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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "need helr on changing thought process." need helr on changing thought process. (5) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Wed 27 Feb 08, 8:08 PM 988-477-532 US(GA), 4 yrs Y! I'm new in to slavery. part of the problem is that we have been together 6yrs before this change. I wanted this change I am the one who brought it up and asked for it. are marriage wasn't great but we loved each other. But I was miserable I felt like needed to control everything even though I was a housewife with no job so in a way I have been in the submissive position but not really submissive. I don't want to be in control I cant it makes me a crazy BITCH, but now I know what I want and I'm trying hard to become a good slave. The problem I'm having a lot of trouble with is the mental process, my heart is changed but my head is fighting it. For example sir says to call cpu people because he is busy at work I automatically think of how I cant because I don't want to feel stupid because I don't understand computers instead of think yes Sir this will please him. This is only one example. But it happens all the time at home and when were out. I love my master and want to please him but how do I change this. Please if you have any advice I would really appreciate it. I truly want to change but I'm starting to think I will never be a good slave. P.S if you haven't had any problems like this or know anyways to help in a kind and instructive way don't reply. I would like both sides advice slaves/masters thank you 28 Feb 08, 6:34 AM masterfiremaam US(WV), 5 yrs First, beating yourself up on an emotional level isn't going to help your development. You'll start to focus on the negative and not the positive and call your fears (and failures) to you. So, understand that you are trying to under a lifetime's worth of programming. It ain't gonna happen overnight. Second, tackle one thing at a time, one day at a time. When you have a task to do that you don't want to do, examine it and take it down to the bare tacks. Calling the CPU people, for example. You already know the core issue is your fear of looking stupid. So, what's the WORST thing that happens if you look stupid? You hang up...gather yourself...and call again. Chances are, you'll get a totally different help desk person and you can start again. Another thing to do is to just be upfront with the person. "I don't know anything about this...I'm calling because my partner asked me to and I want to help, but I'm feeling really stupid about it all." Believe me, help desk people appreciate people who are HONEST about what they do and don't know. Third, focus on things that you have done well, not on things that you haven't. Set up a reward system, even if it's just the joy of putting a gold star on a piece of paper that says, "How many things I've done for my Master that were a struggle to do." Fourth, don't give up. *hugs* Master Fire "Be excellent to each other." - Bill and Ted *air guitar* 28 Feb 08, 10:25 AM anjuli UK, 4 yrs What a fantastic reply! <applauds MF> Honestly, if you can just start with that stuff, you will make huge progress. I'd also suggest that you talk to your Master about this. He needs to know when you struggle. If he's busy and he asks you to call the helpdesk for him. Follow above advice and then talk to him at bedtime or when it's all quieted down. Tell him how hard it is and ask him to talk you thro what it means when you comply and work thro these sorts of barriers. I know that in the early days I would sometimes just have to say to Master, 'Can you remind me what this is all about because I lose sight of it when I get in a state over something?' And he'd tell me what it meant for our relationship, what he got from it, how it pleased him that I'd handled it this way and worked closer to acceptance, and how peaceful and calm I would be when I let go properly. I still love those moments when I kneel in front of him before I am allowed to ask to share his bed and he talks quietly into my ear, reminding me of what we are doing and what he wants. Stick at it and try mantras. I asked about using them to put my mind in the right space and you could use it while you complete the (damn) task, 'It's not about me, it's not about me...' <grins. Thanks Raven!> or find a way of talking yourself into the right attitude 'I love him, I serve him, I give him control, I do it freely and happily.' whatever it takes. I don't think this will ever go away entirely because we're human and it's so much harder to un-habituate yourself to controlling than it was to grow the habit in the first place... but it does get easier. anjuli ~~~ “I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” - Anais Nin ~~~ 28 Feb 08, 2:39 PM MasterMattsslave CA, 4 yrs Y! Arg! i wrote out a very thoughtful reply to this and sent it to Master for approval, but now i can't find it. i think i deleted it by accident, so here is my second draft, lol. i agree that You should most certainly sit down and talk to you Master about this. Honesty and communication are the foundation for this (and any) type of relationship and they are required if this is going to work out for the two of You. i'm sure He would love to hear how you are feeling! you said that sometimes He will ask you to do things that make you feel stupid. i also suck with computers and hate feeling dumb, so i do just what MasterFireMaam said and tell them this: "I don't know anything about computers. Literally. Would you please go slow for me so i make sure i can get it all done right?" They're usually pretty nice about it. But let me ask you this: What is more important to you, looking stupid