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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Finding a slave/sub" 1 2 3 Finding a slave/sub (29) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Thu 8 May 08, 3:53 AM redstorm563 US, 4 yrs Hi, I'm new to the whole D/s M/s lifestyle and I was wondering how you find a slave or sub 8 May 08, 6:20 AM Loving_Ms US(OK), 4 yrs In My experience, you will most likely have to chat with lots of subs/slaves before You find the right one for You. I have talked with several, and that includes many fakes. I found Mine on a website that was pretty helpful. But like I said, I went through lots of conversations and even more e-mails to find him. Aside from finding My pet, I have met others in the lifestyle that are local to Me. Loving_Ms and proud Owner of 166-608-420 8 May 08, 7:44 AM 675-820-429 US(VA), 4 yrs you may try a personal ad here at SD that may help i don't know as i haven't used it, but from what i've seen that is what it is for looking for a Master/Mistress or slave/sub. Other then that i can't tell you any more then the other poster did. Good luck, tracey 8 May 08, 9:40 AM anjuli UK, 4 yrs redstorm563 wrote: Finding a slave/sub Hi, I'm new to the whole D/s M/s lifestyle and I was wondering how you find a slave or sub Well, first you need to learn about yourself and your dominance. I'm going to start with the basics as your question implies it's needed and your profile is blank so no help. You need skills and ability and huge maturity. You need to know who you are and what you are, be comfortable in your own skin, emotionally and probably financially secure, and THEN start looking when you know what you need and want. Subs are not an easy lay and slaves are not a route to an easy life. It's not all about sex or kink. Being a dominant or a master is sheer bloody hard work and requires intelligence, application, commitment, energy... self-sacrifice and devotion even. Because if she cannot believe that you will ALWAYS look after her, she's not going to hand herself over on a plate. You need to understand the responsibility that you are taking on, just for a scene with a sub at a club or for her entire life if we are talking M/s as we understand it here. Even if you're talking about sceneing with subs you need to be able to trust yourself with their physical and mental wellbeing and to inspire their trust in you. Believe me, they are not going to be falling at your feet to do your bidding without that. And for that you will need to get involved in the lifestyle, go to munches and clubs, talk to experienced dominants and submissives and read and research and learn. If you're considering owning someone then you need a whole lot more. What will you do when someone relies on you for their entire emotional and physical and spiritual wellbeing and the fact that life goes on and you still need to work and mow the lawn and get your hair cut and buy new shoes for your interview or whatever? You can't have a day off, or decide your slave will have to fend for herself for a bit because you're sick, busy, fed up. If you're not totally stable yourself the wheels will come off somewhere. Pushing someone into submission, physically and mentally, enslaving them, engenders fear, resistance, reactance (read the IE website) and anger - often directed right at you. And if you do it right, you have someone who looks to you for everything which means, love and devotion but also dependence and neediness because they are trusting you with their life. Please don't just start advertising. You will get pissed off in a very short time because your lack of knowledge is going to jump off the page at any sub/slave worth her salt and they will get pissed off too and let you know (don't assume we're all shy quiet deferent little things or you'll get eaten alive by one of us just to prove the point! ) What I'm telling you is that if you don't have your own shit together how the hell can you be expected to deal with someone elses. It's a huge challenge. Read here - lots - because this is the best place I know that you can read about the REAL lives of those living M/s relationships and work on all the other elements. You will know when you're ready and so will everyone else. Good luck anjuli ~~~ “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” - Anais Nin ~~~ 8 May 08, 2:19 PM MasterJRC HK, 4 yrs Y! redstorm563 wrote: Finding a slave/sub Hi, I'm new to the whole D/s M/s lifestyle and I was wondering how you find a slave or sub Redstorm From the point of view of a man with several decades of age and experience on you, might I suggest you look deep inside yourself and fully understand who and what you are. At the tender age of 18, your hormones are still trying to sort themselves out. I am not damning you as a top, you might very well be. The point is, that in taking on a sub or a slave, part time, full time or cyber is a hell of a lot of work and responsibility. If you don't have your collective shit together you're going to damage her/him leaving a monstrous load for you to carry in your life. Take your time, go to local muches, go to local clubs (if the state you're in allows 18 year olds). Learn, grow, grow to look in the mirror and know exactly who is looking back. When I was 18, I wore a Teflon overcoat, nothing stuck or stained. However, it was not who or what I grew to become. If you rush, you will err. If you walk slowly, you will grow as a person. when you're ready, and you can demonstrate to a girl she can place her entire self in your hands with confidence and safety. Then, and only then are you ready. JC Edited 9 May 08, 2:53 AM by MasterJRC 9 May 08, 2:01 AM redstorm563 US, 4 yrs Thank Y/you for the help and i do understand the responsibility and other aspects i have been looking into it for a few years now Edited 9 May 08, 2:02 AM by redstorm563 9 May 08, 9:44 AM anjuli UK, 4 yrs redstorm563 wrote: Thank Y/you for the help and i do understand the responsibility and other aspects i have been looking into it for a few years now