The Top 100 BDSM / Fetish Books    [other banners]

	TSR : Web boards : Other Topics : "Nice people and BDSM" 1 2 Nice people and BDSM (14) This post is on the Other Topics web board. Sat 1 Mar 08, 3:25 AM skewlmastr US, 4 yrs Y! Hi, my slave and I have lived a 24/7 TPE for about 7mos now and we are just starting to look out ward for like minded people for friends and maybe play of all kinds. However what i seem to be finding is that most people that i come in contact with are not very nice or not very real . I am a normal guy i have a job,no tats or piercings however that is because my job will not let me have them i guess what i would like to know is do all doms feel like they have to be assholes to show that they are a dom because i dont not even to slaves that i meet that are not mine . where might i find nice people in the BDSM way of life ? 1 Mar 08, 4:40 AM Yarakot 6 yrs Different cities and different groups within those cities have different personalities and different things they'll put up with. If you're asking where are the nicest people in the bdsm universe, I would have to vote for Chicago. But I see that you're in Atlanta and it doesn't do you much good to hear that Chicago is overloaded with serious BDSMers who are truly nice as well. One thing I recommend is that you come to the Meet and Greet we're arranging at the MAsT (Masters And slaves Together) event in DC and meet those of us on this site. Closer to home, realize that you are fortunate to live in Atlanta. (I know people in Wheeling, West Virginia who had a great deal of trouble finding any nearby group.) There are a number of groups, so you can simply try going from group to group until you find a group with a chemistry that works for you. One thing I do recommend is that you give a new group several meetings before deciding it won't work. Also, I'm not sure what you're using as a metric to decide that the Doms are assholes. Is it something in particular that they're doing or not doing? Carolyn "Each moment opens like a flower. The age of miracles comes every hour on the hour. Turn any corner, there's something new and nothing is too wonderful to be true." -- Launer, Shapiro, & Henning Edited 1 Mar 08, 4:41 AM by Yarakot 1 Mar 08, 4:01 PM shyfox 4 yrs skewlmastr wrote: Nice people and BDSM Hi, my slave and I have lived a 24/7 TPE for about 7mos now and we are just starting to look out ward for like minded people for friends and maybe play of all kinds. However what i seem to be finding is that most people that i come in contact with are not very nice or not very real . I am a normal guy i have a job,no tats or piercings however that is because my job will not let me have them i guess what i would like to know is do all doms feel like they have to be assholes to show that they are a dom because i dont not even to slaves that i meet that are not mine . where might i find nice people in the BDSM way of life ? Unreality is a plague in the BDSM world and no cure on the horizon as of yet. I think it's flawed to think that getting a bunch of perverts together, based solely on the fact that they are perverts, is a good way to form a community. If you are looking for people to play with try putting out an ad or two. You would get better results. I'm near Atlanta and it's all fucked up. I'd rather chew off my own leg then congregate in some of these "venues". If you must mingle I suggest you buy a taser. 1 Mar 08, 5:28 PM Yarakot 6 yrs shyfox wrote: I'm near Atlanta and it's all fucked up. I'd rather chew off my own leg then congregate in some of these "venues". If you must mingle I suggest you buy a taser. I've only been to one bdsm event in Atlanta and that was more than 20 years ago, so I doubt that my experiences have anything to add. However, Atlanta seems to have a really mixed reputation. I've heard people say that Atlanta is one of the friendliest, nicest bdsm communities they've ever encountered and others say that it is rude or snobbish and that they wouldn't associate with the Atlanta community on a bet. This leads me to believe that either people are looking for very different things or that Atlanta just has a lot of different groups and whichever group the person finds initially colors their opinions or that some people make the mistake of actually getting involved in bdsm politics (always unwise) and mistake the universal nastiness of bdsm politics as indicative of particular unpleasantness in the local community. It is guaranteed, though, that if you believe that everyone in the BDSM community should be exemplars of beauty, elegance, intelligence, and courtesy that you will be disappointed. The community is very much a mixed bag. The bad apples are nearly always more obvious than the quiet elegant people off to the side. I think it is worthwhile to be a part of the public BDSM scene, just not such a committed part that it drives dirt into your soul. For the original poster: my owner recommends Southeast LeatherFest in Atlanta, which he says is run by top-notch people and would probably be a good experience for you. It is June 13-15. Our experience was that we didn't find the really good people in the scene until we started attending the big events. Once you do that, you find the little groups that are really worth being a part of. Carolyn "Each moment opens like a flower. The age of miracles comes every hour on the hour. Turn any corner, there's something new and nothing is too wonderful to be true." -- Launer, Shapiro, & Henning Edited 1 Mar 08, 5:30 PM by Yarakot 1 Mar 08, 8:19 PM little_linnet US, 6 yrs Yarakot wrote: The bad apples are nearly always more obvious than the quiet elegant people off to the side. Heh. Reminds me of Gone With The Wind after the war; the most active social movers and shakers weren't the really worthwhile people to know. The really interesting, gracious, principled, genteel people kept mostly to themselves in a quiet group. Still waters run deep. Krista Jesus fuck, I get pulled out from under the tits of the Exposicion Young Gun and Neo-Nazi Club by someone it turns out the seguridados would happily slag the entire neighborhood to make sure they erase! 