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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Salsa, Tango" 1 2 3 Salsa, Tango (23) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Tue 5 Aug 08, 2:19 PM Mr_Fire_and_Ice 4 yrs To all Masters and slaves out there. I need and answer to this Question. "What is the best way to make someone feel good about themselves in order yo get them to do something you know they want do?" My slave(wife) and I have been watching this show called "So you think you can Dance". Since watching the show, it's assumed that both us or at least I have developed an interest in taking couples ballroom dance lessons. I've seen the Salsa dance and all the others and they appear to me as very hot, very romantic dances. The problem is my slave says she is un-happy with the way she looks, meaning....well, at the current moment she is not like those real skinny girls that we see dancing those dances. However, I find my slave very attractive and sexy and I know she will look very sexy out on the dance floor dancing with me. She claims it just doesn't look right unless your very skinny. Well, I believe otherwise. I know she would look very attractive because I've seen other people dance. I'm a firm believer that anyone can dance when they take the time to practice. Now there is one other factor that she says keeps her from dancing with me. About more than 10 years ago, my slave and I went to a friends wedding. After the wedding they had the reception, where there was dancing and celebrating. While my slave and I was doing the Electric Slide, my slave and I sorta tripped over each other. I don't remember exactly what happened. However, it caused me to blurt out ..."What are you doing!" I guess it came out sort of in a sarcastic tone. I cetainly didn't mean to hurt her feelings by it. We were both having fun. maybe it sounded like I was annoyed with her, but I wasn't. I do regret saying it to this day, because it's also the second reason why she won't dance with me. Now I know for sure that my slave wants to dance with me but she has allot of fears based on what I told you so far. I do understand her fears and her pain behind what I said. However, my slave is all about romance and things of the heart. Dancing in a couples format such as Salsa and the Tango is exactly romantic! My slave has mentioned on one occassion that if I made her feel beautiful, through by complimenting her everyday, especially when she puts on new outfits and such, that perhaps she would feel good about going dancing. Well, I do compliment her. Ok granted I am a guy and compliments don't always come from my lips right away. Either we're rushing out the door to get to engagements or I just woke up and I'm not thinking clearly. Sometimes the compliments don't come until way later. Sometimes I do make them right away. Basically, under her theory, the key to getting her to do things she says she would never do because of fear or whatever the case, would be to first make her feel special and beautiful. Which, to me she is both of those things. To be honest with you, she says that's all it takes, but somehow I feel there is something more to it than that because it's not working. All I want is for my slave to dance with me. Not only for my sake but also for hers. I know she wants to dance with me. I just need to know how to persuade her to dance with me. I need to get across to her that she will look very sexy when she does it. We will be learning together. With practice we will learn it. Not to mention, it will be alot of fun for both of us. I want to dance with her so bad it hurts. I know she feels the same way. I just know it. What are your thoughts on this? Thanks, Mr. Fire and Ice 5 Aug 08, 3:01 PM EvaMaria US(CA), 3 yrs Have you considered private or group lessons as a first step? I've always loved to dance and the first thing C did after collaring me was sign me up for ballet lessons. I still take and enjoy them and have had lessons in various other forms of dance as well. I think knowing how to dance is the best confidence builder - and it has the added benefit of C being able to watch me practice. Camille Edited 5 Aug 08, 3:02 PM by EvaMaria 5 Aug 08, 3:04 PM anjuli UK, 4 yrs You know there are several different answers I want to give you but they're all pretty blunt. One. She's topping you and you're letting her walk all over you. It's a short step from there to dancing but not the kind you're after. I know you two are struggling but honestly, grow a pair, and get her off her ass and on the dance floor. Sometimes you have to expect to be obeyed. For pete's sake, don't pander to her all the time. Beauty, you know it's true. Why the hell are we always having to listen to this when you say you want to submit? Do as you're told and get over yourself. Dancing will help you lose weight, get fit and feel sexy and exercise improves mood and depression symptoms too. So for pete's sake, take the opportunity to please your master, get fitter and feel better about yourself whilst getting nice and close to your man on the dance floor. Two. Not everything in her life is a cause for PTSD and you need to stop apologising for imagined slights. She's taking the piss and walking all over you again. Have you noticed that anything and everything she doesn't want to do, is somehow your fault or due to some trauma in her past? Get her into therapy, get the issues dealt with and then get her focussed on the future. Beauty, you know it's true. Not everything in your past life has to be traumatic. You two collided on the dance floor and