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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Poly or?" Poly or? (9) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Sun 24 Feb 08, 7:35 PM deb0rah UK, 10 yrs Poly is a funny thing, when is it poly and defined as such versus they get to fuck each & other what does the other person get out of it? When does one slip in to the other and back again? Are both definitions ok or not? Debs x "Woman in her greatest perfection was made to serve and obey man." John Knox Edited Sun 24 Feb 08, 7:37 PM by deb0rah 24 Feb 08, 8:07 PM Michael_X UK, 6 yrs Poly is arguably about multiple intimate relationships with the knowledge, consent and blessing of all involved (leaving aside the issue of consent in M/s for now) so if it is only about the sex then it is not poly but something else. Are you talking about V-shaped and what is in it for the existing partner of someone who decides to take a second partner? 24 Feb 08, 8:10 PM popi 7 yrs i don't know the answer to this, when i spent many weekends with Tanos (scening, doing weekend D/s and falling in love). i thought extremely highly of both Tanos and lili and would have classified myself as being part of a poly relationship. Now i look back on my naivety and smile, after living under the same roof and loving within a poly relationship for over two years, i would now say that this is a poly relationship. i would hazard a guess that people's current relationships will determine their definition. popi xxx 24 Feb 08, 10:20 PM deb0rah UK, 10 yrs Michael_X wrote: Poly is arguably about multiple intimate relationships with the knowledge, consent and blessing of all involved (leaving aside the issue of consent in M/s for now) so if it is only about the sex then it is not poly but something else. Are you talking about V-shaped and what is in it for the existing partner of someone who decides to take a second partner? To a certain extent. We are Ms and a sort of V but thats because of time and freedom. We are an Ms couple, he also has a sub that he sees and cares for and who is a friend and we have a relationship too, although not of late. Right or wrong within in MS isnt what I am looking for and I am totally on the side of do as youre told and shut up as people know on here. My issue is however that I cant see it at the moment. I see them being able to have fun and connect and cant see how im involved. Again within Ms so what, yet even within Ms you question and have issues, this is one right now. I guess for some reason I am asking wheres my gain in all this which is incredibly self aware and not slave like at all, yet it is there. I guess for some inexplicable reason I am asking what about my needs and wants, which is an odd one for me and not very usual. I like feeling jealous and often have championed poly. This relationship is what I asked for and I was actually instrumental in bringing about. Its not so much the relationship as it can work very well, it feels like where do I sit within it? popi wrote: i don't know the answer to this, when i spent many weekends with Tanos (scening, doing weekend D/s and falling in love). i thought extremely highly of both Tanos and lili and would have classified myself as being part of a poly relationship. Now i look back on my naivety and smile, after living under the same roof and loving within a poly relationship for over two years, i would now say that this is a poly relationship. i would hazard a guess that people's current relationships will determine their definition. popi xxx I agree, hence my current question and dilemma. The Ms that is me totally says shut up and do, yet there is a voice asking, hang on what about me? I also ironically believe that poly under the same roof (and we have had this as well) in some respects is easier as its more there, tangible and quantitive as it is seen and felt. Maybe the issues over the enslavement levels are more key here and have enabled me to question where as I may not have done previously. I still find it an interesting moral and ethical matter so thought I would throw it out there anyway. We have over 6 years together and it's so interesting the ups and downs it brings as you often feel well I have achieved that bit what else could possibly rear its head, hmmm, rear rear as it tends to! I like the fact that I have never learnt enough, the fact that a text book answer isnt right for us or that even those that have a wealth of experience just screw up at times. We all do right now I seem to be, monumentally in many aspects! At the same time I am saying hey, it's alright for you two, you get to have fun, no kids around, practise control where the real world doesnt intrude as much and have sex ... I get? Pretty damned selfish but it is also very honest. Debs Ps Issy, thank you you lovely person xx "Woman in her greatest perfection was made to serve and obey man." John Knox 13 Mar 08, 8:40 AM 000-304-501 US, 7 yrs Y! deb0rah wrote: Poly or? Poly is a funny thing, when is it poly and defined as such versus they get to fuck each & other what does the other person get out of it? When does one slip in to the other and back again? Are both definitions ok or not? Debs x Hello Debs & All~ I have been Poly All of my Life. And involved in the Poly Community pretty much as long as it's been around. And before I came into the BDSM Community about 8 years ago. The flat Definition of Polyamory is> Loving More Than One Person at the same time. The pword Polyamory was coined by Morning Glory Zell in Boquet of Lovers in 1990. A link to this below> http://www.caw.org/articles/bouquet.html The Definition in the Poly Community of Polyamory is> Honest Open Responsible Loving Multi-Partner Relationship(s). But there are as many Definitions of Polyamorous Styles as there are PPL it seems. Even Poly Sexual, aka Poly Swing. Or even a Friends with Benefits kind of Relationship. For my understanding and experience is that Poly is a basically generic term, that signifies Multi-Partner Realting on an Honest Open Level. But it is the PPL involved in the Relationship(s) that Define What & How Their Relationship(s) are configured. None necessarily right or wrong. The best way to have a Poly Relationship with