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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "slave dilema...." 1 2 slave dilema.... (16) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Thu 4 Dec 08, 4:43 PM Masterspetdarkrose US(MN), 3 yrs ok i am on here to learn and expand my mind... Master wants me to get information from others about how to deal with different things. i have been out of the scene for quite ahwile and my last Mistress, before i met and married my Master didn't train me very well. Master says i need to train harder but he's a little new to the scene and asked for me to see what others thought of this issue... how can i better train when Master is currently living away from me for reasons we can't control ? Master is moving me up there as soon as we can afford to but he wishes me to get training tips from other Dom's and slaves. any ideas for my naughty behavior that Master would need to know to better train me ? 4 Dec 08, 5:30 PM 902-660-194 US(PA), 6 yrs he should train you for what "he" wants,, not to just copy what works for others i think. i also think it would be easier to do this once you both live in the same house. i am confused tho on how you are married but live in two different places. anyways.. good luck with it & maybe things will come to mind once he has you in physical contact daily ~peace the sting of His whip~ the welts from His crop~ the warmth of His kiss~ the click of the lock~ assures me i am His most cherished possession.. ~touching my soul in all the wrong places~ 4 Dec 08, 6:37 PM 655-147-966 US(IL), 4 yrs Y! Masterspetdarkrose wrote: slave dilema.... ok i am on here to learn and expand my mind... Master wants me to get information from others about how to deal with different things. i have been out of the scene for quite ahwile and my last Mistress, before i met and married my Master didn't train me very well. Master says i need to train harder but he's a little new to the scene and asked for me to see what others thought of this issue... how can i better train when Master is currently living away from me for reasons we can't control ? Master is moving me up there as soon as we can afford to but he wishes me to get training tips from other Dom's and slaves. any ideas for my naughty behavior that Master would need to know to better train me ? every Master is different just like every slave is different and so is the M/s relationship..what works for one couple may or may not work for another and what work for one Master with one of his slaves may or may not work with that same Master and a different slave or even vice versa... this slave would suggest that maybe a way for you to better train while your Master is living away from you is have him give you tasks to do during the day with deadlines for them to be done in and consequences for not meeting the deadline..another way for you to train would be to go online and educated yourself on protocals,etiquette and other things in the lifestyle.. as far as any ideas for you naughty behavior your Master would have to find out what works for you in correcting your naughty behavior that he does not like... please feel free to contact this slave if you would like to chat or anything this slaves Master makes her laugh, cry, and smile..she is very happy to say that she is the owned property and devoted slave of MASTERKAM/SIRK this slave posts and emails with her Masters' permission. Master reads all postings and emails. 5 Dec 08, 3:01 AM masterfiremaam US(WV), 5 yrs Trained for WHAT? If he hasn't specified, the order isn't very helpful, useful and it likely to return unsatisfactory results. Ask for clarification. Master Fire **The power of who we are can be intoxicating.** **The power of who we could be is humbling.** **Yet, we are assured we are exactly as we should be.** 5 Dec 08, 3:42 AM little_linnet US, 6 yrs Yup, there is no board of standards certification for submissives that you can study and apply for on your own. I can't imagine what he's thinking instructing you to go off and "train" on your own. It's a meaningless instruction without further elaboration. If he wants you trained, he has to train you, or at least specify what courses of study he'd like you to apply your energies to while you're apart. Krista It's like trying to correct the math of somebody adding two and three when they're working under the notion that two means six and three means paprika. 5 Dec 08, 4:26 AM 373-468-022 US(WA), 3 yrs Y! Masterspetdarkrose wrote: slave dilema.... any ideas for my naughty behavior that Master would need to know to better train me ? Perhaps you Master should find a mentor? Or talk to other Masters somehow if possible. i always have problems with a sub/slave "training" her/his Master. To me it seems the roles would get very messed up, and you can chose what you want to share with him if you alone are doing research. A blatent form of "topping from the bottom". i understand your intentions are good, and you are only doing as your Master instructed. i also think it may be best for him to find books, join a group as someone mentioned, or read some of the Dominant threads here, or on other sites for that matter. Good Luck, i hope things work out as you wish. MGs slave "It's the submissives that show to others what type of