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	TSR : Web boards : Internal Enslavement : "For those of you with children" For those of you with children (8) This post is on the Internal Enslavement web board. Fri 30 Jan 09, 12:52 PM Oysterman US(VA), 3 yrs My slave and I started out as a vanilla marriage. Through the years we have dabbled off and on with different aspects of D/s. While the we had fun with the different aspects of D/s it was if something else was missing there but yet we didn't quite know what it was that was missing. We finally went to a M/s relationship and both agree and identify with the aspects of IE. The missing link has finally been found for us. We are both happier than we have been in probably the whole time we were married. An added bonus is that it seems the kids have been happier too. There is much less arguing between the two of them. They get along better with us as well. The whole house seems to run smoother. So my question is this change in them attributed to the happiness they see in my slave and I or is it attributed to the added structure that there is in the house now where I have set myself up as the head of the household? 30 Jan 09, 1:44 PM property_of_MacCain 3 yrs Absolutely! Everything in the house is in balance here, too. i swear, the cat is better adjusted. i think it has to do with respect. If the kids see that thier parent figures treat each other with respect they absorb that. Everyone in the household has a place that is clearly defined. There is a definite pecking order. There is no room for uncertainty. This makes everyone more happy in general. There was a change in every one's attitude immediately. We became a team working for a common goal. It didn't stop there though, even outside the home the kids are well behaved. Teachers and other parent want to no the secret as to how we've instilled the kids with courtesies and respect. Strangers approach me when i'm out with the kids to comment on how well behaved they are. It is probably the best side effect of our dynamic! p i breathe because He allows me, indulging Him indulges me. 30 Jan 09, 3:02 PM bbound UK, 8 yrs Same here! We were married for 20-odd years before committing to our D/s relationship, the kids being 11 and 16. We've had to work hard at keeping the full extent of my submission from the kids, but they certainly noticed the better atmosphere (tho' my daughter did comment that I'm like some sort of "slave" to my wife, at one time). No more arguments; harmony reigns. The house is cleaner, chores and repairs are completed. My Mistress is far more relaxed and able to commit time with the kids. Better all round. 30 Jan 09, 9:45 PM EvaMaria US(CA), 3 yrs My answer would be yes, no, and maybe. I have no children of my own but our household consists of me, C, his 3 teenage sons, his grandson's mother and his grandson. Our relationship is an open business among everyone. Sometimes I think the nature of it has the benefit of giving them an "identity" for me that saves them any worries of me taking their mother's place. Alternatively, we have had some trouble because of it. My service/submission includes all the family. The ways are much more specific and all to a lesser extent, but it's part of our family dynamic. The trouble has been in the form of his 18 year-old (apparently) confusing this with an authority over me. It's generally small things such as making the tasks I am responsible to do for him more difficult, a lack of courtesy or that, but occasionally it will escalate to actual demands. The former can be annoying and I like to ignore it. In the latter C expects me to comply but also tell him of it. He will usually give some sort of sanction to Peter for doing it. I don't think it's oedipal in nature 'cause it's clear that he doesn't equate me with his mother but it's odd if for nothing other than its persistence. And I suppose it's complicated by his own situation - he's the father of C's grandson. This is the part that I like. Pres (grandson's mommy) is as knowledgeable and adventurous as the average teenager, which includes the tendency to consider M/s as basically a fashionable thing. And naturally, I don't care for it. But some months back, she asked if I would show her the "Table room" - it's the room where we keep all toys, furniture and other sexual items. Sort of a dungeon, but upstairs, warm and with carpet. Hee. Anyway. I did take her and while she didn't have much to say, she was very interested in everything. She was not shy to ask how a thing worked, or if and how much it hurt. The best part was as we walked downstairs, she took my hand - a thing she's never done before. I think when she's ready, we will talk more. It's nice. Camille 31 Jan 09, 8:54 AM little_linnet US, 6 yrs It seems to me that when a couple finds the relationship dynamic that works best for them, they begin to function well as a unit. I think this has to be beneficial for the family as a whole. Parents who are having their needs met parent better and make happier kids. Krista ... the ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart, not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good. 1 Feb 09, 2:02 AM 662-935-655 5 yrs In