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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Confused" Confused (10) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Thu 4 Dec 08, 2:15 AM Alissa 3 yrs my Master and I are separated by distance right now (I am at college and he is at home)and recently I have been acting badly. I love my Master, and only want to be good, but I am having a hard time. I keep starting arguments and refusing to listen, even though he is right. I snap at him when he orders me to eat or work out or study, and blow him off when he wants to...do things over the phone. The problem arising is that I don't want to be this way. It makes me feel so guilty and then angry and then guilty for being angry. I want Master to be happy and for me to be good, but I cant figure out how to stop being like this. In a couple of weeks I will fly home to Master, and I know I need to be punished by Master. But I also need advice on what I can do to correct myself, or what He and I can both do. 4 Dec 08, 6:34 AM Bella_Ragazza US(RI), 5 yrs It seems to me that you are home sick, I tend to be over emotional and frustrate easily when away from Master. Maybe you could be subconsciously angry with him for not being there and having the control over you that you feel you need. Also college is very stressful and you could just be taking your stress out on him. This all probably doesn't make sense but sometimes we act in strange whys when we feel a lack of control. I may be wrong, but that is all I can make of it. Hope I helped some. Bella 4 Dec 08, 6:51 AM 662-935-655 5 yrs Alissa wrote: Confused my Master and I are separated by distance right now (I am at college and he is at home)and recently I have been acting badly. I love my Master, and only want to be good, but I am having a hard time. I keep starting arguments and refusing to listen, even though he is right. I snap at him when he orders me to eat or work out or study, and blow him off when he wants to...do things over the phone. The problem arising is that I don't want to be this way. It makes me feel so guilty and then angry and then guilty for being angry. I want Master to be happy and for me to be good, but I cant figure out how to stop being like this. In a couple of weeks I will fly home to Master, and I know I need to be punished by Master. But I also need advice on what I can do to correct myself, or what He and I can both do. as most F/folks know i lost my Master to death a bit over a year ago - and so i would say, keep it in perspective, first things first, and to remember before acting out How important is this in the scheme of things - it sounds like to me you may be feeling a little insecure because of the instability in your LD situation and perhaps because you are new to all this. Be patient with yourself, your Master is not through with you yet - and diamonds are just carbon until the pressure of milleniums is applied. Many people in Paganism or the "New Age" movement buy tumbled stones for this or that purpose. But these lovely stones don't look that way before going into a tumbler - which the type amateurs use to do this tumbles the stones incessantly against each other for days or even weeks. In the same way your Master/Owner will rub out your rough spots if You let Him/Her and S/He is good at what That One does. Again, Nobody says that it will be easy, or quickk - just that it would be worth it - and the joy is in the journey, bloom where you're planted, etc. i know these are all quotes and cliches, but i also know from experience that they are all TRUE! j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! alias "granny" matrika ye olde crone, blessed be! 4 Dec 08, 12:42 PM property_of_MacCain 3 yrs i can't even begin to image how utterly frustrating it would be to go from real time to an LDR. It could send even the most focused and devoted among us into a head trip. That, compiled with the stresses of higher learning... well, i can't even fathom. Of course your dynamic is hitting bumps. i'd actually be more surprised if you said you were finding the transition easy. Maybe your Master would be willing to advise some little "rituals" to help you get into the head space you need to be in, during these times of absence. Even something so simple as lighting a candle 5 minutes before your going to talk to him and just focusing on the light of the candle, might make the transition from student mode to submissive mode easier. You know, just give you a moment to decompress prior to hearing his voice. Sometimes i think there should be special support groups for s-types that have to be away from thier Masters. Oh, i'd also like to suggest you post this on the LDR board also, as those folks might have insight about the day to day stuff that could be used as coping methods. And of course, COMMUNICATION! He can't help if he doesn't know your hurting. Let him know your frustrated and you need help right now... maybe start a journal if he thinks it would help keep you connected. Good luck! p Please Do Not Feed The Trolls. It's the best way to get our board back on track. 