Dom owns them." - Anonymous "If you want to kiss the sky, better learn how to kneel." Mysterious Ways- U2 5 Dec 08, 8:47 AM Ms_Valentine UK, 4 yrs I think the onus here lies with your Master. He is the one who will train you and he will presumably want to train you to the ways, method and standards he wants. If you will forgive me, it sounds just the tiniest bit lazy on his part to be getting you involved with how you should be trained. Owning a slave is not an easy thing and it requires hard work and effort on the part of the Master/Mistress to set the standards and rules. Adopting another persons ideas is not going to work long term. Although there are huge amounts of stuff to read on the jolly old interweb thingy, ultimately having trawled through it all, made notes, laughed, snorted in disbelief and sometimes been impressed and amazed, the Master has to create his own set of training standards. If they are not his own, with his own heart in them, they will always be shallow impersonations. If had him before me, I would just ask him what it is he wants of a slave. What behaviours he likes or dislikes and then start the training programme based on that. it is an ongoing lifelong process. It is never complete and needs regular adjustment, tweaking and polishing up. No slave is ever perfect as they are humans so a comitted Master has a lifetime of happy training ahead of him. Controversial views of Ms_Valentine. No 1. Slaves submit no more deeply than subs can do. No 2. Terms such as a 'sub' or a 'slave' describe a state of being, not a level of submission, importance or place in a hierarchy. 3. Submission?.. no limits necessary. 5 Dec 08, 10:50 AM anjuli UK, 4 yrs Masterspetdarkrose wrote: slave dilema.... ok i am on here to learn and expand my mind... Master wants me to get information from others about how to deal with different things. i have been out of the scene for quite ahwile and my last Mistress, before i met and married my Master didn't train me very well. Master says i need to train harder but he's a little new to the scene and asked for me to see what others thought of this issue... how can i better train when Master is currently living away from me for reasons we can't control ? Master is moving me up there as soon as we can afford to but he wishes me to get training tips from other Dom's and slaves. any ideas for my naughty behavior that Master would need to know to better train me ? Hi darkrose As you can see, there's a consensus on 'it's your master that has to do the training' and 'there's no training programme you can follow'. But he's new and you're following his instructions so here's what I can think of that's constructive to you. Yes you can learn on here... by reading and listening to others and how they deal with their problems and day to day living issues. There is an LDR board as well as live-in ones. You can also share with him the links to Tanos's site and he can read all the essays on M/s that you will find there. And he needs to read here also and pull what is useful and feels right to him from the way other dominants work or join in and ask for specific advice for specific issues. What no-one can do is tell him how to be dominant or how to master you. He either is or isn't and if he is, he will have some ideas of what he wants from you. To train you is a lot more practical and prosaic than it seems. There's no magic formula, no one true way. He talks to you, tells you what it is that pleases him, what he wants from you and then keeps on repeating it, with appropriate measures of praise and indications of his disappointment, until you get it. Of course there are punishments for bad behaviour. But actually, those of us in real life 24/7 M/s relationships tend not to rely on them. The first step for your 'naughty behaviour' is for you to toe the line and behave. That's the single biggest answer to that one. Until you want to be good for him, you won't. And if you want to go on misbehaving and he punishes you for it... because it gets you attention and strong control... the whole thing is a lost cause. He needs to work out what's going on in your head, how you tick, what motivates you and decide on the 'intervene or ignore' type punishments to suit. And the only way he can know your mind is to be with you and get inside of it by watching, talking, digging, demanding and analysing. No amount of reading/training or whatever is going to replace that and it's going to take time and patience and commitment from you both. My own advice, if you have to wait a little while until you can be together properly, is to do just that... wait. I had a period of six months after being collared prior to moving in with J when I was in Canada. J is experienced but even he took the view that aside from basic contacts and standards, real control had to wait until I was with him. I think as your M is new, controlling you at distance is going to be near impossible and probably intensely frustrating for both of you. Share the time by reading, talking and thinking about how you want things to be. Your job is to give him everything that's in your mind... all your thought processes and feelings... desires and fantasies... so that he has material to work with. And you have to realise now, that when he's not there, you can