Wed 3 Dec 08, 4:03 AM
his_slavepet
US(GA), 4 yrs
 Y!
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Okay, so yeah, that's an oxymoron...kinda. I haven't been on here in a long time, and I truly wanted to share with everyone an experience that has left me changed inside. I am forever grateful to the one who owns me because he provides these experiences, sometimes through no effort of his own. After a year and a half under his hand, I am still the misty-eyed, wondering "child" I was when I first donned his collar. Every day I wonder, can I really be this happy? Can this be REAL?
Oh, its not a fairytale, by any means, but my journey has made me love my slaveself more (which I didn't think possible) and made me feel like Master is truly some kind of magical and omnipotent creation.
It will be difficult for me to tell everyone this story and convey the depth of this simple visit and how it opened me up to myself in ways that made me stand in shock and awe. I have prided myself on my slavishness and devotion, on my ability to see myself clearly and self-correct if need be. I have preened and purred under the praising eyes, hands and words of the one who owns me. In the process, I dropped the ball when it most mattered and somehow lost sight of what it meant to be a slave.
I visited Master and was informed, the 2nd day of my visit, that he was having his Pony over and that I was to be her birthday present. He was giving me to her.
I cannot begin to describe my dismay to you. Master is poly and has playmates outside our M/s relationship. Of his playmates, his pony is the least...palatable to me. It is a combination of things. First, I don't like chicks as a general rule. In my experience (being one and having befriended many), we can be catty, conniving, devious, duplicitous, machinating, manipulating, dishonest, disloyal, backstabbing and bitchy...I could go on and on. I have always prided myself on being on top of my "natural female" tendencies and cutting them short if I ever catch myself indulging in any of those things. I believe that we must live our lives kindly and gently to everyone. If I feel I have wronged someone, I will instantly own it and apologize. If I find myself being manipulative, then I will tell the other person, at the cost of my own pride...if it hurts bad enough, you won't do it again (that's my motto).
By the same token, I try to do little kindnesses and to thank people all the time. We build so much negative karma as humans because we take so little time to examine ourselves and our actions...
So, Master's pony. Much about her ruffles my fur. The most prominent being that it has been obvious from day one that she sought Master as her sole "mate." Though she protested mightily and claimed to want to be under his hand, her every word and deed showed that she was resentful of his other playmates...and of me as his slave.
On many occasions, she has interrupted my visits with him with barages of calls, wheedling and cajoling for him to come out to her and be with her for one thing or another. I find this so disrespectful, because I never bother Master when he's entertaining. We have so very little time with him due to our lives. Me most especially, because I'm married, have four children and live 3 hours away. She, on the other hand, lives 10 mins away, is divorced and has a grown son away at boarding school. Of all his playmates, she has the most access to him and ability to be with him...yet she would not leave my visits with him in peace. It drove me nuts, but I suffered in silence. It was not my place to complain.
The few times Master's pony and I have been together, she has pointedly tried to show the "bond" she has with Master by making references that did not include me ("At our age..." "...well, Sir will remember because we were both doing such and such at that age..."). She even began calling him "Horse Master" and "Sir," though she is not his slave, or even his submissive. I just shook my head when she bought herself a collar and left it at Master's house. The first time I saw it, I thought almost angrily, "Pathetic." I couldn't believe Master indulged her in that, but, again it was not my place.
So, yes...I was very...put out that I was to be her gift this visit. I just really wanted Master all to myself. It had been a long two weeks sinc the last visit and a month before that visit. We only have 2-3 days when I come up and to have someone there with us...most especially the pony...*sigh*
Master's actions, however, became like a mirror for me during the visit, showing me where I fell short.
Master's pony has a personality that only a dominant can love. And I mean this in all kindness. She is messy, disrespectful, disregarding of the time and space of others, she is boisterous and negligent and oblivious to the mess she creates in her wake. I spent most of her visit with us cleaning up after her and either fuming, or being slack-jawed with disbelief. Was she doing it on PURPOSE? But no, I knew that wasn't the case as Master had TOLD me about this in his dealings with her. I'd assumed he'd been exaggerating. He'd been underestimating. It was worse.