4 Dec 08, 9:55 PM Sklavos_mou_Kyriah 3 yrs property_of_MacCain wrote: (snipped) Maybe your Master would be willing to advise some little "rituals" to help you get into the head space you need to be in, during these times of absence. Even something so simple as lighting a candle 5 minutes before your going to talk to him and just focusing on the light of the candle, might make the transition from student mode to submissive mode easier. You know, just give you a moment to decompress prior to hearing his voice. I agree. A little ritual routine is very helpful. I am in an LDR myself and can vouch for it. Perhaps if you devise some method between you and your Master or even create your own. Even in busy lives there are times, even if its only a few moments, when one is entirely alone and can perform some "reminder" act. property_of_MacCain wrote: Sometimes I think there should be special support groups for s-types that have to be away from their Masters. What an excellent idea! To be a true slave is to be truly free Slave/Sklavos 4 Dec 08, 10:18 PM little_linnet US, 6 yrs property_of_MacCain wrote: i'd actually be more surprised if you said you were finding the transition easy. Yeah, what she said! And of course, COMMUNICATION! He can't help if he doesn't know your hurting. And this too. I haven't had to be long distance, thank Gourd, but having had some supremely needy times in my career as a slave I've written my share of nearly incoherent "I just want to be good but everything feels so icky and messed up and I feel so horrible about it and it's all so confusing and awful and hard" letters for Mr L. I think it really helped him understand, to see up front like that how I was experiencing anguish over my inability to handle it gracefully, that it wasn't something I could help and that I was completely out of my depth. He wasn't very experienced at the time and it really gave him insight into the fact that it wasn't willful disobedience or screwing around on my part. Krista It's like trying to correct the math of somebody adding two and three when they're working under the notion that two means six and three means paprika. 6 Dec 08, 1:34 PM nutshellsub UK, 3 yrs "But I also need advice on what I can do to correct myself, or what He and I can both do." I am in a LDR and have to set aside 20 minutes every day to perform what we call the Footstool exercise. I kneel on all fours, naked, and spend 20 minutes simply thinking about my relationship with my Dominant and what she means to me and how I can perform better for her. I then write my thoughts up in my Journal for her to see. I have to say that it really helps me sort out in my mind where I might be making mistakes and doing well too and I can then draw these to Her attention. Just a thought. Nutshellsub 25 Feb 09, 7:41 AM 693-874-541 US(CA), 3 yrs I think I know what you are going through, it is common in relationships to "self-destruct" The only advice that I can give you is to go to your Master and ask his forgiveness and take your punishment. Try to keep closer contact with your Master, wear any garments that He/She has given you to make you "feel" them. That is what worked for me at least. 24 Apr 09, 7:12 PM Valuptuus US, 2 yrs I am on the other side of this....I have not even met my slave face to face yet. He is planning on coming to visit me on a "trial" basis for two days as he is a working slave. I have agreed to become his Mistress, however as I stated in "Thanking a slave?" forum....we are both extremely new to this. As a footslave I told him to go buy me high heeled shoes that he is to lick, polish and kiss every night before he goes to bed. He is also to send me an email every morning saying what I have told him to type and is the same every day, but he must type it fresh (not copied)and is to kiss my shoes every morning before he leaves for work. Although he does send the email every morning, I do not know if he is performing the other tasks. I simply have to trust that he is. These things seemed to make him very happy to do, so I would have to agree that giving a slave tasks or duties to perform while away is very healthy for them, but realize that it is difficult on the Master as well. He slips up from time to time by the way he speaks to me and as punishment I tell him to slap himself with my shoes, or lay on his stomach for trampling and reflect on what he has done to displease me.....these are things that he requires and I do my best. Mistress Val I am here for knowledge 27 May 09, 6:50 PM Master_SL CA, 5 yrs Alissa wrote: Confused my Master and I are separated by distance right now (I am at college and he is at home)and recently I have been acting badly. I love my Master, and only want to be good, but I am having a hard time. I keep starting arguments and refusing to listen, even though he is right. I snap at him when he orders me to eat or work out or study, and blow him off when he wants to...do things over the phone. The problem arising is that I don't want to be this way. It makes me feel so guilty and then angry and then guilty for being angry. I want Master to be happy and for me to be good, but I cant figure out how to stop being like this. In a couple of weeks I will fly home to Master, and I know I need to be punished by Master. But I also need advice on what I can do to correct myself, or what He and I can both do. you are choosing the behaviour...just stop as you just began 3 Jun 09, 12:13 AM michelle_slave 2 yrs I just wanted to say thank you for all the imput. I found all of it helpfull and it has given me lots to think on. This slaves Master is over seas and I have been struggling in the same manner.