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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "What do you tell friends/family when questioned" 1 2 3 4 What do you tell friends/family when questioned (37) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board (moved from Internal Enslavement). Sun 25 Jan 09, 2:27 PM Oysterspearl US(VA), 3 yrs How do you answer questions to friends and family when they have do idea you are in a Master/slave relationship? Master and i have no desire at the moment to tell our friends and family our lifestyle choice. At this point we are not sure how they would take the news. It is just small things at the moment that i am being questioned about. Master seems to think that i will have the most questions because of His collar i wear 24/7. Example of what i mean.... Master & i went to dinner with family. i was questioned why i didn't order for myself. Master answered that he is being a gentlemen. Then He was asked do i get to decide what i eat, He answered no. Looks were exchanged across the table, but nothing else was said. We don't get together with family together often because our work schedules don't allow it. Concern keeps growing for me of the next time we are all together and what else will we be questioned about. I'm just not sure how to answer. Master says just answer the questions without giving away too much. If anyone can give me some suggestions on how to handle the endless questions of choices we make, i would appreciate it. 25 Jan 09, 2:45 PM property_of_MacCain 3 yrs Generally, as long as family and friends know your happy... that is all they really care about. As long as you don't act like it bothers you that he orders for you, chances are, they will just drop it. Mom asked me about my collar at a huge family meal... i just said it was MacCain's, and she dropped it. If you act like it is no big deal, everyone else will act like it is no big deal. Your family won't want to know some things so there is no need to shove it in thier faces. You can be truthful without scaring family and friends... most questions can be left at: "This is what we do, and it works for us." If anyone pushes for more of an answer, you can always remind them you aren't expecting them to change the way they live for you, and you expect the same courtesy. If your firm that you are happy it will alleviate their fears. Also, if your M allows, when dealing with your family try to answer thier direct questions yourself. It tends to send the signal that you really feel that way if it falls from your own lips. p ~edited for spelling and grammar oversight~~ i breathe because He allows me, indulging Him indulges me. Edited 26 Jan 09, 10:04 AM by property_of_MacCain 25 Jan 09, 2:48 PM SixThreeFive SE, 4 yrs For the "general public", I simply say we live a bit traditionally, that my Owner is in charge and that he decides things. That I like it that way, that we're happy. It's really all most people care to know. Smile, it confuses people. 25 Jan 09, 9:51 PM Oysterspearl US(VA), 3 yrs property_of_MacCain wrote: Generally, as long as family and friends know your happy... that is all they really care about. As long as you don't act like it bothers you that he orders for you, chances are, they will just drop it. Thank you for your advice. Yes i am very happy and our family and friends have noticed a change. My mom is the one who questioned Master during our family dinner. The next day she called and asked what is going on between us. I just stated that i'm the happiest i have been in a long time and to please just accept that. She has yet to bring it up again, but then again Master and i haven't been around her. As far as me answering the questions directly is a good idea. As long as everyone see i'm ok with they way i live will also help. Thanks again, you have helped. 26 Jan 09, 1:11 AM Morniel US, 3 yrs My *gut response* to nosy questions like that, from anyone, is a raised eyebrow and a "WTF do you care?" But honestly, questions of that nature irritate me, because I look at it like this -- If I want you (generic "you") to know the intimate details of my marriage, then I'll tell you, so don't pretend that a blood relationship to me means that you can pry! Obviously, that's not quite courteous. So generally, I simply say, "We have a rather traditional marriage". Then the nosy person can put whatever interpretation on that they want. At that point I stop talking, and refuse to answer other questions, but you could, if you liked, say something like, "I enjoy taking care of the house, and he enjoys the challenge of the corporate world" or "I really love my job, and he's great with our kids" or whichever way it applies to your relationship. Morniel's Special Place 26 Jan 09, 2:08 AM Master_Odin US(KS), 3 yrs Oysterspearl wrote: What do you tell friends/family when questioned How do you answer questions to friends and family when they have do idea you are in a Master/slave relationship? Master and i have no desire at the moment to tell our friends and family our lifestyle choice. At this point we are not sure how they would take the news. It is just small things at the moment that i am being questioned about. Master seems to think that i will have the most questions because of His collar i wear 24/7. Example of what i mean.... Master & i went to dinner with family. i was questioned why i didn't order for myself. Master answered that he is being a gentlemen. Then He was asked do i get to decide what i eat, He answered no. Looks were exchanged across the table, but nothing else was said. We don't get together with family together often because our work schedules don't allow it. Concern keeps growing for me of the next time we are all together and what else will we be questioned about. I'm just not sure how to answer. Master says just answer the questions without giving away too much. If anyone can give me some suggestions on how to handle the endless questions of choices we make, i would appreciate it. While W/we have had a lot of success in these situations, I am not sure sharing them in written form will get them across well. (I wish I were a better writer) I am known for being glib and quick to crack a joke. I tend to enjoy verbal sparing in certain circumstances. Most of these situations can be dealt with by humor and misdirection. I also use the technique of extreme absurdity often. (For instance, when asked why I was going to be gone from work, I explained that I was flying to Rome to have lunch with Sophia Loren……) There is also the technique of telling “the truth” in such a way that folks don't really know if they should take it seriously or not. In the above situation, if her mother asked if nebulina got to decide what to eat, instead of answering 'no', I would have said something like, “I know what pleases her”. Had there been any further inquiries nebulina would have chimed in with something like, “yes it is scary how much attention he pays me….” in support. Mutual support is what makes this work. In the past, when comments about how we treat each other come up, I have come right out and said (deadpan serious), “Well she *is* my slave, I put a collar on her, lead her around on a leash, tie her up and beat her till she loves me more…..” to which nebulina will say in her best deadpan Stepford Wife voice, “Oh baby, oh baby ….oh …(tick) …oh …(tick) ….oh ….”