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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "vulnerable-can you understand?" vulnerable-can you understand? (8) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Sat 29 Mar 08, 7:43 AM 898-443-818 US, 5 yrs i am fairly new here. i have been with Daddy three years, married for one. He has recently taken a wonderful new job - His dream job. It's very complicated - it deals with stocks, mutual funds, things that don't come naturally to me. While He learned i tried to follow along and understand. But He swiftly surpassed me, is now fully licensed and underway. i am now a stay at home slave/mom/wife and that is fairly new as well. So all this transition happened at about the same time, although not exactly "planned" it just fell into place. i feel extremely vulnerable that my Daddy/Master and Husband has such a high profile, high intellect job, and i am now a "home economist". i LIKE it, this has been our goal for a long time. Many vanilla women find themselves in my position i'm sure and do not feel as vulnerable. But i have been just so... screwed over in the past. Daddy of course is wonderful to me, amazing, loves me unconditionally, past and faults as well. i tried to explain my vulnerable feelings and He tried hard to understand...but His POV of course is that we are in a wonderful place - which we are - but i have never been taken care of to this extent before....and i feel this is another "notch" toward our deeper M/s life yet it's surprisingly halting. i have these bad dreams recently...that i am still married to my (horrible) ex, that i am with a past Master, or that my current Daddy will leave me. All ridiculous scenarios which nonetheless feel real at the time. i wake up exhausted and with a headache. i know this extreme feeling of vulnerability is unnecessary. Not only am i happy being a stay at home wife/slave/mom, it is what i have DREAMED of and longed for for years. This is not a matter of dissatisfaction - quite the opposite, it is almost a matter of transitioning to SUCH a wonderful place. While Daddy tried to understand i picked up that "I'm trying but don't quite get it" vibe from Him. If even one of you guys can understand - it would do wonders for my psyche. i have done the soul searching and if someone can come forward and say this fear at least makes sense, i think i can start to let it go. Thank you, and sorry this is so very long. 29 Mar 08, 9:59 AM slave_of_George US(AR), 4 yrs i think that the key here is ACCEPTANCE. and yes, i understand. short story--Master and i had a frantic, rather urgent beginning to our relationship. i was collared quickly and probably a week later Master asked me to move in with him. i told him at the time that for all of my good qualities of which he was aware, there were things which just hadn't come up in our relationship yet. for example, i'm a chronic depressive who because of nightmares and flashbacks sleeps with all the lights on in the house. his reply to this was to tell me that i could sleep with as many lights on as i wished and maybe after we were living together and i felt safe for the first time in my life, my depression would go away. (sweet, beautiful, naive and it still brings loving tears to think about it) anyway, my point is that i had to learn to ACCEPT that something good HAD actually happened to me and that my life wasn't the load of crap i had always assumed that it would be. it sounds like you have had a nice life with your Daddy. now its just nicer. just relax and accept that Daddy will take care of you and that things can work out and that some people do live happily ever after. W/we are. Edited 29 Mar 08, 10:01 AM by slave_of_George 29 Mar 08, 12:47 PM Sgiandubhs_ceilidh US, 5 yrs Y! These constant thoughts can destroy what you have. i was destroying O/our second chance by having unfound fears and thoughts. i have learned to look at each day as a blessing and i have to work hard not to see a future that is not preplanned. Master loves me and takes good care of me. He assures me that i am loved and safe and that O/our future is unthreatened. i followed my councelors advice and i do not watch or read anything that would bring those thoughts of the unrealistic future or horrible past come to the surface. i read books of inspiration and watch movies with happy endings. i talk to Master even if i don't think He understands. Just knowing that He does listen and tries to understand helps wonderfully. From what you have written...you have a the best of all worlds. So many people cannot take care of home and not have to work in the vanilla world as well. i am envious. Love your life and good luck. Love without rules. ceilidh 29 Mar 08, 3:38 PM 702-688-374 US, 5 yrs I've found life to be simpler and things it throws at you easier to accept following these two rules: 1. Happiness is a self-induced state of mind. You can decide whether you will be happy or not. 2. Don't make problems where problems don't exist. z 30 Mar 08, 2:51 AM thekittenpup 4 yrs What pet's first thought on this was now that you have this security, this, lack of worry and true happiness, perhaps your subconscious is trying to finally cope and heal all the way from your past hurts. Perhaps journaling, blogging or even talking to a counselor would help? There are "kink friendly" therapists out there, if you look hard enough. pet would suggest journaling first, trying to work through your feelings, just seeing where it takes you. Perhaps forming it as a letter to your Daddy would help. *curled up at her Master's feet* ~~~~ Master reads and pre-approves every post this pet makes. He will deny and/or completely remove any and all posting priviledges as He sees fit. ~~~~ 30 Mar 08, 3:15 AM dorothy US, 4 yrs Y! I totally understand. I still have nightmares about losing Master, and having to accept a new husband or Master. At the end of the dream, I discover that He is still alive and well, but wake up crying that I don't want a new Master. Mantras have helped. For