The Ownership Flag and Icons    [other banners]

	TSR : Web boards : Internal Enslavement : "vanilla tenderness and feelings" 1 2 3 4 5 6 vanilla tenderness and feelings (57) This post is on the Internal Enslavement web board. Wed 25 Jun 08, 1:29 AM 391-117-605 US(WI), 4 yrs hello everyone.. i am a newly owned slave and new to the lifestyle in general and a new poster here... this slave has posted this question elsewhere and my Master was pleased with the responses it received and so in continuing my growth and learning at the hands of more seasoned slaves, He has encouraged it to post here as well. this slave has had a tendency to wish for vanilla tenderness and vanilla feelings of love in its M/s relationship with Master. Master has made clear, that such is not available and will not be part of this dynamic. He has made clear that slave's wishes are of no matter to Him and slave's role is simple: to do what is pleasing and of service to Master and abide by He wishes and desires. slave will be valued as property, but not loved romantically as in the movies. slave's question, therefore, to anyone kind enough to offer advice is this: do most new slaves struggle with this at the onset? is this something that one can overcome as one grows deeper into enslavement? Has anyone else struggled with these vanilla feelings and found a place in the heart to tuck then safely and provide loving service and pleasure to Master without expectation of vanilla tenderness? thank you any and all for thoughts as i continue to learn and grow in my journey. Master J's naked bitch fuckslut slave and property that exits to please and serve Him. emma 25 Jun 08, 1:46 AM Blush4Him US, 4 yrs 391-117-605 wrote: vanilla tenderness and feelings hello everyone.. i am a newly owned slave and new to the lifestyle in general and a new poster here... this slave has posted this question elsewhere and my Master was pleased with the responses it received and so in continuing my growth and learning at the hands of more seasoned slaves, He has encouraged it to post here as well. this slave has had a tendency to wish for vanilla tenderness and vanilla feelings of love in its M/s relationship with Master. Master has made clear, that such is not available and will not be part of this dynamic. He has made clear that slave's wishes are of no matter to Him and slave's role is simple: to do what is pleasing and of service to Master and abide by He wishes and desires. slave will be valued as property, but not loved romantically as in the movies. slave's question, therefore, to anyone kind enough to offer advice is this: do most new slaves struggle with this at the onset? is this something that one can overcome as one grows deeper into enslavement? Has anyone else struggled with these vanilla feelings and found a place in the heart to tuck then safely and provide loving service and pleasure to Master without expectation of vanilla tenderness? thank you any and all for thoughts as i continue to learn and grow in my journey. I certainly can understand your difficulty with this as I too would definitely struggle. I need the special tenderness, etc. that I'm sure would be labeled 'vanilla.' While I don't have any advice to offer (I'm sorry) I wonder if the two of you discussed this prior to beginning your M/s relationship? I wish you the best. 25 Jun 08, 3:53 AM 238-864-563 US(CA), 4 yrs 391-117-605 wrote: vanilla tenderness and feelings hello everyone.. i am a newly owned slave and new to the lifestyle in general and a new poster here... this slave has posted this question elsewhere and my Master was pleased with the responses it received and so in continuing my growth and learning at the hands of more seasoned slaves, He has encouraged it to post here as well. this slave has had a tendency to wish for vanilla tenderness and vanilla feelings of love in its M/s relationship with Master. Master has made clear, that such is not available and will not be part of this dynamic. He has made clear that slave's wishes are of no matter to Him and slave's role is simple: to do what is pleasing and of service to Master and abide by He wishes and desires. slave will be valued as property, but not loved romantically as in the movies. slave's question, therefore, to anyone kind enough to offer advice is this: do most new slaves struggle with this at the onset? is this something that one can overcome as one grows deeper into enslavement? Has anyone else struggled with these vanilla feelings and found a place in the heart to tuck then safely and provide loving service and pleasure to Master without expectation of vanilla tenderness? thank you any and all for thoughts as i continue to learn and grow in my journey. Not all M/s relationships are this way. We choose the relationship we are willing to become involved in. The time for negotiating and deciding whether you want the same things is at the beginning, before the commitment is made. That is the only time you have that opportunity, and it is your choice to go forward or not. For me, personally, a master/dom type with that limit on the relationship would preclude my involvement. Apparently you made a different choice. But it was yours to make. That being the case, where is the struggle? Isn't it rather like being angry with water for being wet? It is as you knew it would be, as you were told it would be. Are you now unhappy with the choice you made? Were you aware there was a choice? (i sure hope so). 