. We both laugh and look at each other. Most of our family think we are nuts, but they can see that we are happy and usually let it go. (Hope this makes some kind of sense) Selah There is no authority, only responsibility. 26 Jan 09, 8:04 AM EvaMaria US(CA), 3 yrs I think it's a question of reaping what you sow. If you behave in an unusual way, particularly in regard to something as important as your primary relationship, those close to you will notice and be curious. If your behaviour is such that might indicate some danger to you, their concern will be natural. In most cases obfuscation or making light of their curiosity and concern will prevent any meaningful dialogue. This gives a benefit of avoiding discomfort and the possibility of conflict. I think it's natural to want those things, but this method has its negative effects, namely refusing to acknowledge their need for information and/or invalidating their intelligence or concern. It effectively says that you don't trust them to handle the information appropriately and makes a subtle demand for them to behave as if they don't see what they do. I do know this sort of thing is common to many families. But it also accounts for the same amount of tension, mistrust and hard feelings. And when it's backed by precedence, the habitual expectation makes it doubly difficult to do otherwise. Still, the nature of any personal relationship is defined by mutual honesty and respect. An investment of these will not necessarily be returned in kind, but the lack of same nearly always will. Camille 26 Jan 09, 9:32 AM Mistress_Tiara 5 yrs Oysterspearl wrote: What do you tell friends/family when questioned How do you answer questions to friends and family when they have do idea you are in a Master/slave relationship? Master and i have no desire at the moment to tell our friends and family our lifestyle choice. At this point we are not sure how they would take the news. It is just small things at the moment that i am being questioned about. Master seems to think that i will have the most questions because of His collar i wear 24/7. Example of what i mean.... Master & i went to dinner with family. i was questioned why i didn't order for myself. Master answered that he is being a gentlemen. Then He was asked do i get to decide what i eat, He answered no. Looks were exchanged across the table, but nothing else was said. We don't get together with family together often because our work schedules don't allow it. Concern keeps growing for me of the next time we are all together and what else will we be questioned about. I'm just not sure how to answer. Master says just answer the questions without giving away too much. If anyone can give me some suggestions on how to handle the endless questions of choices we make, i would appreciate it. So far we have found that in reality most people don't directly ask. We are not usually overt in any way in our public behaviour as I don't like to make other people uncomfortable. None the less many people pick up on our dynamic either by observing the subtle nuances, or by seeing his tattoo or collar (sidenote as there are regular posts about collars: if it doesn't have a padlock it will get far far less attention). Once they have noticed if they remain friendly and positive we sometimes address the matter via n making a joke, as we find this signals to people 'yes, you got that right; I'm owned & we know you know and everything is fine'. Most people never enquire any further. Some of our closer friends know but they still don't often outright ask questions, but we enjoy the odd quip (my gay friends take particular delight in referencing n's slavery like this). My older daughter knows to some extent although it is not discussed in any detail. So far we have never seen n's family so that hasn't come up yet. I will judge how to handle that when the time comes. 'If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these together ought to be able to turn it back and get it right side up again'. Sojourner Truth. Edited 10 Feb 09, 9:56 PM by Mistress_Tiara 26 Jan 09, 11:59 AM property_of_MacCain 3 yrs Master Odin makes a very good point that the use of humor goes along way. MacCain talks to his coworkers about some things that they think he is kidding about, but in reality are true. When they make comments that "his girl" (me) must not like things, he is quick to say i don't have a say, because after all i am his slave. The guys laugh, because they think he is kidding. Actually, it is a fairly typical human response to think anything that would make you uncomfortable, would make others uncomfortable as well. There are things people refuse to let themselves believe not matter how honest you are. i don't ever hide what i am, i give straight answers to direct questions. Mostly people think that M/s is a bedroom thing, though, and don't even have a clue that it can be a 24/7 thing. i don't think it is my job to educate people who are happy not knowing. i don't ask nosey questions about other peoples dynamics, and i'm sure you'll find most vanilla people don't either. p i breathe because He allows me, indulging Him indulges me. 26 Jan 09, 2:07 PM goreankajira US(OH), 4 yrs Y! When they make comments that "his girl" (me) must not like things, he is quick to say i don't have a say, because after all i am his slave. The guys laugh, because they think he is kidding. p [/quote] Master has done/ said those type of things about me. On our family vacation this year he told his Aunt that i was his slave. i was sitting right there and she just went on like he must have been joking about it. i cant say we really get questioned on this much. However one of our friends that has no idea about our lifestyle once said to him that if we were visiting and she wanted me to go somewhere with her that i should just TELL him that i was going to go. After we left that night Him and i talked about this and laughed about it knowing that i would never handle a situation like that in that way. Outside the home most people just think that i like to spoil him by doing things for him, for the most part we dont get questioned on it, if questioned i just reply that i like doing things for him and leave it at that. and as far as him making decisions for me i cant really think of an example but if ever questioned on it i'm sure i would just reply that we like things how they are and are happy with our life and leave it at that. 26 Jan 09, 8:43 PM little_linnet US, 6 yrs If someone asked intrusive questions about things that were none of their business (like "why does he order for you") I would probably point out that they're being rude. But then I do this often. "Wow, that was rude" is a well-polished phrase in my arsenal. Edited to add: "Because I want to" is also a great phase to have handy, as a submissive. Say it with a big fuck-you smile and if they press further, say it again. Krista ... the ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart, not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good. Edited 26 Jan 09, 8:44 PM by little_linnet Next page