where the rest of us would laugh and move on, you're being a freakin drama queen about it? How about when he wants something you try to look for the reasons to do it, not those that mean you can't, for a change? And how about you listen - the man thinks you're fabulously sexy and wants to learn to dance with you. Now shut the hell up and follow his lead. Three. Either way, you need to look at yourself and really really be honest about whether you're up to this. If you honestly believe it you have to stop apologising, learn to tell and excuse from a reason and get her under control. Beauty, it's your job to help him master you, and stop all this crap backsliding and undermining of him every time he makes a setp forward. You are a significant reason why you don't get what you want and feel better about yourself right now. And you need to learn to focus on him and what he wants... continually grabbing for what you want, demanding and pleading just stop you from being happy. Be less selfish and it will be returned to you in full measure. Trust! You two have bigger things to work on than dancing but perhaps it will actually help... the gods alone know... because I don't! Just please FFS lead... if you end up going backwards, she's doing it again!!! anjuli ps. Argh. Sorry it's impatiently phrased but it's how I feel. You two move from one crisis post to another at such a rate you cannot possibly be dealing with any of the issues and it's a mixture of amusing and worrying. For goodness sake, stop. Focus on something and make some progress. ~~~ “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” - Anais Nin ~~~ Edited 5 Aug 08, 3:08 PM by anjuli 5 Aug 08, 3:17 PM littleone0472 9 yrs This may sound snide but remind me please which one of you is the slave in this relationship? Since when has a Dom had to 'compliment' his slave in order to 'get' her to do something he wants her to do?? uhh just order her to do it. If she refuses, then yeah there is your problem.. work on that first before dancing. you have to learn to walk before you can dance, and by the sounds of it your relationship is still in the crawling stages. but that's just my opinion.. colleen 5 Aug 08, 6:36 PM Mistress_Tiara 5 yrs As you seem to be having problems as a couple, aside from having so many problems in your D/s relationship, I would think that going dancing would be good. I doubt very much that Beauty is any bigger than Me so weight etc is not really an issue in any way, and I suspect this whole latest issue is really a diversion from looking at the other problems you have. My honest advice will not be what either of you want to hear - maybe you will not want to hear it so much that you will rally to prove Me wrong, which would be heartening to see. It seems to Me that on either level, your relationship is not working. This realistically leaves you with two options - > end your relationship or > stop focussing on endless distractions and mini-dramas and sort your relationship out together. Whether that means as M/s or as a standard vanilla marriage I do not know, but if you do not go back to basics and work our your real problems, then things will only get worse, not better. I hope you both find a solution that works for you both & makes you both happy. If we did not wish you well we would not as a board expend effort on replying to your posts, so I hope this is not percieved as an attack. If it is, and inspires you to 'show Me' by sorting your relationship out, that would be the best result possible. Good luck and My sincere best wishes. *~*Mistress Tiara*~* Edited 5 Aug 08, 6:37 PM by Mistress_Tiara 5 Aug 08, 8:19 PM little_linnet US, 6 yrs I hardly need to say, do I, that I agree with anjuli and Tiara. Look, man, you keep referring to her as your slave, but you don't *have* a slave. You'll have a slave when you make it crystal clear to her that you'll make the decisions about what you do together and her job is to obey you. Book the classes, load her in the car and go. If she makes an embarrassing scene about it, take her home like a naughty child. Now, in order to keep her under your thumb like this without breaking her, you're going to need to know (and demonstrate that you know) the difference between actual fears/traumas/difficulties and her manipulating you. It's natural for her to try and manipulate. It's your job to make sure it doesn't work. So get started. Beauty: you can't enslave yourself. Almost no matter what you do, it's not going to make a big difference in the long run if he's capable of owning you. But you can't get around one thing: at some point, in order for the process to start, you're going to have to make a conscious decision to put some reliance on him. You're going to have to decide to put aside past experiences and step into that void. Maybe you can't do that. Maybe you really feel that you wouldn't be safe doing it. In that case I urge you to respect your assessment of the situation and either settle into a vanilla relationship with him, or find someone who can own you. My point is, this is a shit or get off the pot moment for both of you. Krista So we are not supposed to write about our own experiences on the basis that it might make someone else feel inadequate? Sorry, but bollocks! 