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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "New Collar freak out" New Collar freak out (3) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Sun 8 Jun 08, 5:11 PM MMs_brat US(IN), 4 yrs Y! When I was first collared, everything was fine. I was excited about the collaring, as was Mistress. Problem is, a few days after being collared, the enormity of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks, which surprised me. This was not the first time I have been collared, and I couldn't at first figure out what was happening. I became claustrophobic, and went into a panic attack. For some reason, the collar scared me at that moment. I contacted Mistress, who gave me permission to use my emergency key on the collar, but that I was to replace it as soon as the problem had subsided. Within an hour I had the collar back on, and the key back into it's container. After giving it serious thought, and talking things over with Mistress, W/we came to the conclusion that the reality of the situation hit me hard. I think it hit me like it did because I knew Mistress was my One, that I need not look farther. I realised that my life was changing in so many ways, and had a brief moment of panic over it. I'm not sure if this has happened to anyone else. I understand what happened, but find it hart to put into words that explain what I was feeling at that moment. It was as if, suddenly, the collar had become real, not just around my neck, but deeper, into my heart, and soul. Mistress and I have been happy for the past three years, and I have become content at Her side. MY LIGHT In bondage, i have found freedom, In pain, i have found pleasure, In finding my One, i have found myself, And in the darkness, i have found my Light. Dedicated to my One, my Light, Mistress Mollie. copyright 2008. MMs_DiamondBrat. 7 Jul 08, 4:17 AM Kazuko US(CA), 4 yrs Y! You know, I wouldn't doubt that this is actually fairly common. Even though it was not the first time you had been collared, if as you say you truly know that you have finally found your One, I imagine that as you say it was simply the enormity of the situation. It also might have occured if you have not been with your One long yet, I don't think you mentioned that in your post. Of course, it seems you already know all this. Congratulations on your collaring! Despite that minor setback, I'm sure this will be a wonderful experience for you, and I'm happy for you! 19 Jul 08, 10:50 PM Property US, 4 yrs property thinks that only you can answer that. Why do you think you freaked out? ~property www.ownedbymyhusband.blogspot.com 20 Jul 08, 4:49 AM 662-935-655 5 yrs MMbrat wrote: New Collar freak out When I was first collared, everything was fine. I was excited about the collaring, as was Mistress. Problem is, a few days after being collared, the enormity of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks, which surprised me. This was not the first time I have been collared, and I couldn't at first figure out what was happening. I became claustrophobic, and went into a panic attack. For some reason, the collar scared me at that moment. I contacted Mistress, who gave me permission to use my emergency key on the collar, but that I was to replace it as soon as the problem had subsided. Within an hour I had the collar back on, and the key back into it's container. After giving it serious thought, and talking things over with Mistress, W/we came to the conclusion that the reality of the situation hit me hard. I think it hit me like it did because I knew Mistress was my One, that I need not look farther. I realised that my life was changing in so many ways, and had a brief moment of panic over it. I'm not sure if this has happened to anyone else. I understand what happened, but find it hart to put into words that explain what I was feeling at that moment. It was as if, suddenly, the collar had become real, not just around my neck, but deeper, into my heart, and soul. Mistress and I have been happy for the past three years, and I have become content at Her side. MY LIGHT In bondage, i have found freedom, In pain, i have found pleasure, In finding my One, i have found myself, And in the darkness, i have found my Light. Dedicated to my One, my Light, Mistress Mollie. copyright 2008. MMs_DiamondBrat. sounds to me like you knew at a gut level that this was a most serious commitment - and commitment can scare the best of U/us sometimes. Perhaps even a new Owner- whether or not it's the first time, although i doubt that we subs/slaves would see it. in this one's opinion, you did well to face your fears so well so quickly. Even if it happens again in some way, you'll know what it is and perhaps that will make it easier for you. It wasn't the collar for me but early on something DID freak me out in BDSM - and in front of a bunch of F/folks too. i was so ashamed i stayed away from some good F/friends for a few months because i was afraid to face T/them. And then i found T/they were just worried for me and U/us. i wish i had had your ability to come to terms with it so quickly and easily. But then my own past was part of what was haunting me. i don't trust easily - even Master, He was my Husband a long time before i could trust Him enough to accept a Collar and all it meant. Not because of Him, but because of me and others in my past. i wish i had been able to come to terms with it sooner as W/we'd have known that added degree of happiness longer - but there is no use crying over spilled milk, as they say, and at least W/we had it for almost 5 years before He died. That's something. i know many people - esp. vanilla - who don't seem to ever have known happiness or to ever appreciate what they have. As a song says, they are very good at paving their own personal paradise and putting in a parking lot. There's been one lately OOOOOOOO, i'd like to slap her upside the head to wake her up. Healthy husband who works like a slave to give them a decent standard of living - very decent from my widow's pension and disability check and all she wants is more from everyone. And i'm just grateful because there was a time in my life when i could just get that way. as a slave, every loving-kindness and tenderness or gift or whatever we are blessed to know is a privelege and not something we are due, and so those of us who have any success at being slaves do learn, i think, the attitude of gratitude and contentment that so many outsiders don't know. i suspect there is something similar for our Owners, as most of Them - or more of Them than i see outside O/our lifestyle- do also seem to be happy more or less with their lives.. that is what i am most grateful to this lifestyle for - learning to be satisfied and learning the difference somewhat between wants and needs. Honestly sometimes i just want to ask that vanilla gal-pal "how does it feel to want?" (EVIL GRIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Hmm, maybe Master's right and i have a bit of a S/switch ability in me. (GRIN) j/L Papa's owned always: still proudly wearing His Collar and Ring, rest in peace Beloved Master/Husband! "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose" Janis Joplin Edited 20 Jul 08, 4:53 AM by 662-935-655