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	TSR : Web boards : Internal Enslavement : "Appreciation and power exchange" Appreciation and power exchange (10) This post is on the Internal Enslavement web board. Thu 12 Feb 09, 7:17 PM Mistress_Tiara 5 yrs How does appreciation feature in your M/s or D/s relationship? For example how often do you show or express gratitude to the other party? How do you express appreciation? What sort of things do you express appreciation for? Are there things you take as expectations and therefore not show or feel appreciation for? Do other people ever refer to the ways/ amount any of you show appreciation? Do you ever feel a lack of appreciation by the other party and if so how do you respond to that? Do you see lack of appreciation as just a by product of your dynamic? Do the Dominants regularly express appreciation for their s-types efforts or do you see this as a basic expectation that does not require regular expressions of appreciation? Do you see praise as different to appreciation? How often and in what ways do s-types express or show appreciation to their Dominants? Feel free to just respond to the parts of this that interest you, the questions are just there as helpful starting points. I look forward to your replies, Tiara 'If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these together ought to be able to turn it back and get it right side up again'. Sojourner Truth. 12 Feb 09, 7:31 PM Red_Spark UK, 5 yrs Mistress_Tiara wrote: How does appreciation feature in your M/s or D/s relationship? For example how often do you show or express gratitude to the other party? How do you express appreciation? I don't know exactly how often I express appreciation... I try and express it whenever it seems appropriate, just as I would do for anyone... for one reason it is polite, for some people's dynamic there is no 'need' to be polite to one's slave, but also I see it as people can become disillusioned without appreciation, it isn't nice, it's not what I would choose to inflict on someone... it is more of a long term sort of oppression imo, fair enough if that is your thing but I'm not sure I have the care to handle it from the M side of things. What sort of things do you express appreciation for? Are there things you take as expectations and therefore not show or feel appreciation for? Sometimes I suddenly remember that I'm taking something for granted and remind myself to express appreciation for it. Because I still do appreciate service from a slave. Like I smile and say thank you to a waiter or shop person, yeah service is expected from them as it's their job, but that's no reason not to try and make them feel good for one second. Sometimes I will consciously suppress the 'appreciation response' deliberately in order to reinforce dynamic, though in a subtle way. Do other people ever refer to the ways/ amount any of you show appreciation? Not that I've noticed... Do you ever feel a lack of appreciation by the other party and if so how do you respond to that? Do you see lack of appreciation as just a by product of your dynamic? Not that I recall... If I did feel unappreciated I would probably just say so lol. Do the Dominants regularly express appreciation for their s-types efforts or do you see this as a basic expectation that does not require regular expressions of appreciation? Do you see praise as different to appreciation? I think praise is different, it's praise for e.g. something done especially well, or if they do something unusual above the ordinary. I try and be appreciative in general because I think it oils the wheels. I'm like that in all walks of life. Maybe it's a bit manipulative, cos I find you can get more out of people if you show appreciation for their efforts. 12 Feb 09, 7:45 PM subluna SE, 3 yrs For me appreciation is not necessary. My work should be to Mistress satisfaction. If not, i have failed, and criticism or scolding is what is expected. Might be even punishment. subluna 12 Feb 09, 8:09 PM crystalredroze US(OH), 4 yrs Y! Mistress_Tiara wrote: Appreciation and power exchange How does appreciation feature in your M/s or D/s relationship? For example how often do you show or express gratitude to the other party? How do you express appreciation? What sort of things do you express appreciation for? Are there things you take as expectations and therefore not show or feel appreciation for? Do other people ever refer to the ways/ amount any of you show appreciation? Do you ever feel a lack of appreciation by the other party and if so how do you respond to that? Do you see lack of appreciation as just a by product of your dynamic? Do the Dominants regularly express appreciation for their s-types efforts or do you see this as a basic expectation that does not require regular expressions of appreciation? Do you see praise as different to appreciation? How often and in what ways do s-types express or show appreciation to their Dominants? Feel free to just respond to the parts of this that interest you, the questions are just there as helpful starting points. I look forward to your replies, Tiara i dont know exactly how often but i do tell Master how much i appreciate not only Him being in my life and the life we have built together but also for everything He does for me. Without Him in my life right now and during the time in which He moved me in i dont know what would have happened to me, quite possibly i would have ended up in a bad situation. Being here with Master, He takes care of everything adn i dont really have to worry about the finances. However, i take nothing for granted from Master. He has told me how much he appreciates me and i like that but in ways feel its