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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Big decisions" Big decisions (10) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Thu 29 Jan 09, 9:02 PM PuppyClaire UK, 3 yrs This weekend, my partner and I are going househunting. It will be the first BIG decision we have to make together since we started trying out aspects of D/s life about 6 weeks ago. I can't wait, but there is a bit of me that wants to switch off being submissive while we're looking at houses, have an equal say and then go back to being submissive again. I figure this is normal, especially as I'm a beginner, but it's making me feel a bit cross with myself. I'm going to do my absolute best not to take over, and I'm going to tell my partner that he has final say. I'm not sure what I'm asking really, but can anyone share anything that will help me manage the feelings, or will it just come down to sheer willpower? Claire 29 Jan 09, 9:22 PM crystalredroze US(OH), 4 yrs Y! This is only from my point of view on this but being that you will be living there and expected to function there in whatever home you choose. i feel your input would be important. i would leave the ultimate decision to Him, however let him know honestly and respectfully what you think and maybe before hand give Him a list of items that you feel are important to have in a household, examples being how many rooms or types of appliances, how much storage you both may need ect. i would also discuss with him the different questions you may feel are important for the home owner, real estate agent or whomever your going thru. Good luck in house hunting. 29 Jan 09, 10:30 PM anjuli UK, 4 yrs Not if you ask him to manage it for you C. Will can ask for your imput and then still make the final decision. That's exactly how it is with J and I. He gave me a lot of leeway when looking at kitchens because I'm a keen cook. And yes it's exciting, it was for me too even just renting - I dread to think how exciting it will be when we actually buy! <laughs> When I get overexcited he sits me at his feet and takes control then I remember. Don't surpress your self. I'm sure he doesn't want it. It's a joyful time so enjoy it and then remember who you are when you sit down to talk about it. anjuli *** “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” Anais Nin *** 29 Jan 09, 11:21 PM Mistress_Tiaras_boy 5 yrs Thats great Claire, you must be very excited. i am sure it will be a good experience for you both. Good luck with the house hunting. i am sure your input will be very important to your D and it always pays to be honest. You will both be living there and i am sure he will want you to be happy too. All the best Mistress Tiara's beloved boy. 29 Jan 09, 11:42 PM thekittenpup 4 yrs i would say prepare a list beforehand. 3 columns "must haves" "must not haves" and "dont cares". Then He knows prior, and while youre doing the actual hunting you can sit back, be quiet and know that He will have your best interests at heart. OH YEA! Congrats! NOT SEEKING MEN ONLY SEEKING WOMEN http://onmyknees.sensualwriter.com/ "When you want it, it goes away too fast, the times you hate it, it always seems to last" ~ The Speed of Pain, Marilyn Manson Edited 29 Jan 09, 11:43 PM by thekittenpup 30 Jan 09, 9:00 AM tijaba US(MI), 4 yrs Even in a vanilla relationship, 6 weeks is a very very very short time frame to make a major commitment such as joint home ownership. If I was at this infant stage in a relationship, I would not even consider it. I suggest you need time to determine whether the life style relationship of your dreams has been attained or is best found in the arms of another. So, let you or him buy the house for now - the other's name can always be added to all that paperwork in the future. Best wishes! ''Tijaba is in service to Master Tim.'' 30 Jan 09, 11:56 AM Oysterman US(VA), 3 yrs If I were looking for a new house with my slave, I would seek her input before even starting the househunting. During the househunting I would also seek input from here. I would be the one making the final decision on which house I would buy. Whether I even used any of the input that my slave gives me is completely up to me. I handle other decisions the same way. I seek input from her then make the decision. She may present an idea to me that I hadn't previously thought of. Congrats on the househunting and good luck on finding one. 30 Jan 09, 12:00 PM anjuli UK, 4 yrs If you check the profile, or posting history, you will see they've been together, aside from one break, for four years, Tijaba! Can they look for a house now? <grins> anjuli Edited to correct that name - sorry. *** “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” Anais Nin *** Edited 30 Jan 09, 12:01 PM by anjuli 30 Jan 09, 5:09 PM little_linnet US, 6 yrs PuppyClaire wrote: there is a bit of me that wants to switch off being submissive while we're looking at houses, have an equal say and then go back to being submissive again. There's no reason you can't do exactly that, you know, if it works for both of you. I'm going to do my absolute best not to take over, and I'm going to tell my partner that he has final say. I don't see any absolute need for you to do these things, unless Will tells you he wants them (at which time it becomes 100% his job to handle things so that you feel you *can* do them). I say, speak up, make your voice heard and try to overcome a fear of sounding unsubmissive. This is an important decision both of you will have to live with and if he has good reasons for disagreeing with you, I bet he can explain them to you and I bet you can come to a mutually acceptable decision. Being submissive doesn't equal being passive, remember. If you have known issues with bulldozing over partners in important decisions then work on that, sure, and make an effort (as I'm sure you always do) to be respectful and considerate of Will. But it was a big mistake for me, at least, to hurry into deferring to Mr L in areas where he did not ask me to defer. Our D/s went much more smoothly when I began being consciously aware of these impulses and ruthlessly squashing them, concentrating my submissive instincts in areas where he specifically told me he wanted obedience and deferral. Being the submissive partner in a relationship isn't about exercising willpower to keep yourself in line with the ideal of how YOU think you should behave, that isn't submitting to anyone but yourself. Focus on Will. Focus where he tells you to submit, and don't worry about the rest of it yet. Krista ... the ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart, not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good. 30 Jan 09, 5:34 PM Mistress_Tiara 5 yrs Funnily enough we moved into our house together exactly a year ago today - I feel quite sentimental all of a sudden... For the house buying process we looked together and when my boy *really* disliked something I ruled it out - I saw no point in choosing a house he hated. That was just common sense to me (the only one I really liked that he didn't was impractical with his back as it was a town house on three floors - I see prcticality and liveability as a major concern). If he had a preference I also listened to that & tried to accomodate it where possible. For example; he really wanted a garage for practical reasons, & to not live on a busy road as an overall preference. I picked a house on a very quiet road but he didn't get his garage. I did buy him a self assembly motorbike shed instead though. Practical issue sorted. In the end I fully chose the house we would buy, rang & told him I'd picked it & that I was putting an offer in of the amount I'd decided & what the maximum I'd go up to was. He was really shocked I'd picked the house I did as he thought initially I didn't like it, so he had not taken much notice on the viewing or thought much about it. Being me though, I'd laterally assessed it as the best option by far (I was right). he therefore had very little sense of what the house was like. I then rang him back to say I'd got it (at my prefered price obviously - I'm difficult to argue with And that was that. We'd bought a house. I'm glad he likes the house. I wanted the best house for all of us & I think I picked the right one. I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with you expressing your preference if Will's cool with that. He would probably want to know you're happy where you're going to live after all. Happy House Hunting 'If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these together ought to be able to turn it back and get it right side up again'. Sojourner Truth. 30 Jan 09, 5:54 PM PuppyClaire UK, 3 yrs Thank You, I needed to hear that it was ok for me to have an opinion, and I am going to do my best to let Will take the lead once he knows my thoughts. The list idea was a good one, just to stop me missing things. tijaba wrote: Even in a vanilla relationship, 6 weeks is a very very very short time frame to make a major commitment such as joint home ownership. If I was at this infant stage in a relationship, I would not even consider it. Thank You Tijaba , it was sweet of you to be looking out for my best interests. As Anjuli beat me to saying, I've known Will a lot longer and 8 long months split up seems to have convinced us both not to do that again. Have a nice weekend everyone. Claire