Um... did we misunderstand your question then? I'm confused. I'm not sure how much you could have done or even had access to under the age of 18 (so I shall take that 'few years' with a pinch of salt)and therefore I'm not clear on what level you might be addressing the question. Are you asking how practically do you find someone? If you've been researching, you know there are sites and clubs and munches so that makes no sense. Are you asking how you know someone is right for you? How to approach them? Expand on what you want and we may be able to help. anjuli PS. You'll hear what we've told you many many times I'm afraid, probably until your sick to the back teeth with it, but reading and hearing IS different from understanding gained through experience so it's justified. And it's not just because of your age but it won't help. Time and carefully garnered experience through getting involved in the lifestyle locally will help. ~~~ “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” - Anais Nin ~~~ 9 May 08, 6:38 PM 675-820-429 US(VA), 4 yrs yes, i agree with MasterJRC and anjuli i to was not sure of what you were asking or the expirace you had with your profile so blank. and as a sub i would not put trust in a guy at 18 years of age that would have my life in His hands. the reason for this is i can't or don't see 18 year olds with enough expirace to take my life in their hands and they don't have enough real life in general expirace to help me through what may came up. Now, that said, we do not know you so we can not truly judge that, but the sad fact is you need more expirace and no sub or slave who is not a wannabe or misguided would want to be collared by you at this point if they truly know this lifestyle. it takes R/T expirace to gain the most from this lifestyle and reading though helps don't give it to you enough and i agree you need to grow up some too i'm sorry to say i too do not believe based on what you wrote that you know enough to take on a sub/slave yet. and i was with my first post coming in not wanting to hurt your feelings or start something and from not really understanding what you meant for sure, so i posted based on helping you without my real thoughts on the subject. tracey 9 May 08, 7:21 PM 741-498-880 4 yrs I am a young slave, I will be 23 in june, but I married my owner at 20. I would not have married him if he hadn't had his shit together, and at 18... no boy has their shit together... Take the time to learn, grow, get some life experience, take classes on psychology, anatomy.. and other social classes that will help you learn... Take parenting classes... you may not understand the logic behind this, but attention seeking behavior in a 3 year old isn't any different in a 30 year old. You will learn useful tools in all sorts of different places. Be open and gracious to what people have to say, even if you don't want to hear it, it might just be useful to you. I would never trust an 18 year old, no matter how well he had his shit together, as it was, my owner, at 34 when we were married took over a yearinto our marriage to gain and earn my trust... for us, he's still building trust between us... it took 2 years before I could handle his hand on my throat and would submit to him with out fighting back, becuase I learned to trust that he wouldn't harm me.. simple things you don't think about, simple things that have huge meaning are often over looked... and everyone has different points, different reactions as the trust deepends... for someone else, it may be as simple as reaching out to you for a hug...or asking for a hug... There are things, that take patience, and time to understand, if this lifestyle is something you truly want.. I would suggest listening to anjuli's advice, and the advice you recieve from other Masters. If you were new to the lifestyle at 40, or at any age, they'd still tell you to research, but at your age of 18, you don't even have life or job experience behind you to give you a head start so your starting from scratch. Regards, Jake's emma Edited 9 May 08, 7:23 PM by 741-498-880 9 May 08, 9:01 PM the_Jedi_of_Gor US, 4 yrs Y! I agree with MasterJRC. I could not have said it better myself. My advice is to just look around. there are submissive girls everywhere, not just in the scene. Learn how they act and learn how to spot them. Learn what they are looking for and learn how you can provide what they need. Find a nice submissive girl and learn this together. pick one you think might be a little kinky and experiment. Learn what you like and what you don't like. Maybe you will want to collar her and make her a slave someday.. who knows? You need to learn these things and learning with someone else at your side will be fun. You are not ready to be called "Master" yet so just start learning and have fun. When you are truely ready to find a slave you won't have to ask. You will know. You need to know exactly what you want and exactly what it is that you can provide. Good luck and have fun. Jake Sorry for the poor spelling and brief posts. I am usually driving or working..or both 9 May 08, 11:35 PM shyfox 4 yrs the_Jedi_of_Gor wrote: I agree with MasterJRC. I could not have said it better myself. My advice is to just look around. there are submissive girls everywhere, not just in the scene. Learn how they act and learn how to spot them. Learn what they are looking for and learn how you can provide what they need. Find a nice submissive girl and learn this together. pick one you think might be a little kinky and experiment. Learn what you like and what you don't like. Maybe you will want to collar her and make her a slave someday.. who knows? You need to learn these things and learning with someone else at your side will be fun. You are not ready to be called "Master" yet so just start learning and have fun. When you are truely ready to find a slave you won't have to ask. You will know. You need to know exactly what you want and exactly what it is that you can provide. Good luck and have fun. Jake Soo...how do you spot them? Next page