almost not necessary for Him to tell me that as i realize that by me taking care of Him and seeing to His needs, be it the house or physical needs is why i'm here with Him and this may not come out right but in a way i see it as almost earning my keep by taking care of Him and trying to reduce His day to day stresses. We are very affectionate people together and i feel that much of our appreciation for each other is shown by affection. i do see praise as being apart from appreciation in some instances for example i wouldnt see it as appreciation if Master told me "good girl" or "good slave" if its being said to me after say a sexual act. Even though i do appreciate hearing that. However on the flip side if He said the same thing to me after completing a new task or something He knows i find challenging and dont like to do but am doing it just for Him then i see where it could be inter switchable. 12 Feb 09, 10:34 PM Eclectic1 US(ID), 4 yrs I have never felt to big or proud to say thank you or express how well I thought something of difficulty was done. It seems a smile or a hand through the hair is at times a non verbal form of acknowledgment of something well done. EVERYONE needs that at times. 12 Feb 09, 11:19 PM Andrin DE, 3 yrs My view: I say please and thank you all the time. I show my appreciation and gratitude for the services given. Martin's view (an ex-colleague with whom I occasionally make a motorbike trip or invite him for dinner; he is unaware of the nature of the relationship): “You never have a nice word for your friend. You're just commanding him around.” Sylvia's view (an ex-colleague who together with her hubbie is often invited for dinner; they are unaware of the nature of the relationship): “You're really treating your friend by far too nice. You really spoil him and let him walk all over you.” Andrin 12 Feb 09, 11:32 PM crystalredroze US(OH), 4 yrs Y! Andrin wrote: My view: I say please and thank you all the time. I show my appreciation and gratitude for the services given. Martin's view (an ex-colleague with whom I occasionally make a motorbike trip or invite him for dinner; he is unaware of the nature of the relationship): “You never have a nice word for your friend. You're just commanding him around.” Sylvia's view (an ex-colleague who together with her hubbie is often invited for dinner; they are unaware of the nature of the relationship): “You're really treating your friend by far too nice. You really spoil him and let him walk all over you.” Andrin i like how you put that. Yes, everyone sees it different, especially those on the "outside". That kind of reminds me of the time my mother met Master. Of course she was nice to His face but once He left she made the comment to me that she didnt know why i would like someone like Him because to her He seemed too controlling...Master and i laugh about that now of course especially with as nice and respectful as He could have been to her. 12 Feb 09, 11:58 PM ravenkaldera US(MA), 6 yrs I'm an insensitive sort, so I rarely remember to give appreciation. I've trained Joshua to come ask for head-pats if he needs them. Since he's an Aspie, he's fine with that. I realize that this would be difficult for the sort of person who must have them come spontaneously or they're no good. But even then I think it's more about getting an assessment or a simple reassurance that he's doing all right than special appreciation per se. Josh's Aspie nature also means that it never occurs to him to give me appreciation. Once in a great while I'll ask for it, but I think that he sees needing it as a sign of insecurity. Fortunately it's not something that I need except on rare occasions when I've been feeling particularly hopeless. I have a large ego and an impervious nature and that carries me through. This is different from please and thank you, which is simply courtesy. Or even "thank you for making dinner". I think of appreciation as something more personal: "I really love the way that you arrange the food on the plate as pretty as pictures in a restaurant menu." That sort of thing. We rarely deal in appreciation for appreciation's sake. -Raven Kaldera -If you're in charge, it's all on your head. If it's not all on your head, then you're not really in charge. 13 Feb 09, 4:40 AM 613-411-535 3 yrs I always say "Thank You" to my Mistress, every time she contacts me. She is making me sell off my possessions, bit by bit. She gets the proceeds. She also gets a tithe from my earnings for as long as She allows me to work. She allows me to go without so that I can buy her gifts on her birthday. I find her images I think she will like and writings, too 14 Feb 09, 2:57 AM Master_Odin US(KS), 3 yrs Mistress_Tiara wrote: Appreciation and power exchange Do the Dominants regularly express appreciation for their s-types efforts or do you see this as a basic expectation that does not require regular expressions of appreciation? Do you see praise as different to appreciation? Tiara I usually say please and thank you because I like the civility of it. I regularly use positive feedback as a training aid and counter balance to negative feedback. I express appreciation when and where I deem appropriate. Used too often, regularly it can become an expectation and loose its effectiveness. In our case praise and appreciation are usually synonymous. Selah There is no authority, only responsibility. 28 Mar 09, 3:22 PM Mistress_Tiara 5 yrs Thanks for everyones responses. I tend to say please & thankyou, and - in general terms - show appreciation. I also like my boy show appreciation, both in general terms, and for specific kindnesses or privileges. To me this is perfectly reasonable, and just makes life more pleasant.