1 Mar 08, 9:06 PM shyfox 4 yrs Yarakot wrote: I've only been to one bdsm event in Atlanta and that was more than 20 years ago, so I doubt that my experiences have anything to add. However, Atlanta seems to have a really mixed reputation. I've heard people say that Atlanta is one of the friendliest, nicest bdsm communities they've ever encountered and others say that it is rude or snobbish and that they wouldn't associate with the Atlanta community on a bet. This leads me to believe that either people are looking for very different things or that Atlanta just has a lot of different groups and whichever group the person finds initially colors their opinions or that some people make the mistake of actually getting involved in bdsm politics (always unwise) and mistake the universal nastiness of bdsm politics as indicative of particular unpleasantness in the local community. Of course, there are always good apples and bad apples and all that jazz. The problem is that when you get all the apples together in one pot they all go rotten. People in groups become something entirely different than people as individuals. It's an ugly difference. It is guaranteed, though, that if you believe that everyone in the BDSM community should be exemplars of beauty, elegance, intelligence, and courtesy that you will be disappointed. The community is very much a mixed bag. The bad apples are nearly always more obvious than the quiet elegant people off to the side. I think it is worthwhile to be a part of the public BDSM scene, just not such a committed part that it drives dirt into your soul. You would think that with its population, the Atlanta "scene" would be more diverse. It wasn't; it was painfully homogeneous. I can respect the fact that you think it's great to be a part of a public scene. There are people out there who are the sociable type and they need that type of interaction. I wholeheartedly believe that the "scene" can be damaging to certain types of people. If you do manage to avoid all the pitfalls, the sex bunnies, politics, gurus and would-be gurus and find this well hidden cache of “genteel” folk like yourself then what do you do? Do you sit around and rehash the same topics that have been rehashed a million times on every bdsm board in existence? Do you have tea parties, exchange recipes, compare whips…what? After all your genteel intellectual conversations die off then you are left with nothing but fuckery, fuckage, and fucknoodly. This is probably the reason why you didn't join a leatherworking/cooking/flowering arranging community in the first dam place. Isn't it easier to take out an ad for potential “hump buddies” that might also want take in a movie on occasion and avoid the sweaty leather-clad masses? 2 Mar 08, 12:14 AM Yarakot 6 yrs shyfox wrote: Of course, there are always good apples and bad apples and all that jazz. The problem is that when you get all the apples together in one pot they all go rotten. People in groups become something entirely different than people as individuals. It's an ugly difference. I'm not so certain that it is the case that people in groups are always bad. What does seem to occur is that groups encourage individuals to act in ways they ordinarily wouldn't, whether that action is giving more to charity in the presence of others or doing vile things because everyone else is. I am not such a misanthrope that I find people in groups to be completely ugly and evil. In fact, some of my best friends are people. shyfox wrote: You would think that with its population, the Atlanta "scene" would be more diverse. It wasn't; it was painfully homogeneous. When you say this, are you talking about homogeneity of externals (race, gender, etc) or of personalities? I was referring to the variation in personalities. It is sadly true that the BDSM scene in general is not as ethnically or racially diverse as anyone would like. shyfox wrote: I can respect the fact that you think it's great to be a part of a public scene. There are people out there who are the sociable type and they need that type of interaction. I wholeheartedly believe that the "scene" can be damaging to certain types of people. I do too and I've said that several times on TSR. I include the online world as one of those harmful places to certain individuals or individuals in certain phases of their M/s relationships. I should point out that I am not trying to force the OP into the public bdsm community against his will. He clearly wants to find people he can talk to, learn from, be comfortable with, and so forth. That is what the public scene provides. Not everyone is a people-shunning loner. shyfox wrote: If you do manage to avoid all the pitfalls, the sex bunnies, politics, gurus and would-be gurus and find this well hidden cache of “genteel” folk like yourself then what do you do? I don't really see myself as 'genteel'. I'm more the bouncy, friendly type. Also, I'm not certain that I see the types you mention as "pitfalls". I enjoy the sex bunnies. I'm grateful that someone else is taking care of the politics. Some gurus really do know their stuff and I enjoy learning from them. The would-be gurus are fun as well. It's like any other group of people: the diversity of types is its strength. shyfox wrote: Do you sit around and rehash the same topics that have been rehashed a million times on every bdsm board in existence? Not generally. Some groups have organized meetings where they discuss various topics relating to BDSM or M/s. Once one is alone with one's friends, the kinds of silly discussions about the meanings of words or how do you know if someone is "real" don't come up. The other things that people talk about on BDSM boards that generally don't come up in real life are the angst-ridden discussions about the terrible bad things in people's lives. shyfox wrote: Do you have