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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : ""damaged goods"? " 1 2 3 4 5 "damaged goods"? (44) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. 14 Mar 09, 7:18 PM 258-321-589 US, 4 yrs i think that there is an equitable number of individuals who have endured abusive and challenging aspects in their lives in both M/s and vanilla lifestyles. After reading the various posts i am saddened that any living soul (non-human inclusive) should have to endure any action that would be harmful and damaging to them. i have frustrated my Master as i have buried and tend to replay the verbal abuse that i endured in my personal and professional life as well as what i have witnessed that has happened to others. i would say that might have been a factor in the career path i initially chose as i wanted to make life better for others and thrived on doing so while forgetting myself. i am the hardest on myself than anyone could be as it takes time to heal from being devalued. Amazingly my parents were not of that nature for the most part yet expectations were high so that we could grow. i believe that "genetics" played a part in my being a Type A personality. It can be hard for me to see myself as others may see me in a positive light as i ingrained the "negative" in me and haven't resolved how to let it go as i am fearful of getting hurt again. i am damaged and know so. i have a strong personality and have always been in control of my life to the nth degree even when i didn't want to be yet it was necessary. i find it a relief to let go of that control to my Master so that i can become who i was destined to be. As i have said to my Master i have a soft heart as he understands. Perhaps too soft at times. i apologize for the digression. my body, my mind, my soul given to be nourished and to feed Master David of AZ's hunger and desire 14 Mar 09, 10:27 PM cheykitty 3 yrs 258-321-589 wrote: i have a strong personality and have always been in control of my life to the nth degree even when i didn't want to be yet it was necessary. i find it a relief to let go of that control to my Master so that i can become who i was destined to be. I completely understand what you are saying. The way Daddy says it is that I have never had anyone take care of me or protect me, just hurt me so now I have an internal mommy that takes care of me. At first he got frustrated because he said that he had to get everything approved by the mommy before he could deal with the little girl. I wanted to let go so badly, but I was just so scared. But I when I finally took that leap it was so wonderful to be able to hand over everything to him and just simply worry about taking care of him and following his instructions and becoming the slave I was meant to be. Daddy's lil punkin I am His. My submission shows my devotion and my devotion shows my love. 15 Mar 09, 8:08 PM Hesperus US(CT), 3 yrs Y! Daddyspunkin wrote: ...it was so wonderful to be able to hand over everything to him and just simply worry about taking care of him and following his instructions and becoming the slave I was meant to be. Beautifully said. baby slave had a moment like that, it finally dawned on her that by surrendering all to Me she actually was happier. It is wonderful to hear and see it happen. A slave fulfilled. God I love this lifestyle!!!!! Hesperus Edited 15 Mar 09, 8:13 PM by Hesperus 16 Mar 09, 12:25 PM LadyCarmen US(KS), 3 yrs Y! I've been following this thread and, like others, have debated replying to it. I was abused as a child, not in the same way others were, but it was definate physical, emotional, and mental abuse. As a result of that, I attract men (I hesitate to call them that) that are abusive. I was also raised to believe that a Woman should defer to a man. That NEVER felt right to Me. I've always felt............I'm not sure what the right word is, just different, like My proper place is to be worshipped, like a man should bow down at My feet, and worship the ground I walk on. I got married at 19 to a man that hurt Me in ways I didn't know existed. And I stayed, because that's what I was taught to do, to love him, to be the best little housewife that I could, and to do what My husband told Me to do. And it was wrong. I loved him, and it still wasn't right. I now know that, in addition to being the abusive jerk that he was/is, he was forcing Me to supress My true Self. I was trying to fit Myself into a mold that I could never, nor want to fit. I'm sure some of My Mistress tendinces stem from My past, I also know now that no matter what, I'd need to control the relationship, wheather or not I had been abused. But what I've lived thru has given Me an inner strength that I would've never had. I now know what is right for Me. Carmen "Bow down, surrender unto Me, submit infectiously, sanctify your demons into abyss, you don't exist, cannot resist"-Metallica 21 Mar 09, 2:42 PM slave_alexandria US, 3 yrs i was abused as a child - by an uncle. i really thought i was damaged. Sir tells me to consider the source. What made me feel that way - where am I now. I was able to move on with his assistance. there is a line in this l/s we live - between abuse and consent... someone posted something - i have not read it all yet - my apologies. but if it is not consensual it is abuse. our l/s takes so many hits because every union is different, people enjoy different things... but if for a moment, one thinks that they are in danger, that this is not what they wanted... if they cannot talk openly to their Master - it may be time to leave... 21 Mar 09, 3:54 PM ravenkaldera US(MA), 6 yrs From polling my friends, I believe that the percentage of people who've been abused in childhood is pretty much the same regardless of whether you're vanilla or not. The difference is that vanilla folks can go on much longer pretending that it didn't happen and not dealing with it. When you've got a relationship that directly works with power, pain, and other triggering things, however, you can't do that. So I believe that the survivors who are into BDSM talk about it more, and deal with it directly on an ongoing basis, because we have to. It's right there in our faces, and we don't have the privilege of ignoring it. This can make it look like there are proportionally more of us. -Raven Kaldera -If you're in charge, it's all on your head. If it's not all on your head, then you're not really in charge. 21 Mar 09, 7:29 PM slave_alexandria US, 3 yrs That was SO well said Sir. In a relationship like this so much is based on that trust, that it is impossible to not deal with it. 21 Mar 09, 9:01 PM EvaMaria US(CA), 3 yrs ravenkaldera wrote: From polling my friends, I believe that the percentage of people who've been abused in childhood is pretty much the same regardless of whether you're vanilla or not. The difference is that vanilla folks can go on much longer pretending that it didn't happen and not dealing with it. When you've got a relationship that directly works with power, pain, and other triggering things, however, you can't do that. So I believe that the survivors who are into BDSM talk about it more, and deal with it directly on an ongoing basis, because we have to. It's right there in our faces, and we don't have the privilege of ignoring it. This can make it look like there are proportionally more of us. The idea that the damage from abuse is any easier to ignore or less problematic within conventional relationships would make sense to me only if one considered them as a whole against only the most healthy and functional of M/s and D/s relationships. As in the percentages of relationships functioning at less than optimal levels among those who practice power exchange is likely similar among those who do not and the occasion of unresolved issues would therefore be similar as well. I agree with what Raven Kaldera says of the beneficial nature to M/s and D/s relationships, but I also see what might be a down side. Handing over one's sexuality to another could become a comfortable and compensatory thing. It's possible for the submissive to focus on gratification of the d-type to the exclusion of their own feelings, particularly in the case of abuse survivors for whom camouflaged repression is already a way of life. In fact, if that's a reality, then there is some logic to the idea that this aspect of our way of life does hold a strong appeal for victims of abuse and perhaps the community does have a higher percentage. Well, I'm just thinking here, anyway. I will be happy when more studies are done on power exchange relationships. Eva (The property formerly known as Camille ) 22 Mar 09, 9:18 PM OliveCS20 5 yrs I was abused until I was sixteen years old, physically, mentally, and emotionally. You never truly get over the past, you move on, you realize that you are not a victim, but a survivor, and that with surviving come its own strength. As a submissive, I think any person Master/slave, Dominate/submissive, it is a miracle that they have the strength to continue to search and give themselves to others. It is not an easy road, I still struggle daily with the memories, but strength comes in all kinds of packages. O Next page