238-864-563 25 Jun 08, 3:59 AM 391-117-605 US(WI), 4 yrs thank you blush... W/we are still at the beginning and Yes, Master has always been clear. The problem was with this slave and its "emotional wiring". it is resolving this issue in its mind has been having good success. this slave has only known affection in vanilla and, honestly, that was never very satisfying anyway. So, it is making the mental and emotional connectors re-route themselves and really has been making great progress. this slave NEEDS to live the life of a slave and has been blessed and ever so lucky to find a wonderful Master who will take it down that path. Truthfully, it feels much more of a connection and a much stronger tie to Master than it ever did to romantic relationships in the past. it is successfully compartmentalizing these vanilla emotions and is and will continue to move past them. this slave believes (without speaking for Master) that He wished for it to continue hear from others who may have passed this way to further its training and understanding of a strictly M/s relationship. thank you for your comments. Master J's naked bitch fuckslut slave and property that exits to please and serve Him. emma 25 Jun 08, 4:10 AM 391-117-605 US(WI), 4 yrs thank you for your reply.. 238-864-563 it is your "cut-to-the-chase" honestly that this slave applauded you on recently and here it is facing it head-on. this is my first M/s relationship (and god willing, my last)and yes, Master was always clear. this slave tried not to believe Him. However, the issue was forced and this slave has accepted the terms of this dynamic and made peace with it. it always knew it had a choice to engage or walk away and remain friends with Him. it chose to stay. this slave will love its Master; it knows that. He may never love it back in that same way, but it get more needs met with Him as its Master than it ever did in a romance. this slave only posed the question to know if others have dealt with this and how they resolved or did not resolve this issue. thank you again for your comments. Master J's naked bitch fuckslut slave and property that exits to please and serve Him. emma Edited 25 Jun 08, 4:11 AM by 391-117-605 25 Jun 08, 11:33 PM littleslavegirl FR, 3 yrs That would be so difficult for me. Master and I are most certainly in love and very tender, and I don't think that lovingness or tenderness are solely "Vanilla" traits, as I can see many of the other subs/slaves/properties on this site are well loved. I believe that without the love in our relationship I could never serve Master the way that I do or be such a good slave. I can see why it is so hard for you as I'm sure it would be damn near impossible for me. Make sure that it's what you want before you decide that you have no need for those desires and "tuck" them away. In my perspective without lovingness or tenderness in any way you would be missing out on alot. I wish you luck. "I finally learned what life is about: Hanging on when your heart has had enough, and giving more when you want to give up." slave belongs to Shadan and does all things online with Her permission. http://shelivesforher.blogspot.com/ <--Blog :3 26 Jun 08, 2:41 AM Lord_Laraby US(NY), 6 yrs Y! While I can understand that some Masters wish never to show tenderness, kindness or gentleness to their human property, I should point out that for me there is that part of me that must at times be expressed. I am strict hard cruel and very demanding of my slave. She knows she has little choice but to obey me in everything immediately and please me always. She also knows that she is not entitled to any tenderness or kindness of any type. But, she knows she will be held and used in some ways that seem kind or gentle as I desire that. I think she looks forward to those times, but I could be wrong. So, I guess I would have to say that one needs to be careful what one agrees to; there is little you can do to change the facts once they are determined by the Master. One should get to know the one who will own them very well before the slave is collared. Collaring and then finding things out is absurd and often leads to a great deal of emotional hardship and turmoil for either or both Owner and owned. LL proud owner of his lovely delectable sluts 26 Jun 08, 7:59 AM AsmodeusInLA US(CA), 5 yrs Y! For me, it's about behavioral psychology. Positive reinforcement (aka tenderness) tends to be a more effective means of behavior change than punishment. And NOTHING is more effective than the combination of both. So when I find a Dom who never is tender or reassuring...I tend to think he simply is ignorant of what works. MMLA Do you feel the most free....when in restraints?? 26 Jun 08, 11:18 AM 879-717-990 UK, 5 yrs i do believe that some people need to serve as a slave to another human being for a myriad of reasons, some of them healthy, some of the reasons not so healthy. Once this lifestyle has been discovered some people cannot accept anything other than serving. Having said that, perhaps the person you are serving might be problematic rather than the service itself. As has been referred to already, who a slave chooses to dedicate themselves to is as important as deciding to go into service. i see that you keep bringing the thread back to what your objective is, finding advice on how to accept not having "vanilla" tenderness in your life. Please take no offense when i ask, is this the right question to be asking. i am sure that there are many people here who would attest to the fact that we can make mistakes when choosing who we serve, especially in the beginning. The first Master and/or service we encounter is very powerful and can hold us deeply to that person. i have a very strong Master. He is not given to frivolous behaviour of any kind and He is very serious on the whole. That being said, He is the most loving, tender person where i am concerned that i have ever known. Property can be treated tenderly and lovingly whether it be animate (dog, cat, bird) or inanimate (car, musical intrument etc). No love is like the movies, nothing is like the movies. Would it be better to have a strong Master who also can love you as his very favourite creature (as mine does)or to learn how to overcome a very basic human need to be loved and cared for with tenderness? slave tsina 26 Jun 08, 3:52 PM 000-446-713 US(IN), 8 yrs The only thing i disagree with that has been said here is the suggestion that 'if you knew this from the outset, you should be at peace; the only time you have a decision to make is in the beginning' It is not