behave as badly as you like and he cannot stop you. He can beat you senseless when he sees you but it won't change the fact that you CHOSE to behave badly and you will feel guilty for spoiling the time you do have together by disappointing him. You have every reason to begin today to be his slave, to move yourself closer to where he wants you, to think of him, to do the best you can in his absence. You'll feel a whole lot better about yourself and a lot less frustrated if you can. The longing for control won't go away when he's right there either... that I can tell you from experience... so learn to live with it. Acting out will only make you feel shitty and childish and selfish. Tell him when it's driving you insane and talk it out together. The best is yet to come and you have your whole lives ahead of you... you've found your one and so you're one huge step ahead of lots of others out there... be happy. anjuli ~~~ “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” - Anais Nin ~~~ Edited 5 Dec 08, 10:57 AM by anjuli 6 Dec 08, 11:18 PM 662-935-655 5 yrs i concur with what others have said that said i'd suggest some reading matter - mostly for Him. As there are some good books on there - and i think Y/you can buy them on here. SM 101 and Dungeon Emergencies and Supplies both by Jay Wiseman are esp. good if S & m are part of your M & s - the latter being almost essential, i'd say to a new Dom/Owner, esp if S/He doesn't have a mentor or attended seminars, demos, etc. The Loving Dominant by John Warren is said to be good too, as is a book something like F*** the Roses, give me the Thorns, by i can't remember who. (Or something like that title) etc. But a mentor or hands-on classes/seminars/demos locally are the best, most of which Y/you should both attend together if possible, although some are just for the Dom/Owner or just for the slave/sub. Look for local resources, if possible first. If your are learning just from books and there is any Bondage or S & m involved, i'd definitely want the Dungeon Emergencies and Supplies book - as well as the suggested supplies for any activity - near at hand. As well as a phone for 911 calls and safewords as strong guidelines, although usually not definite limits in M/s relationships, for a new Owner, i think they might be needed. i think the 3 keys are the 3 c's - no not the ones from Al-Anon (GRIN) - but communication, commitment and common sense. i too question the slave training the Master on how to be the Owner - it's a bit too close to bottoming from the top for my taste, nor would it have been in my late Master's case. W/we also had fun with Hypnosis, as He was a licensed hypnotherapist and a book He found and reccomended on this was "Look into my eyes, how to use Hypnosis to Bring Out the Best in Your Sex Life" by Peter Masters. But if a person is under the influence of alcohol or a mood altering drug, social or prescribed - or has mental health challenges or a history of abuse, Hypnosis probably should not be done by a lay person and definitely not online or by phone. Nor should it be used on any fragile or vulnerable person. IF IN ANY DOUBT, DON'T! - A N Y!!!!!!!!!!! N.B. you will probably not realize it if you are hypnotized as you are fully aware of everything going on around you and remember it in most cases and you can't be forced to do anything you wouldn't normally do in a hypnotic state. That's why stage hypnotists hypnotize the whole audience before picking those to cluck like chickens or whatever - they can see the ones who are most susceptible to hypnotic suggestion as well as those who are the people-pleasers and likely to obey said clucking like suggestions, etc. j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! alias "granny" matrika ye olde crone, blessed be! Edited 6 Dec 08, 11:27 PM by 662-935-655 7 Dec 08, 1:20 AM 373-468-022 US(WA), 3 yrs Y! 662-935-655 wrote: i concur with what others have said that said i'd suggest some reading matter - mostly for Him. As there are some good books on there - and i think Y/you can buy them on here. SM 101 and Dungeon Emergencies and Supplies both by Jay Wiseman are esp. good if S & m are part of your M & s - the latter being almost essential, i'd say to a new Dom/Owner, esp if S/He doesn't have a mentor or attended seminars, demos, etc. The Loving Dominant by John Warren is said to be good too, as is a book something like F*** the Roses, give me the Thorns, by i can't remember who. "Screw the Roses, Give me the Thorns", real closeIt is written by Philip Miller (Author), Molly Devon (Author). To many that is the bible of anything BDSM. MGs slave "It's the submissives that show to others what type of Dom owns them." - Anonymous "If you want to kiss the sky, better learn how to kneel." Mysterious Ways- U2 8 Dec 08, 10:43 PM Masterspetdarkrose US(MN), 3 yrs Master and I have been doing ok, but He ordered me to gather ideas that may Help Him form His own methods. As i have said He is relatively knew to BDSM and D/s. Are there any thoughts as to how i can better serve him in this Ms Valentine and Masterfiremaam? And Master also has asked me to find titles of books He could buy about the scene... Thank you everyone for helping everyone! What's the link for Tanos's site ? Edited 8 Dec 08, 11:00 PM by Masterspetdarkrose Next page