tea parties, exchange recipes, compare whips…what? Alas, there are no tea parties. Perhaps Mistress Tiara throws tea parties in the UK. I like to think that she does. There are dinner parties, though, and restaurant crawls, and visits to movies, or movie showings of bdsm-oriented flicks in someone's home. Sometimes there are photo shoots or parties with funny bdsm-oriented games. Sometimes people climb into canoes or whitewater rafts or do other things that one does with friends. Sometimes people do exchange recipes, though the recipe I most often see people exchange is one for a home-made product to moisturize and protect leather. They also talk about how to build things or make things for BDSM. Compare whips? Absolutely. The doms whip out their whips and everyone stands around to admire the size, the perfect balance, the tightness of the braid, and so forth. They do the same with knives, paddles, and anything else new and fine. (Or even old and fine.) Sometimes they talk about whips as well, what makes one better than another, who makes the best, etc. We also talk about current national politics, scene politics, who is doing what with whom, various techniques we've seen, how hot the newcomers are, how dull the parties are compared to those of our youth, where did such and such get that amazing dress, what is the latest, hot thing, and so forth. Some very, very small groups discuss the truly intellectual things. My owner still pines for someone we met in Chicago who had a lively discussion with him about the ideas of Paul Fussell. But that isn't particularly normal for the scene, just as it's not particularly normal anywhere outside of faculty potlucks. shyfox wrote: After all your genteel intellectual conversations die off then you are left with nothing but fuckery, fuckage, and fucknoodly. I don't know that conversations with people one likes ever need to end. I can think of several people in the scene that I would gladly sit and listen to for days on end. shyfox wrote: Isn't it easier to take out an ad for potential “hump buddies” that might also want take in a movie on occasion and avoid the sweaty leather-clad masses? Certainly, if that's what you're looking for. However, if one is looking for a group of friends with whom one can be utterly oneself (including the M/s aspects) then taking out an ad doesn't work as well as finding a simpatico group. Carolyn "Each moment opens like a flower. The age of miracles comes every hour on the hour. Turn any corner, there's something new and nothing is too wonderful to be true." -- Launer, Shapiro, & Henning 2 Mar 08, 12:17 AM Yarakot 6 yrs little_linnet wrote: Heh. Reminds me of Gone With The Wind after the war; the most active social movers and shakers weren't the really worthwhile people to know. The really interesting, gracious, principled, genteel people kept mostly to themselves in a quiet group. Still waters run deep. There are boisterous people that are well-worth knowing as well. However, nothing catches the attention quite so much as someone who is doing something utterly unacceptable. That's what I meant. I didn't mean that the only people worth knowing in the scene were the introverts. Carolyn "Each moment opens like a flower. The age of miracles comes every hour on the hour. Turn any corner, there's something new and nothing is too wonderful to be true." -- Launer, Shapiro, & Henning Edited 2 Mar 08, 12:20 AM by Yarakot 2 Mar 08, 9:56 PM shyfox 4 yrs Yarakot wrote: When you say this, are you talking about homogeneity of externals (race, gender, etc) or of personalities? I was referring to the variation in personalities. It is sadly true that the BDSM scene in general is not as ethnically or racially diverse as anyone would like. I was talking about the externals. I can't lie and say I stuck around long enough to answer the second part. Not generally. Some groups have organized meetings where they discuss various topics relating to BDSM or M/s. Once one is alone with one's friends, the kinds of silly discussions about the meanings of words or how do you know if someone is "real" don't come up. The other things that people talk about on BDSM boards that generally don't come up in real life are the angst-ridden discussions about the terrible bad things in people's lives. Haha No impromptu group therapy sessions; sounds better already. Certainly, if that's what you're looking for. However, if one is looking for a group of friends with whom one can be utterly oneself (including the M/s aspects) then taking out an ad doesn't work as well as finding a simpatico group. Yep, that's what it boils down to in the end. The OP certainly has a lot more information to go off now ' Edited 2 Mar 08, 9:57 PM by shyfox 2 Mar 08, 10:19 PM little_linnet US, 6 yrs Yarakot wrote: the recipe I most often see people exchange is one for a home-made product to moisturize and protect leather. Spill it please Krista Jesus fuck, I get pulled out from under the tits of the Exposicion Young Gun and Neo-Nazi Club by someone it turns out the seguridados would happily slag the entire neighborhood to make sure they erase! 2 Mar 08, 10:46 PM Yarakot 6 yrs little_linnet wrote: Yarakot wrote: the recipe I most often see people exchange is one for a home-made product to moisturize and protect leather. Spill it please Krista, They all start with picking the correct animal viscera and debates as to which animal internals are the best to use and how to render them. Usually the point that they are describing this is when I clutch my stomach and find another conversation. I will ask my owner whether he recalls since he has actually paid attention to this recipe and all its individual variations. He is not nearly as squeamish about dead animals as I am. Carolyn "Each moment opens like a flower. The age of miracles comes every hour on the hour. Turn any corner, there's something new and nothing is too wonderful to be true." -- Launer, Shapiro, & Henning Edited 2 Mar 08, 10:47 PM by Yarakot Next page