to others or following your Master's will? you are now HIS posession. Following His orders should be the most important thing in your life, and His opinion is what matters most. Even if i don't want to follow what my Master says, i do it anyways because i would rather have Him be pleased with me and thankful for what i have done than have His anger directed at me for deliberately disobeying because i "didn't want to feel dumb". i do not think your Master will think "feeling dumb" is a valid reason for disobeying. It is your Master's duty to assign tasks for you to complete, and it is your job to complete them. i see a counselor bi-monthly because i have issues in the past that i am dealing with and also i have doubts about a lot of my life. i know the following advice is not going to seem helpful, but if you think about it, is it: Just do it. Just start listening. It's not as easy as it sounds, but if you are going to change or achieve anything, you must simply make up your mind to change. i have seen this work in my own life... Wow, i just realized that some of this has sounded kind of rude, so i apologize. i'm sure your Master does not expect you to be perfect from the beginning. Don't worry and don't get too angry with yourself. The perfect slave is not born overnight. you will be a good slave if your heart is in the right place and you have a genuine desire to please your Master! Maybe doing somethingt similar to this would help you? my Master was very good with me in the beginning (and continues to be as well) by only asking me to do a few things daily for Him. That way, i could feel good knowing i completed them. Why don't you and your Master take it slow and work your way up to doing more and more things? i think that you will find that if you start slow, you will simply begin doing everything he asks of you without question. i know that it's really hard sometimes, but don't give up hope. If you really want to be better, work at it and make sure He knows what going on in your head "I will love and protect you forever. you are worth any risk. you are not broken" (Master Matt) Edited 28 Feb 08, 2:44 PM by MasterMattsslave 28 Feb 08, 6:15 PM 825-768-571 US, 5 yrs 988-477-532 wrote: need helr on changing thought process. I'm new in to slavery. part of the problem is that we have been together 6yrs before this change. I wanted this change I am the one who brought it up and asked for it. are marriage wasn't great but we loved each other. But I was miserable I felt like needed to control everything even though I was a housewife with no job so in a way I have been in the submissive position but not really submissive. I don't want to be in control I cant it makes me a crazy BITCH, but now I know what I want and I'm trying hard to become a good slave. The problem I'm having a lot of trouble with is the mental process, my heart is changed but my head is fighting it. For example sir says to call cpu people because he is busy at work I automatically think of how I cant because I don't want to feel stupid because I don't understand computers instead of think yes Sir this will please him. This is only one example. But it happens all the time at home and when were out. I love my master and want to please him but how do I change this. Please if you have any advice I would really appreciate it. I truly want to change but I'm starting to think I will never be a good slave. P.S if you haven't had any problems like this or know anyways to help in a kind and instructive way don't reply. I would like both sides advice slaves/masters thank you for me the operative words here are "i love my Master and want to please Him ".its process a journey to feel comfortable with yourself , and as His , but it does come to pass. details work themselves out , and your Master is the guide and keeper of the details , He is there for you , like You are for Him . trust Him , trust yourself in Your desire to do what has to be done , and its so worth every minute of confuion and doubt to reach that point where you blend , and feel free . we are humans , and in our day to day in the big world we feel less tha witty or sure of ourselves, so that carries over into this Life , but then a Master comes along to carry us , so .. no worries 29 Feb 08, 12:59 AM Outlaws_dotsuwa US(OK), 4 yrs I agree with everyone here on thier responses, but something I had not seen yet so thought to add. The only opinions that matter are the ones of your Master and yourself. Though the opinion of your Master trumps your own opinion. Of course that doesn't mean become snippety when dealing with others outside of the relationship for they are people and they are only doing thier jobs. However when it comes to something such as calling the cpu people take a moment to think and perhaps create a mantra that will help you when you get to something that will be uncomfortable. When you find yourself dragging your feet then use the mantra. If it's something that you have huge reservations about then talk to your Master. I don't know your relationship but I'm pretty sure that he won't put you in harms way. And remember that the people that are on the other end of the situation such as customer service people. They too were not all that intellegent about what it is that they are working with. In learning we all have to start somewhere, just keep in mind that your Master's opinion matters more than that of a perfect stranger and smile to yourself knowing that your Master will be happy with your service to him. manxie kitty Owned and managed by Outlaw {previously Outlaws rapture} bound by love to the One that holds her heart, even in the darkness she feels warmth through the chill of her own pain. http://rapturemusing.blogspot.com/