This page sponsored by JT's Stockroom    [other banners]

	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Dominant = workaholic?" Dominant = workaholic? (7) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Sun 6 Jul 08, 1:21 AM 238-864-563 US(CA), 4 yrs i've a question pertaining to those who consider themselves to be dominants or M types. My experience is that the men i find who are looking for subs or slaves are "married" to their jobs... consumed by their work, in other words. i wonder if it's me, or if this is a common characteristic. They are often in high powered, very responsibile jobs, which isn't surprising, But time after time, the men who consider me and vice versa have, in reality, no time available for a relationship because they work so much. The "getting to know each other" period or, what might be called "dating" begins, and it soon becomes clear that he thinks it is normal and something i should accept that he is going to work and be unavailable for sometimes weeks at a time. To me, it seems they are out of control of their lives, or at least that their work is controlling them, and not the other way around...living to work instead of working to live. i understand a dom or M type is going to be a Type A personality in their personal life and at work...but this appears to be excessive... Is it that they cannot give up control of anything at work either? Cannot delegate? i am hoping to find out if what i have been experiencing during my search is common... any thoughts on this from others? Thank you. 238-864-563 6 Jul 08, 2:52 AM ravenkaldera US(MA), 6 yrs I'm certainly like that. If I worked outside the home for 60 hours a week, it would be much harder to sustain a M/s relationship, although I expect that my egalitarian wife who is very independent and has her own life would be just fine with it. (Especially if it made money, which my career doesn't.) However, instead I work 3 jobs here in my home. While it certainly does eat my life - and is my first priority, and my boy understood that going in - because it's here, that means that he becomes my unpaid employee in service to me, and we work together. That means spending time together that wouldn't happen if I worked an outside job. So it all works out fine. I suppose the ideal, if one had the right society, would be that any heavily career-oriented dominant who got a slave would automatically train them to be PA and guy/gal Friday, so that they would be working together and be hired as a team. There's also that working out a polyamory agreement is great on that front if people were into that. -Raven Kaldera -If you're in charge, it's all on your head. If it's not all on your head, then you're not really in charge. 6 Jul 08, 2:54 AM Eclectic1 US(ID), 4 yrs You are pretty close in your ideas. In my job I didn't have anyone to delegate to and honestly probably wouldn't have. I had things I needed to prove to myself and the job was the only way I could that. It was only after I retired for about 2 years did I realize just how stressed out I had been. I look back and I am surprised that the few who where friends could deal with me back then. This is why I started so late (probably to late) looking to do what I am now. Please DO NOT contribute my actions and the results to the situation you are describing going on in your life. It could be totally different. Kind of an individual trait and need. Hope this did not obviate your question. 6 Jul 08, 3:34 AM ravenkaldera US(MA), 6 yrs To be fair, I have also met some people for whom relationships are not the first priority in their lives (usually their vocation is what they're most passionate about) and who know that most egalitarian partners would not put up with that, and seek out a slave to have a partner who would theoretically put up with not being one's partner's first priority. I've also met people who wish to have a long-term relationship but not have to engage in emotional intimacy and vulnerability, and seek out a slave for that reason. Same thing. And, frankly, if they find the right slave, who is cool with that and has ways to find meaning in their life, why not? However, even pulling from a pool of subs, most people are going to have a problem with this sort of thing. -Raven Kaldera -If you're in charge, it's all on your head. If it's not all on your head, then you're not really in charge. 6 Jul 08, 6:56 AM slave_emma US(OK), 6 yrs Y! My Master works a lot of long hours which is more out of financial need than anything. In his line of work, there isn't an ability to delegate. He has to be there for x number of hours and he can't push his work off on someone else. We are able to cut down on the number of hours he has to work with me working outside the home. He is generally at work when I am work, so it doesn't take away from my service to him. Admittedly, it does take effort to work around work schedules and it takes effort from both parties involved, not just the Dominant or Master. When my Master and I first started seeing each other we lived four hours apart. At the time he worked about 60 hours per week and I worked 40 hours per week and went to college fulltime. We were able to arrange our schedules so that we saw each other every other weekend and talked daily. I am grateful that my Master and I were able to make the time to build our relationship. I feel that if at the beginning of my relationship with my Master if we weren't able to work around our busy schedules, it probably wouldn't have had a positive outcome. We had to (and still do) work hard in our professional lives and in our personal lives. It is just a matter of making the time for what is important. Good luck in your search. Best wishes, slave emma Master Howard's little girl 6 Jul 08, 9:39 AM masterfiremaam US(WV), 5 yrs Consider that you keep finding these men because you keep searching for the same traits. For whatever reasons, you are attracted to men who are emotionally unavailable. If you want to change that, start looking at why that is...and change what you're looking for. Master Fire - not a workaholic, but not male either. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Oh Hai! Blessinz of teh Ceiling Cat be apwn yu, srsly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 6 Jul 08, 12:04 PM Mistress_Tiara 5 yrs Excellent advice MasterFire. I have previously been what wold probably on the surface be described as a 'workaholic'. However, this has always been down to an element of necessity rather than choice. As a single Mother who wanted to provide adequately for My child, live in a nice area of the country, & to be able to afford to spend the majority of her school holidays at home with her I used to regularly work 70 hours a week, often more, between My various teaching jobs etc. There would then also be research work and other things to do while I was at home which I worked around My primary commitment. Im sure I could have worked less hours simply by not doing My job as well, but this was never an option for Me. I wanted to do My job well as well as doing the best I could for My family. Given the choice I would not wish to work this intensely again, it is not something I have a compulsive need or desire to do. I believe that the apsects of character which make Me Dominant are what allowed Me to work in this manner, rather than a simple 'Dominant = Workaholic' Paradigm. *~*Mistress Tiara*~* 6 Jul 08, 2:10 PM Blush4Him US, 4 yrs 238-864-563 wrote: Dominant = workaholic? i've a question pertaining to those who consider themselves to be dominants or M types. My experience is that the men i find who are looking for subs or slaves are "married" to their jobs... consumed by their work, in other words. i wonder if it's me, or if this is a common characteristic. They are often in high powered, very responsibile jobs, which isn't surprising, But time after time, the men who consider me and vice versa have, in reality, no time available for a relationship because they work so much. The "getting to know each other" period or, what might be called "dating" begins, and it soon becomes clear that he thinks it is normal and something i should accept that he is going to work and be unavailable for sometimes weeks at a time. To me, it seems they are out of control of their lives, or at least that their work is controlling them, and not the other way around...living to work instead of working to live. i understand a dom or M type is going to be a Type A personality in their personal life and at work...but this appears to be excessive... Is it that they cannot give up control of anything at work either? Cannot delegate? i am hoping to find out if what i have been experiencing during my search is common... any thoughts on this from others? Thank you. 238-864-563 My Sir and I both have high-powered, demanding careers. We both work well over 40 hours per week and neither of us can really delegate more than the clerical aspects of our jobs. Since I too could be classified a "workaholic" I'm not sure that it's a control or dominant issue. I definitely wouldn't classify either of us as emotionally unavailable. It just takes quite a bit of scheduling and understanding. Since we're LDR, it's even more difficult as we have to schedule in the travel time. Well worth it though, of course. And I think for us, it works because careerwise we're equal. If I didn't have the same demands, stresses, etc., I don't think I would understand quite so much. For most, the days of working 9-5 in a job that provided for a family of four are long gone.