me it's important to get beneath the childhood conditioning that I don't deserve this life. And that takes time. Please remember and accept it that You DO deserve this wonderful Master. His property, His body, His mind. 30 Mar 08, 5:06 AM Dsdove US(MN), 4 yrs I think the previous posts have had some great comments! I would add that going through change is stressful. Even with good change, it takes a while for the subconscious mind to catch up with the conscious mind. As someone mentioned, it sounds like you are healing some deep hurts. Also, you said that part of this change was you transitioning to being at home full time. If you were accustomed to working outside the home, the loss of that social contact maybe increasing the stress of the change. Although I know some slaves are very content to focus themselves on the home, family and Master, I know that I am a social creature and I need the stimulus of people. If you think isolation is contributing to your anxiety, you might see if you can find a stay-at-home mom's group, and early childhood education group or some way to socialize during the day with people who share some of your situation. Have patience and be kind to yourself! Master's sweet c 30 Mar 08, 5:33 AM masterfiremaam US(WV), 5 yrs Strangely, our fears of success are often as strong, or stronger, as our fears of failure. You've now gotten what you wanted...what will you do with it? It's a question that bears looking at. Think of a person you know who always seems to find something to complain about. What would they do with themselves if they suddenly had, say, perfect health? What if they had nothing to complain about? We assume, knowing them, that they'd FIND something to complain about. We keep ourselves in a victim mentality, often, because we're comfortable there. We're used to it, simply put. But, staying in hell because we know all the street names isn't a very healthy, or satisfying, way to live. My guess is that your afraid to succeed. It's extremely common (I see it in myself, too), so don't be down on yourself about it. But, realize that you subconscious is going to show you these fears in dreams. You are afraid this will become exactly what your "good thing" became before. The way to avoid that is to see that you feel this way and to consciously say, every time it comes up in your mind, that you will be successful and happy in this new relationship dynamic. The more you say it, the more you reinforce the thought and literally create new neural pathways in your head that support the good thought. The less you think the bad thought, the less those pathways are used and, eventually, they will fade. You will have taken yourself out of the victim mindset of "something always goes wrong" and created a new reality for yourself. Welcome to the life you want! Master Fire "Be excellent to each other." - Bill and Ted *air guitar* 30 Mar 08, 1:16 PM 753-706-935 NL, 6 yrs 898-443-818 wrote: vulnerable-can you understand? i am fairly new here. i have been with Daddy three years, married for one. He has recently taken a wonderful new job - His dream job. It's very complicated - it deals with stocks, mutual funds, things that don't come naturally to me. While He learned i tried to follow along and understand. But He swiftly surpassed me, is now fully licensed and underway. i am now a stay at home slave/mom/wife and that is fairly new as well. So all this transition happened at about the same time, although not exactly "planned" it just fell into place. i feel extremely vulnerable that my Daddy/Master and Husband has such a high profile, high intellect job, and i am now a "home economist". i LIKE it, this has been our goal for a long time. Many vanilla women find themselves in my position i'm sure and do not feel as vulnerable. But i have been just so... screwed over in the past. Daddy of course is wonderful to me, amazing, loves me unconditionally, past and faults as well. i tried to explain my vulnerable feelings and He tried hard to understand...but His POV of course is that we are in a wonderful place - which we are - but i have never been taken care of to this extent before....and i feel this is another "notch" toward our deeper M/s life yet it's surprisingly halting. i have these bad dreams recently...that i am still married to my (horrible) ex, that i am with a past Master, or that my current Daddy will leave me. All ridiculous scenarios which nonetheless feel real at the time. i wake up exhausted and with a headache. i know this extreme feeling of vulnerability is unnecessary. Not only am i happy being a stay at home wife/slave/mom, it is what i have DREAMED of and longed for for years. This is not a matter of dissatisfaction - quite the opposite, it is almost a matter of transitioning to SUCH a wonderful place. While Daddy tried to understand i picked up that "I'm trying but don't quite get it" vibe from Him. If even one of you guys can understand - it would do wonders for my psyche. i have done the soul searching and if someone can come forward and say this fear at least makes sense, i think i can start to let it go. Thank you, and sorry this is so very long. yeah i understand this i have always been very insecure about my master leaving me cuz of trouble in the past at home not in a relationship it gave a trouble in our relationship we broke up over it cuz my master didnt understand at first and also dealt with trouble himself so and i was pretty fucked up but it got better when we got together the second time i was diagnosed with ADD my master has been really understanding he says im still very insecure buts a lot better than 2 years ago hes still with me and it got better cus he reassures me a lot and he is still is here and my fear didnt come true i have seen that nothing bad would happen he stayed with me for over 2 years and still is and its the best i hope for you it grows better over time too time really helps to grow more secure and belive that things can be okay •• Danitos Sex and Pain and Pleasure Toy 753-706-935 ••