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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "What do I do?" What do I do? (6) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Thu 15 May 08, 3:59 AM 887-458-885 US(IL), 5 yrs I know i'm mostly a lurker on here, but I thought you all might still give me some valuable advice like you have in the past. In my current relationship, I am completely lost. As some of you know, when I entered the relationship it was completely vanilla. However, the previous relationship was of the BDSM variety, though it was more of a kinky relationship than a TPE relationship. After about a year of dating, I asked that we bring in some feature of D/s into our relationship, and at first, all was well. At the time, I had never felt so loved, wanted and cherished. I find my true self in submission. It is both a comfort and a unique form of trust that I truly thought/think he deserves. However, after a bad incident involving myself freaking out after my own failure to communicate, he has practically refused the lifestyle alltogether. His input as far as ideas for the relationship and how to progress, or even sort of continue what we'd been doing has been minimal. As a submissive who once reveled in my place, and as one who has held an eternity cuff for 5 months now, I am lost and confused. I have tried talking to him about it, and he tells me that maybe he can only be my boyfriend, not my master. I am afraid that he is concerned that both of our bipolar disorders will be detrimental to such a relationship. I don't know if I can have a relationship without this anymore. I am hurt and lost. I feel as if I have no balance; no controlling factor that helps keep me from my own lack of inhibitions. I don't know if this made much sense, but if you have any advice on how to handle the situation, it would be much appreciated. 15 May 08, 4:57 AM Eclectic1 US(ID), 4 yrs With the bipolar situation for both of you maybe talking to a knowledgeable counciler would help. If you go to the Janus site you can find some help there if there is no one local. You need to find out why you freaked out . It also does not sound like he really has an interest in the life. More like he did so for you. Good luck 15 May 08, 5:31 AM slave_emma US(OK), 6 yrs Y! I am sorry for your situation. Unfortunately, you can't make someone be a Dominant or Master when he doesn't want to that person. It is okay for your boyfriend to feel that being a Master isn't right for him. At least, he is being honest with you about that fact. Perhaps at this point, you need to evaluate yourself and the relationship. You need to decide whether being with your boyfriend with whatever positive qualities he has is more important to you than your need to be controlled by another person. If your need to be controlled out weighs your desire to be with him than you may want to consider ending the relationship. You may also want to consider the possibility of a compromise. In life we don't always get everything we want, so sometimes if we get part of what we want that will meet the need. As an example, if you started doing more self-regulation with something like a schedule that he prepared. A written schedule may help you feel more controlled. Please make sure you take your time and fully evaluate the situation and its ramifications before making any decisions. You may also want to consider seeing a counselor together, that may make it a little easier to sort out all the problems. best wishes, slave emma Master Howard's little girl 15 May 08, 6:14 AM masterfiremaam US(WV), 5 yrs You can't control how someone else acts or reacts. You can only control yourself. You can also only make decisions for yourself. In every relationship, there comes a time, or times, when we have to ask which is more important, our vow or our happiness? We also have to ask, "Have I tried everything I know to save things?" as well as, "Have I given it enough time?" In the end, you'll get to a point where my mother's advice will help. She says to ask yourself two questions. 1) Is being in the relationship healthy for you? 2) Will you miss them when they are gone? If the answer to either is no, it's time to end the relationship. It sounds like to me what you need to find out is if he's refusing to do it because it wasn't him in the first place or is he refusing to do it because he feels he fucked up and is afraid of failing again, possibly hurting you? Getting to the bottom of that will help your decision process a lot. Master Fire "Be excellent to each other." - Bill and Ted *air guitar* 15 May 08, 6:32 AM masterfiremaam US(WV), 5 yrs You can't control how someone else acts or reacts. You can only control yourself. You can also only make decisions for yourself. In every relationship, there comes a time, or times, when we have to ask which is more important, our vow or our happiness? We also have to ask, "Have I tried everything I know to save things?" as well as, "Have I given it enough time?" In the end, you'll get to a point where my mother's advice will help. She says to ask yourself two questions. 1) Is being in the relationship healthy for you? 2) Will you miss them when they are gone? If the answer to either is no, it's time to end the relationship. It sounds like to me what you need to find out is if he's refusing to do it because it wasn't him in the first place or is he refusing to do it because he feels he fucked up and is afraid of failing again, possibly hurting you? Getting to the bottom of that will help your decision process a lot. Master Fire "Be excellent to each other." - Bill and Ted *air guitar* 15 May 08, 11:47 AM broken_minx 4 yrs you must do what you need to keep grounded. if you need the D/s and he can not give it you could carry on with him as a boyfriend and seek the rest elsewhere, if you are unable to leave him and he is agreeable that is. 15 May 08, 11:49 AM Property US, 4 yrs Life is too short to live how we are not meant to. property has found that she needs to be who she is and allow everyone to accept that. property agrees with the suggestion of going and seeking help. Possibly open forum will make it easier for him to understand the issues that you are facing. property wishes you luck. ~property www.ownedbymyhusband.blogspot.com