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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Should a Master put his slave first" 1 2 3 4 5 6 Should a Master put his slave first (51) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. 16 Dec 08, 1:53 AM Damsel US, 3 yrs well...I don't think a slave should come first but however a slave should not be neglected or anything like that. It's a kind of a hard thing to really talk about. As a slave you are in the position where you may not come first but whether or not you should is not your say it's the masters say. My master is kind to me and sometimes I do come first but his pleasure is always first. 16 Dec 08, 12:29 PM Mistress_Tiara 5 yrs Belovedalexandra wrote: no i COMPLETELY agree that the slave should come first, in fact i think it's an extremely manipulative and hurtful thing for a "master" to say to his slave that all he has is his work! I agree that to say all an Owner has is their work may be hurtful. I do not however think that saying one's work is their priority is necessarily a 'manipulative' or nasty thing. Perhaps the Owner's work is very important work. Perhaps this has always been understood as the order of priority. Perhaps their work needs to be their priority for a set period. I realise that this will be a controversial point to many but I do not believe prioritisng work is necessarily bad. I would also add that most LDR's seem in hard terms to accept this as an understood assertion. Belovedalexandra wrote: Shouldn't she or he be the master's other half? I don't believe a slave has to necessarily be their Owner's 'other half', no. This applies whether you mean this in the colloquial term meaning partner, or if you mean it as a genuine reflection of a feeling of completeness. Some slaves are not their Owners partners, and I dont think any Owner should need their slave to complete them. This doesn't mean there is any prohibition on love. I do not think anyone looking for someone else to complete them is really in a position to own someone. I can't see how TPE could work in such a state, or how enslavement would occur. I feel this would be more of an egalitarian highly co-dependant relationship (which I can see could be very intense, and with kink and/ or ritual thrown in could resemble and feel in some ways like M/s). I do think it would be different dynamic though. Belovedalexandra wrote: i would be terribly hurt and feel insecure and worthless if my "master" said this to me! I suspect you are not alone there. If you have found what makes you happy that's what matters and I hope you are. I do not think anyone should feel 'worthless' on the merit of not being their Owner's priority however. Welcome to the board btw. Please Do Not Feed The Trolls. It's the best way to get our board back on track. Edited 16 Dec 08, 12:48 PM by Mistress_Tiara 17 Dec 08, 5:43 PM Massimo US(RI), 4 yrs Personally I put my girl first pretty often because she and I both know that whatever I decide has no effect on the dynamic of the relationship. The couple of times she has tried to top from the bottom I have put her in her place, but that almost never happens. Any decision I make always comes down to what is best for the both of us, so of course she gets put first quite a bit. She knows that if she doesn't get put first, there is a good reason. As for work, I obviously put her first. The way I see it is that loved ones are much more important than any job I may have, so I would never chose work over my girl. Hell I have no problem telling my boss to screw off because any decent employer knows that family comes first. I work at my job because I have to pay bills, that's all. Massimo 17 Dec 08, 10:04 PM Mistress_Tiara 5 yrs Massimo wrote: Personally I put my girl first pretty often because she and I both know that whatever I decide has no effect on the dynamic of the relationship... ...She knows that if she doesn't get put first, there is a good reason. You acknowledge here though that you only put her first 'pretty often' and that sometimes 'she doesn't get put first' if there is a good reason. This is my point. If an Owner decides to not prioritise their slave for what they assess to be a good reason (whatever that may be) then that is perfectly legitimate. It does matter that a slave is well taken care of, it does not necessarily matter if they are their Owner's priority or not. Please do not feed the trolls. It's the best way to get our board back on track. Edited 17 Dec 08, 10:10 PM by Mistress_Tiara 18 Dec 08, 12:03 PM Ms_Valentine UK, 4 yrs 000-577-332 wrote: Should a Master put his slave first The comment i heard was a Master telling his slave whom are 24/7 that "all he has his is work and that's why it comes first". my opinion as a r/l slave is that a slave comes first and foremost. Am i wrong with my opinion? A slave is a human being, made of flesh and blood and feelings. The D/O/M may work on the responses of the slave so they lose inappropriate pride, ego and align themselves obediently with the needs of their owner. This may address the issue of a slave wanting to be put first. They may come to realise it is not the way their owner wishes to have their lives organised and will adapt. If they don't adapt, then ultimately they will be very unhappy. What does putting someone first mean? Certainly in the case of a slave or 24/7 sub it should not mean their wants come before the M-types. However, as they are of flesh and blood, sometimes their 'needs' may be put before their m-types less crucial 'wants'. If they are hungry, cold, ill, exhausted, then it would make sense their needs must be met as doing otherwise may cause harm to the slave. A slave even if hungry or tired should serve the needs of their m-type first if they are equally hungry and tired as that makes sense in terms of the M/s dynamic. Should the slave come in importance before the Master/Mistress work? Well, is the work crucial to their joint survival? If it is then maybe the slave must know that the work is a need of the Master/Mistress and should generally be placed higher as it supports them both an without it, Master may not be able to have the slave around. Our M/s and D/s relationships are so various that what seems perfectly right in one will be all wrong in another. On a personal level, if I were in that Master's service, I might feel a bit diminished to learn that he felt ALL he had was his work and therefore I was of negligible worth to him. Controversial views of Ms_Valentine. No 1. Slaves submit no more deeply than subs can do. No 2. Terms such as a 'sub' or a 'slave' describe a state of being, not a level of submission, importance or place in a hierarchy. 