| Hi again, I just wanted to press home the message that I hope you've had elsewhere. There's no need to feel afraid to post.
Here, as anywhere else, there are people who will condemn those in D/s or M/s relationships that are effectively extra-marital affairs where (as I have to assume is the case for you two the other parties don't know or approve - and I will go ahead on that basis even if I have to apologise later for it). Frankly I think those people are entitled to a view but it's not really ultimately of relevance to you. You know what your situation is... what the circumstances are for the two of you... and why you are where you are right now.
Someone else's idea of what is moral or ethical is not personally relevant to me. I have my own strong sense of ethical behaviour, I reject some people's narrow views of morality and abhor the usurping of the moral high ground that many of the world's major religions indulge in. That's me. I know J has a strong code that he adheres to - it was one of the things I sought in a Master - so I'm happy and don't need anyone else's validation in this area.
There is a point that I think might be more valid and slightly harder to deal with in that many here in 24/7 co-resident M/s relationships will say that you cannot master or enslave someone who is married to another because a slave cannot have divided loyalties or focus... but then there are some who would take that to extremes and say that means a slave cannot work or have children as they necessarily impose on the ability of the master to own all of the slave and her time and focus.
Without taking it to such daft levels, I think there IS a kernel of truth in the idea that an M/s relationship demands utter truthfulness and openness and that's not entirely possible until you have dealt with the secrets and deceptions in your life. But this is a journey... I know, I've been there - not in quite the same way but I have. It means that there is always a barrier - one that you can overcome sometimes and to some extent - but it's always there and it will make itself felt at some point. However that is something you can and should deal with in your own good time with your master.
In addition, I don't deny the strength and intensity of other types of relationship (I have some experience so I know) but have come to believe that IE most certainly does require the 24/7/365 commitment of both of you.
I hope you'll allow and forgive the slightly preachy or lecturing way this sounds (it's so hard to talk about other's personal lives like this and avoid it altogether - suggestions welcome  ) but I think what I'm trying to get at is this...
One - don't seek or accept other's pronouncements on your morals. We'd none of us be practicing M/s or D/s or any bdsm activities if we were truly concerned about acceptance of society's moral strictures and strangers have absolutely NO right to judge or condemn you or you and your master's relationship.
Two - do expect at some point to have to deal with the basic problem that underlies this route tho. There are I think people involved who DO have every right to know and judge your behaviour who are perhaps ignorant and innocent in it all and you risk hurting people you ostensibly care for and that is unpalatable for a lot of people - maybe even because of personal experience.
And three - there is a valid point that some will make that this issue does affect in some way in the longrun the sense of honour that should underlie an M/s dynamic and limits the control that is possible.
So, on the negative side, there are things to be dealt with, but on the positive, there is more to come when or if you do.
In the end here, I hope that's aired the things you fear seeing or hearing and helped you to put a little perspective on them so that you can press on with enjoying and getting something out of SD! Good luck and I wish you joy and enlightenment of our little corner of the net!
anjuli
ps. For the person who asked what the difference is between the OP's situation and poly? I just have to say - everything - if as it appears the OP's partner/Master's partner don't know what's going on.
Poly is a way of life, the fully informed and consensual choice of everyone involved, and not to be likened to either an affair which deceives some of those involved or the historical lack of power of women to object to the infidelity of their supposedly monogamous husbands.
I think it's an important difference and one we shouldn't allow to slip by altho I accept that your intent was a good one so I hope you don't take offence.
~~~ “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” - Anais Nin ~~~
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