiling at this. :^) Hesperus 2 Mar 09, 5:28 AM 662-935-655 5 yrs Master used to have me say i was/am a VERY B I G Big beautiful woman and would get very upset if i called myself Fat and Ugly- the latter term being patently untrue - or if i said i was a "bad girl" for no apparent reason or over something miniscule. But perhaps you should consider this, OP, it was Him showing me BDSM pix of women my size and bigger that i started to feel comfortable with my body- those women who let themselves be so photographed helped me more than they will ever know. i'd also struggle with this, had He asked me to do it, but for me it didn't happen because the Church He was/is Priest/Elder in so thoroughly frowns on pornography He would not take the risk - because it could get U/us both excommunicatd and that faith is/was very important to Him - at least it was while He still walked the earth. But i just have to share that - because these Big Beautiful Broads (BBB) who did let themselves be so portrayed really helped me so much in doing so, without ever knowing! By the way, there are plenty of guys like my late Master who prefer B.B.W. or BBBs - Master put it this way: He told me He didn't want to have to shake the sheets to find me in the morning. Big women often have, well, uh, they are often well endowed in the front! And we are also "cuddly" or so i have it on His say so - and He never ever lied to me on purpose. He made mistakes like all humans, but He never lied! i don't know if that helps any and if your Master is deployed in the war-zone, kindly tell Him that this old lady had a nephew and great neice in the military, the nephew having been deployed to Iraq, the N.Korean border and it now looks like Afghanistan. My late Husband was a Nam era Vet, and my late Dad and my living 86 year old mom both served in the army in WW2. Also Master's Sister served in Vietnam and my dear friend who is my Pagan Mentor served between Nam and the first gulf war. Let Your Owner know that there are many F/folks out here, regardless of politics, who support and pray for O/our troops and take it quite seriously. Please thank Him for me for His service! j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! alias "GRANNY" Matrika ye "OLDE" crone, bright blessing! 2 Mar 09, 6:26 AM EvaMaria US(CA), 3 yrs EilisMoonfire wrote: I like to believe if I weighed less I'd be more comfortable with being on film. C's hobby is photography and he is much less critical of my body than I am, so I think I understand how you feel. There isn't any person who doesn't look best in tone and at a healthy weight. I don't think it makes sense for you to give yourself grief for knowing it. The thing I would do is make it a priority to get myself in the best shape possible. Your master is satisfied with your appearance and respectful of your feelings, and that's a very good thing. But unless he specifically feels the way you look now is the only way he cares for, there's no reason you shouldn't have a body that appeals to you as well. Camille 2 Mar 09, 6:58 AM EilisMoonfire US(WA), 4 yrs Master loves my shape but knows being this size makes me unhappy and he says he only wants me to be happy. I have been dieting and exercising but because of my bi-polar medication losing weight has been...beyond difficult, I am working on getting it changed so hopefully *crosses fingers* I really appreciate the kind words and advise everyone has given. Thank you One day soon Master will come home and this slave will be whole again. 2 Mar 09, 7:02 PM PuppyClaire UK, 3 yrs Hi, I imagine, from your language. that your partner is in the armed forces. Mine is too, and he's spent a lot of the last few years overseas. The job makes it hard to send anything you're uncomfortable with. Even though my partner is an officer and so his unit wouldn't dare go through his things, we've always played it safe and he's only ever asked me for things that would be mildly embarrassing if someone saw them, not mortifying. We stuck to photos involving lingerie or even revealing clothes that could be worn in public. A couple of riskier ones could be passed off as halloween costumes if anyone found them. Aside from photos he's got a lock of my hair and he's taken some of my underwear overseas before. With a bit of thought it's possible to come up with ideas that might make you blush a little, even if your Mum found them, but that wouldn't be pornographic. Claire 2 Mar 09, 7:07 PM SixThreeFive SE, 5 yrs I don't know if it's quite the same, but I wanted to share something I stumbled over a few months back: http://muffinsbunsandbiscuits.blogspot.com/2007/... Perhaps those of you who have or have had your Husbands/Owners/Masters/Whatevers deploy will find something in there that helps. Smile, it confuses people.