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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Owning a couple?" Owning a couple? (7) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Wed 18 Feb 09, 12:32 AM ravenkaldera US(MA), 6 yrs Yeah, usually I'm answering the questions, but occasionally I actually ask one. I'm curious as to whether any of the dominants on here have ever owned a mated couple, or at the very least been in charge of them. (Any gender combination.) I don't mean two subs collected separately who formed a tryst; I mean taking on an existing couple who were both subs. I've had a great deal of poly experience in my life, and a certain amount of poly D/s experience, but it's always been that the subs I've been in charge of/slaves I've owned have been single people who came to me and signed on, and if there was interaction between them, it was me bringing them together to play. But for a couple of years now I've been turning over the idea of getting a pair of subs who were already in a solid relationship with each other, but who wanted a dominant. However, this is a dynamic combination that I have no experience with. If any of the poly doms here can speak to it, that would be great. Some of the issues that come to mind: Having authority over them would mean having authority over their relationship, a relationship that is already established. I would think that it would almost be like having to learn the inner workings of 3 people - A, B, and what's between them. Obviously one wouldn't want to break them up, but has the dominant in such a situation ever had to play counselor when they were having problems? I would think that might even be part of the responsibility. Or is that going too far? What if they break up? Could one keep them both on anyway, and just make them behave well towards each other, put them in separate rooms, slowly work out the drama? I have met situations like this twice before - once it was a male/female couple and once a female/female couple - but I didn't know the dominants well enough to get their contact info, and anyway it was years ago. I also met, years ago, a sub couple who were looking for such a situation and talked to me in depth about their relationship, but I wasn't their sexual preference and anyway I was looking for someone else at the time. But there are many questions I wish I'd asked. I know that asking this on here is a long shot - heck, I expect that asking this anywhere is a long shot. And I don't want to come across as a panting lecher; I am honestly interested in how folks handled possible problems before I get myself into something. Being as no one yet has written the definitive book on poly D/s. (No. Not yet. I'm too busy!) Thanks, -Raven Kaldera -If you're in charge, it's all on your head. If it's not all on your head, then you're not really in charge. 18 Feb 09, 2:55 AM Lord_Laraby US(NY), 6 yrs Y! ravenkaldera wrote: Owning a couple? ... Obviously one wouldn't want to break them up, but has the dominant in such a situation ever had to play counselor when they were having problems? I would think that might even be part of the responsibility. Or is that going too far? ... What if they break up? Could one keep them both on anyway, and just make them behave well towards each other, put them in separate rooms, slowly work out the drama? ... I know that asking this on here is a long shot - heck, I expect that asking this anywhere is a long shot. And I don't want to come across as a panting lecher; I am honestly interested in how folks handled possible problems before I get myself into something. -Raven Kaldera Hi, Raven I have aso talked to a sub/sub couple in recent times and had many of the same questions and issues in mind. It's kinda interesting to think of the dynamics at play between all the people involved. Especially since I have angel already, which is an established relationship in my control. Then add another established (possibly married) couple to the mix with total power transfer to me. It almost puts one in a godlike authority position. If I make a mistake in the deal might I accidentally destroy their bond? Can I improve it or diminish it? What is the best way to support what they have and still get what is best for my Lair? I play counselor with angel all the time. When she has any kind of emotional negatives I deal with them. But, how much ino that couples dynamic is good and safe? How personal and intimate can I get? Some of these questions seem easy enough to answer. As Master I need to know everything. Do I need or want control over everything? How much is good for me? For them? I would like to see an expert write a book with at least a chapter on this sort of thing. Thanks for the post. Call me LL 19 Feb 09, 11:10 AM Hawklord UK, 6 yrs It's a fascinating subject. It would certainly be jumping in at the deep end but it's a challenge that appeals to me. I did have a couple write to me but never heard from them again. I love the control of my slaves' minds and lives, nurturing, guiding and so on. Having that control over a couple who are already bonded would be fascinating though maybe more than I could handle. Discipline two at a time is also fascinating but I don't know how it would work with a bonded couple. Sexually it would be especially interesting. When I set up two female slaves to interact sexually I love to control that process. To control the sexual interaction between male and female would be even more fascinating. To command it, to stop it and so on. But life has another 20 hours of day to day living and it would be a lot of work I think. And I think a major headache would be simply that of taking on two slaves at once, bonded or not. It's a whole lot safer one at a time. As you say you rarely ask for advice and you have been a fount of wisdom so many times I would