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	TSR : Web boards : Other Topics : "my first real life/time bdsm experience!!!" 1 2 my first real life/time bdsm experience!!! (11) This post is on the Other Topics web board. Tue 17 Feb 09, 8:38 PM thekittenpup 4 yrs Holy crap i had my first real time bdsm experience! It was...profound! i have an online owner again and (the session was done with permission) anyway and my devotion to him is now incredible now! Anyway i got incredibly emotional. At the beginning i got incredibly angry. i mean i was spitting and yelling and swearing...i was quite ashamed of myself. Have any of you experienced profound anger during a session? ~brightest blessings, brandie~ http://onmyknees.sensualwriter.com/ 18 Feb 09, 12:03 AM 616-763-198 CA, 4 yrs Y! I have seen a sub of my online misbehave like that and had to order punishment. I had to excoriate her for her behaviour. 19 Feb 09, 8:34 PM MRmaster00 US(MA), 5 yrs Y! This typical behavior for someone that has anxiety from their actions. Sometimes guilty pleasure, other times fear of change or some reason to cause remorse. In time, as you procede with your submission you will acceept your fate and be less likely to be so self loathing 19 Feb 09, 10:11 PM anjuli UK, 4 yrs Hi brandie Anger as a response to intense stimuli in bdsm, the release of tension and emotional rush, and also to loss of control in D/s is really quite common. That's not quite the same thing as M/s or enslavement but this link to an essay on Reactance in Enslavement might give you a little insight... http://www.enslavement.org.uk/reactance It is not something that an experienced Dominant would be annoyed at or in the least disturbed by and nor does it have to do with shame or guilt. It can actually be a very positive sign and welcomed as pressaging release and submission to helplessness. Hope the reading helps. anjuli *** The quality of strength lined with tenderness is an unbeatable combination, as are intelligence and necessity when unblunted by formal education. *** Maya Angelou *** 19 Feb 09, 11:03 PM thekittenpup 4 yrs Thanks for the replies. Yea, through more reflection and a detailed report required by Sir, i have realized the anger was due to the blindfold. It removed me from my comfort zone and i felt a prisoner. Like the Dom i was with was a captor and i the prisoner. As i have no emotional ties to him that made it worse. im not ashamed of the pleasure of the whipping or wax, just my anger. ~brightest blessings, brandie~ http://onmyknees.sensualwriter.com/ 19 Feb 09, 11:41 PM EvaMaria US(CA), 3 yrs 807-721-457 wrote: im not ashamed of the pleasure of the whipping or wax, just my anger. I'm assuming you did no harm or unkindness to others - why do you feel it was wrong to be angry? I enjoy my blindfold but being hooded makes me VERY angry. Camille Edited 19 Feb 09, 11:43 PM by EvaMaria 20 Feb 09, 7:38 AM anjuli UK, 4 yrs I agree with Camille. Anger's just another emotion. A strong one we're kind of afraid of and told we have to control. It doesn't have to be a 'bad' feeling. Sounds like it was driven or triggered by a touch of fear because you didn't know this dom well which is pretty sensible of you if you stop to think about it... and given that you were trusting him with your intro to real life bdsm experience, the fact you released that anger rather than hold it back was probably welcomed by him. I know you have an online dom but have you both spoken to the r/t one to debrief after the experience? His experience of the physicalities will be invaluable to you... and I am sure he'll reassure you. This talking it thro and talking your reactions thro is all part of aftercare and I'd hope you were getting these sorts of messages from him and your dom too. anjuli *** The quality of strength lined with tenderness is an unbeatable combination, as are intelligence and necessity when unblunted by formal education. *** Maya Angelou *** 22 Feb 09, 2:26 AM thekittenpup 4 yrs Yes, he im'd me right away the next day, and we spoke. And yes, he did reassure me that reacting the way i did was normal, as i was new, etc. He was really very good with me about it. I guess i just deal poorly with anger *shrugs* ~brightest blessings, brandie~ http://onmyknees.sensualwriter.com/ 22 Feb 09, 3:29 PM NightHawk_uk UK, 4 yrs Hello speaking from a own'ers POV I would like to add this sm/ll thought for future referance . sometimes the sensations during play esp: a first time scene the submissive can go ( without knowing ) what we call sub drop and lie'ing at the base personailty is a state known as the animalistic state. where core emotions lie it's a state that many aviod but some revel in it's nothing to be ashamed about bu8t just one of many states the mind can take you too. Just My thoughts maybe something you might need to be aware of in-future. NH. 8 Mar 09, 4:05 PM 908-932-936 UK, 3 yrs Y! Now that you've had time to think about it, are you looking forward to a repeat performance? 8 Mar 09, 8:57 PM thekittenpup 4 yrs Not from that particular person. He's turned out to be a complete asshat. I have had a follow up session with my sister actually (more of a soul sister we don't share parents) and it was a very good spanking session, Sir got to watch on webcam. I would like to have future sessions just not with the previous guy *shudders* ~brightest blessings, brandie~ http://onmyknees.sensualwriter.com/ Next page