a complete, 100% disagreement, i simply think that the advice did not consider many factors of real life. First of all, people enter into their dynamics in different ways, at different paces; and people have many different relationship agreements within those dynamics. I am more than happy to honor yours, however, since i don't know what they are, i feel it is mistaken to make assumptions. Some people enter their relationships by stages, without one big 'decision making moment'. Others have such a moment, but it is up to the Master to present it, so, for a certain type of dynamic, a slave could be in a relationship, thinking they will have no such ceremony, when in fact, it just hasn't happened yet. Slaves begin to use the language 'ownership' and 'Master', ect, at different times in different dynamics. So I have no way of knowing that you have, indeed, passed the point where walking away is inappropriate for you. Also, rather or not a slave may leave at any given time, rather a slave has the power to end their entanglement, also varies from relationship to relationship. Many Masters feel that the only right left to one who chooses to call themselves a slave to them, is the right to walk away at any time. In my own relationship, I do not have the right to leave. He can end the relationship at any time (although, unless He ends it for reasons of my most dishonorable behavior, He did agree to accept certain responsibilities with choosing to end the relationship.) I, however, can only beg Him to release me, and He has told me in advance that I would be unlikely to gain release, except for 'good reason' I signed His contract fairly early in our explorations together. Yes, I signed a lifetime commitment to Him sooner than many would call advisable, but I knew that it felt right. I loved Him at that time, (I only love Him more, now); but I knew that He did not love me. And I do not say 'yet', in that sentence, because it was not, at that point, absolutely clear to me that He would eventually love me. A possibility, yes; a certainty, no. We talked about that, discussed it, it was important in our negations. Master told me that there is a certain kind of slave, who needs to serve, just for the service, that does not need - sometimes does not want - love. And that He, personally, consider this a 'higher' slave calling. I asked Him - if He never fell in love with me, and i begged Him for release, for that reason, would He consider that a 'good reason'. He said, that, for me, He would, because it was clear to Him that I am a love slave, and I need to love, and to be loved. I had a previous Master that I had to ask for release from, simply because, He never fell in love with me. I thought that i could simply deal with it - but when he fell in love with a sisterslave, i could not - although i am very, very poly, love having sisters, and am one of the most truly un-jealous people you will ever meet. If you wish to go forward, there are several things worth considering. From your language ('my first Master, and hopefully my last'), i assume that this is not a time limited contract. You may wish to consider asking exactly what i did, slightly differently. For instance - if you try to serve in this way, and find that you simply cannot, will release be granted, if you feel you must look for someone who will meet these needs? such a question is not about planning to exit, although it is about providing an exit - but like a fire escape. one you do not plan to use, but can, if you feel you must. But that is something only you can decide. Other than that, i would not advise the view of things as 'closing off' these needs. Rather, examine how you get them met, in other ways, inside your dynamic. Do you find satisfaction for these needs in serving Him out of love? Are you allowed to say 'I love you'? I personally find great satisfaction when the answer to 'I love you' is 'I know', both because it assures me that it is visible, that he sees and knows me, and also because it speaks to the honesty of our relationship, that he would not feel that he 'had' to answer something a certain way. Can you feel tenderness or romance in other things that you do together? In discipline for misbehavior, in correction, in scolding, in direction? in sleeping beside his bed, wearing his slave symbols or jewelry, being tightly tied in his bonds, being locked in a cage or closet, being fed from his hand - whatever things go on in your dynamic? in kneeling from him, or sitting at his feet, or removing his shoes - whatever? You are the only one who can decide if this is right for you. Understand, you have the right to any limit you have, always. If being loved is a need, you have a right to it. There is a cost - you may not be able to be with THIS Master. Only you can decide, given that limit of real life, what your limits and non-negotiable needs are. Blessings. Good luck. 26 Jun 08, 8:12 PM 679-891-210 US(OH), 4 yrs I can only admire your determination to go forward with this relationship. For myself I could never offer my service to a man who didn't love me as the two are entwined. Of course my Owner was my BF and Partner before we moved into 24/7 M/s. We soon adopted a Owner/pet relationship and that works best for us. ( I still remember the wonder when He said He loved me "as deeply as He felt for His departed feline friend" ....and I knew that was the higest compliment!) Not many vanilla's would have taken that the proper way I'm sure! If you are sure this is the Master you want to give your service to, then you must take Him at His word and train yourself to stop expecting more. Of course He may grow to love you...as a favorite pet or more, but that's a big "maybe" to hang your future upon. If you are capable of finding happiness with serving Him under these conditions, press on. Otherwise, you must concider leaving Him....slaves must be honest with themselves first, so they may be honest with those they submit to. Neither of you deserves less. Obie's pet blossom Next page