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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "submission" submission (3) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Thu 28 Feb 08, 8:25 PM 741-498-880 4 yrs I wrote a blog on submission. I struggle with the word. I don't consider myself a doormat submissive, but I know if certain physical things happen, I will submit with out concious thought physically. even mentally and emotionally if certain events happen or if people act a certain way towards me.... This has made me very "bitter" about my submissive tedencies.. in fact I prefered any word but submissive.. property, slave, anything but the word submissive.. I even prefered the word surrender to submit. http://jakeskajira.blogspot.com/2008/02/dark-sid... That was the specific blog link,I didn't feel like posting the whole essay. Has anyone else here struggled with the words? with the idea? feeling like its bad to be submissive? because while I aboslutely love it, there's a big part of me that fights it and is afraid... because of the dark part of my submissive nature... that part that makes it possible for me to get hurt or taken advantage of... or unable to say "no" in certain situations.. that if I wasn't submissive never would have happened... I struggle with this.. this internal battle within myself... I guess I am just seeking wisdom from those submissives who started in the same place I did and had to work through their fears of submission... 2 weeks ago, I couldn't have written this blog. a year ago, i'd have been offended if I had read a blog even remotely like the one I wrote today... It scares me to share the weaknesses I did in that essay. 28 Feb 08, 9:29 PM Keeper UK, 4 yrs Y! jakesemma wrote: Has anyone else here struggled with the words? with the idea? feeling like its bad to be submissive? because while I aboslutely love it, there's a big part of me that fights it and is afraid... because of the dark part of my submissive nature... that part that makes it possible for me to get hurt or taken advantage of... or unable to say "no" in certain situations.. that if I wasn't submissive never would have happened... I struggle with this.. this internal battle within myself... I have not yet read your essay, but will as soon as I have said this little piece. I am at the other end of the whip so to speak, and there are places there that are just as dark, just as terrifying. I know that once she is in that space, I could do almost anything, make her perform almost any task. To truly hurt or harm her in ways she would really not enjoy or even appreciate as part of our dynamic. The key word is trust. Trust in your other to control themself, to stick to the boundaries, and trust in yourself to do likewise. This applies whichever end of the whip you are. I shall now read your blog and perhaps have more to say or offer. EDIT after reading blog. There is nothing to be afraid of in who you are, and by knowing yourself you are in a better position to not get yourself too far into the dark spaces. Trust is as I mentioned paramount, certainly for my girl it is exceedingly easy to get her to the dark spaces. Edited 28 Feb 08, 9:33 PM by Keeper 28 Feb 08, 11:11 PM luna_lux US, 4 yrs Y! jakesemma wrote: submission I wrote a blog on submission. I struggle with the word. I don't consider myself a doormat submissive, but I know if certain physical things happen, I will submit with out concious thought physically. even mentally and emotionally if certain events happen or if people act a certain way towards me.... This has made me very "bitter" about my submissive tedencies.. in fact I prefered any word but submissive.. property, slave, anything but the word submissive.. I even prefered the word surrender to submit. http://jakeskajira.blogspot.com/2008/02/dark-sid... That was the specific blog link,I didn't feel like posting the whole essay. Has anyone else here struggled with the words? with the idea? feeling like its bad to be submissive? because while I aboslutely love it, there's a big part of me that fights it and is afraid... because of the dark part of my submissive nature... that part that makes it possible for me to get hurt or taken advantage of... or unable to say "no" in certain situations.. that if I wasn't submissive never would have happened... I struggle with this.. this internal battle within myself... I guess I am just seeking wisdom from those submissives who started in the same place I did and had to work through their fears of submission... 2 weeks ago, I couldn't have written this blog. a year ago, i'd have been offended if I had read a blog even remotely like the one I wrote today... It scares me to share the weaknesses I did in that essay. first of all, i'd say that what matters is how you feel and what you do, rather than the word you call it. words only have power if you let them have power. personally, i'm a big fan of the "s-type" and "M-type" concept - after a while, endlessly discussing the difference between slave and submissive is splitting hairs, for example. but to your point, yes. it's a double-edged sword, recognizing that it's a need, rather than a want. it's an immensely positive thing in that being able to articulate it and discuss it in it's entirety - truthfully and without shame, is a ginormous leap for most relationships, no matter your history. on the challenging side, flying in the face of traditional society, feminism tenets, and facing the fact that your needs are fairly huge, can be overwhelming. it would be easier, sometimes i think, to believe you can "take it all back," and "go vanilla". no, it's not easy to acknowledge the depths of who you are, and that they may not be tied to someone else, but rather - part of your wiring as an individual. and i'm one of those that on occasion wishes it wasn't true myself - life might have been a lot easier if it wasn't. but more often than not the sense of beauty and gratification is even *more* overwhelming than the difficult parts. so, it's worth it, i think. bravo to you for getting over the hump of a word. 29 Feb 08, 8:09 AM masterfiremaam US(WV), 5 yrs If you like to read, I highly recommend a book called "Shadow Dance". This books has some good exercises about how to bring your shadow into the light and talks about the theory a lot more. I found it to be a pretty deep read, but well worth slogging through. The gyst behind it is that we all have a "shadow side" to our personality. BUT, this shadow side ISN'T the "negative" parts of us, just the "hidden" parts. This means that all the things that we refuse to believe about ourselves (like we can be GOOD at doing or being X) are in our shadow. Since we don't believe these positive things about ourselves, we fear that they are true. Why? Because we are often as afraid of success as we are of failure...for what would we actually DO without ourselves if we couldn't say, "I'm not good at XYZ."? It'd be like the person who's always sick finding out they're the posted child for perfect health. Based on this idea, I feel your submissive side is hidden in your shadow. There's some kind of fear you have about being identified as a submissive, something you know has POSITIVE value in your life. I'm betting if you dig deeper, it goes beyond the feelings of security you talked about. Look deeper and see where the fear about the security comes from. For most of us, all our fears can be taken down to one root: our lack of love for ourselves. You fear being backed into a corner where you'll have to defend yourself...and your fear comes from the fact that some part of you doesn't feel it's worth defending...and having to defend it opens you up to a rejection of your core. If you are rejected, then your worst fear is realized: you are unworthy of love (yeah, this is exactly what I posted to the other girl!). Owning the word submissive is about coming head to head with that fear. In my opinion, you fear the success of that because it means you are then obligated to defend and stand up for yourself...I.E. you are obligated to love yourself. That can be incredibly hard because most of us have been trained (or "domesticated", as the Toltecs say) to forget that we are lovable. We knew it instinctively as children... I hope this wasn't TOO rambling! Master Fire "Be excellent to each other." - Bill and Ted *air guitar*