By the last day of her visit (and mine) with Master, my nerves were worn thin. I hadn't slept because she snored and slammed about in the bed when she turned over (which included much kicking and jerking of the covers) and because I truly felt her energy...well, battling mine. She didn't want me there, her energy clearly said that. I was psychically sore after no more than a few hours with her.What I didn't acknowledge was that I was battling her energy as well.
I began to feel very superior, though. She was so not cut out to be a slave. She would never win Master's collar if she didn't learn to do MUCH better than this. God, she was making me look like perfection!
It wasn't until I started noticing Master that I began to realize the folly of my thinking. He treated his pony with such indulgence and gentleness and firmness. He corrected her only when he truly needed to and, though I could tell he was irritated at times, he did not treat her in such a way as to embarass her in front of me. I began to notice that he was very careful of her feelings (as he knew how she felt about me as his slave). Even when he held her accountable for things she said, he did it in such a way that it didn't directly say that he knew she was taking a dig at me.
My epiphany came when we began to bathe together. Water is a strong conduit for Master and I. Whenever we are in it together, I feel him so strongly inside me that I can't breathe sometimes! I had spent the entire visit cringing inside trying to keep away from the onslaught of his pony. She was really just too much for me, energy-wise. I wanted to either slap her or run away and cry somewhere because she was rubbing my energy so raw.
As we three sank into the tub, however, I had one of my "visions". Not in the sense that you would understand a vision, but its more like how my brain conceptualizes theories and realizations. My mind will often take an emotional revelation or a person or data I've analyzed and give me a visual representation of what I've concluded.
In that moment, in the tub with Master, I saw us three as a circle. And, to my horror, I saw that Master was holding us together at multiple points. I saw it so clearly. Master in the middle with his left point holding me and his right point holding her. Because she and I were not energetically compatible, he was holding her where she should connect to me and forming a bond there as well.
I realized that I was not holding up my end of our energy. And that, contrary to what I'd thought, I was not a superior slave. I was a very poor one indeed. I am his only slave, and, when he takes others, he has indicated that he will likely choose me as alpha.
But how can I be alpha? How can I be a good leader, when I have not truly learned to serve? When this entire visit, I allowed Master to carry the energy burden of keeping us as a triad? When I ADDED to the burden by retreating mentally and psychically from the connect?
In that moment, I was humbled and ashamed. I sat up in the tub and began to bathe Master's pony the way I would bathe him. I started with her hair and her head, spending time and energy on submitting to her with all my heart, though she is not a slave and she is not the one who owns me. She is cared for by Master, and therefore cannot be less to me. I took time and care with her hair and then bathed her in my own personal body wash and gave her my lotions and perfume.
When she left, I vowed that when she came back, I would serve her as I would a dominant...for many reasons. The first of which is to remind me of my place and that I am not superior to anyone or anything. The second is to demonstrate, by example, how a slave should deport herself.
I drove home much, much later, after a threesome with she and Master and other happenings, and after Master demonstrated the same sensitivity and gentleness with me as he had with her by helping to soothe my rattled nerves with soft, sweet sex. As I was driving, I realized that this had to have been one of the most profound moments Master has given me outside of my initial collaring. I realize so much now. Most especially how another of his playmates who was a veteran slave from a five year 24/7 live-in situation felt when he took me under his hand.
I understand now that slaves can be snobs, too. We can be superior and stuck up and self-centered and stuck on ourselves. It kind of made me heartsick, because I've always been a pretty humble person...but I allowed my joy and pride in slavery to blind me and build a very unnattractive conceit.
I share this story for other slaves and for myself, because I want to be a humble slave who serves the good of all. And, if I am to be an alpha, then I must never make the mistake of this weekend again. Being alpha doesn't mean that I am superior, it means I am the least thing in Master's household, because all other needs must come first. As alpha, I must serve the needs of all, do what is best for the greater good and deal with competing female energies. I must care for Master's females better than I would myself and I must set an example by word and deed. "You are indeed beautiful, worthy and capable, and you will become even more so, my dear slavepet, under my hand. We will make the trip together." - Master David
Edited Wed 3 Dec 08, 4:29 AM by his_slavepet
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