3. Submission?.. no limits necessary. 18 Dec 08, 4:26 PM Mistress_Tiaras_boy 5 yrs As property i take whatever priority Mistress decides at any given time. That could be anywhere on the scale from zero to 100 %. i certainly do not expect nor would i have a desire to be Her priority for all or the majority of the time. i am a person who does not need to be given constant attention in order to feel loved/valued/needed etc. i know i am valued and loved, that is enough for me. If it pleases or is necessary for Mistress to have other priorities then i am happy. She is free to pursue them without having to worry about me. i am big and ugly enough to be able to look after myself. i can understand why someone might feel upset by the sentiment of not being as important as work or work being the only important thing in someones life. If someone said that to me i would i am sure feel hurt by it. That would seem a natural reaction. Unfortunately, i must confess, that for many years prior to being owned i considered my work to be more important than anything else. There were a number of reasons for this, some justifiable but most were not. i had a career, if i did not go to work it could have potentially jeopardised other peoples lives. i put this above relationships and it had consequences. i also enjoyed work, i felt comfortable and safe with it. Relationships came and went but my career was always there. i knew the risks of putting work first but still took them. Making a choice between a potential day of discord at home or going to work and helping people during emergency situations was easy. As i progressed through my career i gave less and less consideration to my own relationship needs or those close to me. So i can totally understand why someone can or does place work so highly, the call of service, wealth, fame, lifestyle etc can be strong motivators. Many people would find this difficult to understand and this is to be expected. Whilst such behaviour might seem contradictory, i do believe it is possible to have a career and not destroy a relationship. i reaped what i sowed, but then in other aspects i reaped where i had not sown. Since enforced retirement due to a career injury my life changed totally. Even if it hadn't i can not imagine Mistress putting up with the 'old' me. i do think that before entering into any type of relationship people should consider deeply what they want and what they can or are prepared to give and take. Many i am sure would argue that i should not have entered relationships with that type of stance and i could not disagree, merely offer excuses and/or the plea that even dedicated people should have someone in their lives. Balance is probably the key, but ensuring both parties fully understand each other is probably the biggest factor to starting out from a sound basis and then carrying it through the relationship. slave 890-712-189 Please keep this site Troll free, please do not feed them, there are other places where their special talents are accepted and/or more appropriate. 18 Dec 08, 7:16 PM little_linnet US, 6 yrs Being put first, as an overarching rule, would make me feel terribly insecure and unhappy. I live as a slave because I *don't* want to run the roost (and that includes behaving "submissively" while knowing that I have a guarantee I'll come first every time). I know, and need to know, that my needs will be met. Other than that it's a vital part of being owned to know that I will be fit into Mr L's map of priorities as he feels best. ETA: As Ms. V points out, this was not a mindset that I arrived at overnight. For one thing, it took careful work on Mr L's part to consistently demonstrate that my needs would be met as his property, and to reinforce that submitting to his priorities is the desired and rewarded thing. At one time I would definitely have freaked out at the suggestion that I wouldn't or shouldn't come first. Krista The majority here come here because it is a place to exchange ideas, not to release fluids. Edited 18 Dec 08, 7:18 PM by little_linnet 18 Dec 08, 8:35 PM masterLOKI US(MA), 3 yrs Y! A slave is a object. It is most precious and important, but the object dose not come first. The personal growth of a Master comes first. A Master who successfully owns and cares for such an object must be adhering to some kind of code or way of life that enables the Master do so. Anything that is put before that code will be lost in the end. I believe not everyone who wants to be a Master can be one. The previous wonderful comments are examples enough to prove this fact. A Master is faced with Physical, Financial, Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual challenges. Any and all successful Masters somehow find a way or develop a method to meet these real aspects of a M/s life. And with life always changing, so do the challenges. This lead me to believe that My responsibilities as a Master is always changing and growing, and my practice for growth must be ever evolving. Personally for me, My Code in which I hold myself accountable to must come before anyone or anything. If my priorities change, and something else is put first, the world will not end instantly, and I will not become a horrible abusive prick. However I will not grow. And the trust is simply this: The Master I was last year will not be able to care for the slave of today. Cheers, LOKI Edited 18 Dec 08, 8:37 PM by masterLOKI 18 Dec 08, 9:25 PM little_linnet US, 6 yrs masterLOKI wrote: A slave is a object. Uh yeah ... no. This is just not true, no matter how sticky it gets anyone's pants. Objects do not have the needs slaves have. Krista The majority here come here because it is a place to exchange ideas, not to release fluids. 18 Dec 08, 10:59 PM Mistress_Tiara 5 yrs little_linnet wrote: I know, and need to know, that my needs will be met. Other than that it's a vital part of being owned to know that I will be fit into Mr L's map of priorities as he feels best. That's exactly what I meant. The security of knowing needs will be met is not the same thing as knowing you will come first. It's a different continuum. Yo Ho Ho! Seasons Greetings to everyone, however or whatever you celebrate. Next page