5 Aug 08, 8:57 PM Amo_s_beauty 4 yrs OMG! You act like you never started anywhere! You just WAIT to tell us off whenever you can! We will post no more porblems, I will only read people's stuff and try and learn that way. I am a terrible slave, we are just insulted time and time, why does everyone hate us and why anjuli are you always yelling at me? I cannot believe you were all perfect...is this still because of b4? I said I was sorry for that! You know, just yell some more, insult more, scream more, preech more cause God knows your all perfect and always were evidently! That is all you love to do to me I guess!!!! Well, I will not dance when I am fat. It is silly and ridiculous in my eyes! All you people do is make me feel bad about myself more than I already do! You make people feel so low because we are not perfect like you....here it is you want us to leave we will, all you do is preech yell and scream at us anyways! Other people have problems and you talk nice, and I know time and time again we have some "drama" your so cold hearted! Yeah we suck at this lifestyle, we are not perfect like you were when you started, right? You are so perfect never have feelings, never struggle to submit...right... never struggle to Dom correctly! Drama, well I am a sensitive person... I would rather have feelings and help people with my heart than HATE them and be cold!!!!!! Now tell me off more, now that you have a reason to....have at it, have your fun!!!!!!! 1 2 3 GO! And they are off! Edited 5 Aug 08, 8:59 PM by Amo_s_beauty 5 Aug 08, 9:55 PM Nanu_Civet US(KY), 5 yrs Sighs, First and for most take a deep breath and it is time to take a step or four backwards in becoming and M/s relationship. There are a few things I think you should ask yourself and discuss with each other before you go any farther. 1) Who are you? 2) What does being a slave mean to you? Or what does having a slave mean to you? 3) What does being a Master mean to you? Or what does having a Master mean to you? 4) What are your limits and why are they your limits? 5) Why do you want this type of relationship? 6) Are you sure you want to be M/s or do you prefer D/s maybe you simply want bedroom kink. None of these are wrong there just different. 7) What is the difference in M/s and D/s? 8) What are you both getting out of this relationship? 9) Who's idea was it and do you both really want it? There are more but I am sure you can come put with those was you start on these questions.. I do agree that you need to start with the basics and this is where I started. I would say to go though and read the writings that Tantos, lili and popi have done I have found them to be of great help. I can understand where your coming from I have been there M and I started this relationship with us both having very little knowledge of the lifestyle.. I have been exposed to it so I did have some understanding but not of how it would feel and that was the hardest and scariest part for me. I had issues giving up control and I resisted alot. If you build a house on sand it will wash away. Master's Little Kitten This is just an opinion and if you do not see things this why please ignore me. 5 Aug 08, 10:04 PM Mistress_Tiara 5 yrs Whether you go dancing or not does not matter to any of us, we responded to try to help. I told you what I would tell My friend, I didnt speak with 'hatred'. M/s is hard. All relationships are hard. Life is hard. I will not speak for the others who tried to help, only for Myself. My point is simply this, To be happy you need to change the behaviours that are making you unhappy. When you are so unhappy you are fighting so badly you are threatening to call the police (as last week), then something is wrong. Dance or don't dance. Be upset at the advice you are given or dont. Its up to you. But you will not be happy until you sort things out in The Bigger Picture. Once again I send you both My best wishes. Consider them hateful if you want. *~*Mistress Tiara*~* 5 Aug 08, 10:06 PM little_linnet US, 6 yrs I must be a sucker for punishment because I came back to add this: The reason I recognize the destructive pattern in your relationship, Beauty, is because I lived it. That would be before I was owned, because those patterns crippled any possible power relationship. Welp, that's it for me. Got no more time to waste on giving advice to people who throw tantrums and attack me for it. Krista So we are not supposed to write about our own experiences on the basis that it might make someone else feel inadequate? Sorry, but bollocks! Edited 5 Aug 08, 10:10 PM by little_linnet 5 Aug 08, 10:59 PM anjuli UK, 4 yrs Grief. Honey, no-one hates you, least of all me! Do you honestly think I'd have bothered with all that, or all the others who contribute to all the threads you two have started, if we hated you? What on earth is to hate? Neither am I shouting. Really I'm not. Preaching, yes - I will grant you that one this time because I was impatient with the two of you because you can't seem to hit the spot together on anything right now. But like Krista, I'm telling you stuff because it's hard won knowledge gained thro bitter personal experience. We've all been there and destroyed our own happiness for a while. But there comes a day when you have to choose. And if you're very lucky you find a man who can see what you're doing and take you in hand. Take it all as you wish, it's no skin off my nose if you do or don't listen. Someone may get something from the whole thing and that's good enough for me. I've shared. In my own rather blunt way, true, but the humour was there if you had the eyes to see it. I hope you do eventually ... and that you dance one day too. anjuli ps. And sweetie, if he thinks you're the sexiest woman on the planet it will make you happier if you can trust him and believe him. Dance for him - not yourself. ~~~ “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” - Anais Nin ~~~ Next page