hesitate to advise you. But maybe the answer is to make absolutely clear to the couple what your rules and modus vivendi will be. As always in this lifestyle communication is king. I realize that does not answer your questions and I apologize. I have no experience at all. But the subject cought my interest. ravenkaldera wrote: Owning a couple? I'm curious as to whether any of the dominants on here have ever owned a mated couple, or at the very least been in charge of them. (Any gender combination.) I don't mean two subs collected separately who formed a tryst; I mean taking on an existing couple who were both subs. Thanks, -Raven Kaldera Sic volo. sic jubeo. stat pro ratione voluntas Edited 19 Feb 09, 11:33 AM by Hawklord 20 Feb 09, 5:38 AM 662-935-655 5 yrs oy! oy! it's also of interest to me because at some point in the collaring to my late Master, i suddently realized that my 2d ex of 3, the other 2 being gay, one unknowingly, and one in the closet - and the odd thing is i'm not bitter about that as i was in the whips-and-chains-closet for so long myself and it was difficult for my late Master, until i came out. But the 2d one i was and am somewhat bitter about with a problem shaking it; however, about 2 years in to the 4 1/2 years of the collaring when Master was alive, a light went on- despite all the reasons we seemed to have fought, me aand this ex, i realized we were both subs. Y/you all see at one point W/we had handcuffs and a whip - bull whip single tail, probably good we didn't use it, as we didn't know how- but the reason we didn't use it was because we fought over who "got to be" handcuffed and whipped and who "had to" do it. i've shared this before and when i told my late Master, He said 2 things - that this marriage to my 2d ex might have worked out if we'd admitted it and had a Dom over us both and that in part, my former mom-in-law served that purpose which is what kept us together as long as we did stay together,a bit over 9 years, about 9 3/4 years. But i realize that sooner or later his mom would have died and that if it had worked, i'd not have become Master's, so i am glad it happened just as it did. Still seeing that relationship in those terms eased the resentment and bitterness i felt towards that ex some and it made me see a whole new dynamic underneath the constant screaming fights that went on for 3 days at a time - i'm amazed nobody called the cops, really! and i wouldn't want to have been the Dom to officially take us over as in some ways my ex was a sub, in bed, but really he was more of a bottom, who i suspect would always have been trying to top from the bottom and an official "S.A.M" - annoying to me at best and certainly for a sincere Dom. Yet i too would like to hear about A/anyone who has made such a relationship work out of curiousity. It's a good point Raven- as always! j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! alias "GRANNY" Matrika ye "OLDE" crone, bright blessing! 2 Apr 09, 10:51 PM MasterPJ UK, 2 yrs Hawklord wrote: It's a fascinating subject. It would certainly be jumping in at the deep end but it's a challenge that appeals to me. I couldn't agree more! I've often discussed poly with my girl, but what has been asked is such an interesting concept. How delicious and what a challenge!! Note for nika: have no fear girl, I'm not going to be selling you any time soon, you're quite safe! If theirs is to serve, then Mine is to protect 7 Apr 09, 4:58 PM 487-312-778 FR, 4 yrs my dream,the "quintesence" of a kinky live. julia julia,travesti d'intérieur,bi tatoué et piercé,célibataire de 60ans soumis,recherche rencontre bdsm et sexe :trio couple ,voire femme pour rencontre en perspective de couple bdsm 7 Apr 09, 4:58 PM 487-312-778 FR, 4 yrs my dream,the "quintesence" of a kinky live. julia julia,travesti d'intérieur,bi tatoué et piercé,célibataire de 60ans soumis,recherche rencontre bdsm et sexe :trio couple ,voire femme pour rencontre en perspective de couple bdsm 21 May 09, 7:12 PM GerardVanDam NL, 3 yrs Ravenkaldera wrote: I would think that it would almost be like having to learn the inner workings of 3 people - A, B, and what's between them. --- I suppose 3(+)-somes are far more complicated than pairs. And we all know many pairs have rules that differ from all other pairs'. Poly relationships can be very difficult. Some mono people think poly is easier (more to choose from etc.). To them I sometimes try to explain how hard it can be: In mono there is just A+B. In a threesome there is A+B, A+C, B+C, A+BC, B+AC, C+AB and A+B+C. The A(me)+BC went wrong in my case, 24 years ago. Exactly what Ravenkaldera wrote about. My girls were NOT a pair. An already existing pair must be more difficult to guide. First of all they know things about their relationship you do not. Second, they may well be blind for their own problems. Later I found two sisters. The three of us were a good combination, but any two of us were not (not even the two sisters!)! Obviously this threesome had V-shaped aspects. But I needed the help of a sister in dealing with the other one. And they needed me to avoid unnecessary quarrels. To complicate matters: As soon as an x-some becomes an x+1-some, the dynamics may change in very unforeseen ways (I know of more than one suicide.). In most 3+somes there is one Decisionmaker (not necessarily a Master or Possessor). If all agree as to who should be the Decisionmaker there should, at least in theory, be fewer difficult problems. In Real Life, however, the task of the Decisionmaker is just too difficult for most. Maybe most important is knowing how to stop things before real damage is done. I hope this is useful food for thought. I am sorry I can't give any more real answers. Gerard English is not my first language. For many here it is difficult to express their feelings. If I make mistakes, please tell me.