studies i read about to become a substance abuse counselor - talking 84 - 87 here, - it was said that children in households with better defined role-models do seem happier on my own experience, Master's kids weren't in touch with Him when alive, but the young lady from Church whose parents were great people with no parenting ability whatsoever adopted Master and me as her "Dad by choice" and "Step-mom by choice" - she got a big kick out of it. When i met Master's kids at His funeral - 2 sloppy divorces, and they thought they had forever to get back in touch with Dad as He was only 62 at the time - the youngest one was delighted with my Pentacle, picked it up slightly off my dress and says "i know what this means" and then tweaked the lead-ring on the Collar Master made for me and said "i know what this means" - seemed delighted by it and it was the high point of a very bad day for me. We've remained somewhat in touch. My sons were given up for adoption in 80 or so, as at the time their violent father would have got visitation or possibly custody - and he was the one whose violent attack on me, in an attempt to get at the kids and assault them, caused me to become legally blind. it was presented to me that the only sure way i could keep him from getting visitation and perhaps taking off to Canada with them and raising them in the bizarre cult He was in was to give them up for adoption - i did not know i could consult with a lawyer provided by the state and i did not know much of anything. So i gave them up for adoption. Fortunately i have recently and indirectly learned they were raised by a nice Jewish professional upper middle class couple who adopted them - and TOGETHER! So i've finally stopped beating myself up about it. But, truthfully, i was also very new in recovery at the time - less than 1 year sober in AA - and an undiagnosed/untreated bipolar/PTSD at the time, so i think it really was for their best interest. So my thoughts on child-rearing are more theoretical than any real practical experience. However that was the theory on the subject the last i looked it up - distinct roles in the family make for happier and better adjusted kids! And good luck - my late Master and i went from vanilla-difficult marriage to M/s and me collared and had the same experience of the vast improvement in the marriage. By the way, if nobody has said it, welcome to O/our World - as Master would always put it. (GRIN) j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! alias "granny" matrika ye olde crone, blessed be! 1 Feb 09, 12:36 PM Oysterman US(VA), 3 yrs Thank you everyone for your replies. While the fact remains that we have found a relationship dynamic that truly works for us, I think the fact that we now have clearly defined roled in the household and have a definite pecking order in the house now is what has made the biggest difference on the boys. That night after posting this question while eating dinner our 9 year old and I got into a discussion about the different bosses I have at work. That progressed to our home and who was the boss there. When he asked who was the boss of mom was our 12 year old quickly chimed in Dad is. So while we have not talked to our boys abour our relationship dynamic they have picked up on the new pecking order in my house and are thriving with it. 27 Apr 09, 9:33 PM MasterRog UK, 2 yrs After 20 years of marriage W/we have started in the M/s lifestyle and things have become great after a time of trouble. We are learning together and now have a different outlook, both more content with our lot. MasterR 1 May 09, 7:19 PM PyroGX US(AK), 3 yrs This is a touchy subject for me. Our household has always been more traditional with myself as the male authoritarian/breadwinner and my wife in the homemaker role. We eventually transformed that into a M/s contract, but since we already had the authority roles in place, not much changed to the children's perspective. However, the additional service roles of kink/puppy/slave errands/slave attire/speech - are all things that have no business in a developing child's mind. My 8 yr old only took a month to pickup on my wife suddenly addressing me as Master, which we immediately changed to the more benign "sir". Additionally, the constant collar must remain a subdued black choker to avoid the comments of even the 3 yr old. The whole relationship dynamic can only serve to skew a child's view of the world, especially a male. As consenting adults we have one very vital tool over a child, we have experienced a variety of relationships - many more vanilla, and can tailor our expectations/commitment within realistic boundaries. More importantly we understand the very real distinction between M/s and the rest of the world and how we must interact out there. So yes, M/s hierarchy increases the ease of household interaction - but the more important question is the "other" parts of service and their interpretation by children. Frankly I think Eva brought up an excellent point.... I would sooner show an 8 year old my toy box before I show an 18 year old.... over sexed, pride filled and stupid... not the right white board to tempt with being a master OR slave! Edited 1 May 09, 7:23 PM by PyroGX