another person is to find those who have the same Interests, Goals, Expectations, etc as You do. As well as Respect for for Eachother's Lives, and any Pre-Existing Relationship(s). Poly BDSM seems to be a bit more difficult to understand and work with. I think this is primarily because of PPL Trying to mix the Monogamous PPL with the Non-Monogamous PPL....which most times never works. One cannot expect a fundamentally Monogamous Person to Change. Nor a fundamentally Non-Monogamous Person to Change. What Everyone *should* be able to get out of it; That Poly is extending not ending Relationship(s). Poly *should* create more Love in a persons Life. And options for experiencing that Love with those whom one develops Relationship(s) with. In an Open Honest way between All Partner(s). I hope this helps some? 000-304-501 13 Mar 08, 8:59 AM 000-304-501 US, 7 yrs Y! deb0rah wrote: Michael_X wrote: At the same time I am saying hey, it's alright for you two, you get to have fun, no kids around, practise control where the real world doesnt intrude as much and have sex ... I get? Pretty damned selfish but it is also very honest. Debs I don't think it is "selfish" to want the same Quality of Time, Play, and Attention, your *M* gives His other. Have you talked with your *M* about your thoughts and feelings on this? Maybe He could arrange for the other to watch the Children, and deal with the Real World for a bit, on a regular basis, so Ya'll can have Quality Time Together also? Even mix sessions a bit from time to time <G>. Other should share in the Responsibilities, not just the fun. I'd be sad too. Just my thoughts for some suggestions to make things more balanced. 000-304-501 13 Mar 08, 11:48 AM 487-312-778 FR, 4 yrs poly is for me the real sex live, you fuck with male and female, as you want, you are able to find joy with any body you are in feelling witout shame taboo, ,this the sex way of adults people,well minded who live with out inhibitions. Julia julia,travesti d'intérieur,bi tatoué et piercé,célibataire de 60ans soumis,recherche rencontre bdsm et sexe :trio couple ,voire femme pour rencontre en perspective de couple bdsm 13 Mar 08, 8:54 PM ravenkaldera US(MA), 6 yrs In the growing American poly demographic, a language and culture is starting to sprout. One of the new terms that has been invented and is going around is "compersion". Compersion was invented as a term for what could be roughly considered the opposite of jealousy. It has been described as "knowing that your partner is getting it on with their other partner down the hall, and feeling nothing but happiness that your partner is having a wonderful time". So that is, ideally, what one gets out of one's lover's polyamory: the knowledge that they are getting their needs met, are having a great time, and are generally happier for this being in their life. One would assume that one would like to see one's beloved happy in all possible ways, yes? I would assume that would go especially for those whose submissive lives center entirely around one's beloved. Of course, in order to achieve compersion, you have to first be able to look at your own needs and figure out which aren't getting met. Some you may be able to get your partner to help meet ("I really need for there to be one sexual activity which is special for us") and some you will probably have to work on purging. The big demons in the latter category are usually social programming. We are told, by our culture, that sex is the coin in which we are paid to show how much a lover cares about us and is committed to us. In polyamory, that coin doesn't have that value any more (which means that it tends to become time and attention spent instead), and people often have to go about deconstructing that social/mental construction. One also has to give up on the Cinderella/nuclear family/people in pairs like shoes and socks romantic myth. As in, give up on it entirely. Kiss it goodbye. Let it go. Mourn it. Have a funeral for it, scream and cry and bury the fucker. Realize it for the social construction that it is, realize its purpose in being constructed, and that you do not need it. Acknowledge also how much of a hold it has over you, from the little girl in the bride gown pretending to get married and live monogamously ever after to the mystique of "going steady". Then, when you're done mourning it and you've uncrossed your fingers behind your back (where you've been pretending that you didn't really need to let it go), start thinking about what Love really is. Look at your relationship and say, "Is there enough love here to make it work even without that dream?" You'll probably be surprised. Then find yourself a new coin and ask your lover to pay you in that. Time and attention? Special privileges? What says "primary" to you that isn't bound up with monogamy? Stretch your thinking. Then, when all this is done, you can start to work on compersion - see how happy it makes your beloved to have both of you. Not her, not you - both of you. Love it because it makes him so happy. This is the only road out of that hell that I know of. -Raven Kaldera 13 Mar 08, 10:02 PM Michael_X UK, 6 yrs ravenkaldera wrote: One of the new terms that has been invented and is going around is "compersion". I've also heard it termed frubble, that word to me has a more pleasant sound. - Michael 23 May 08, 2:15 AM dorothy US, 4 yrs Y! ravenkaldera wrote: So that is, ideally, what one gets out of one's lover's polyamory: the knowledge that they are getting their needs met, are having a great time, and are generally happier for this being in their life. One would assume that one would like to see one's beloved happy in all possible ways, yes? I would assume that would go especially for those whose submissive lives center entirely around one's beloved. This is the only road out of that hell that I know of. -Raven Kaldera Help! This slave not jealous of my 'first' Master's time, because He is here all the time. Every evening this slave is permitted to pour His drink, fix His meal, fetch His shoes. Master S cannot be here 24/7 yet, so this slave is struggling with jealousy when They talk without her. But, jealousy against the first Master??? This slave knows what is needed, but time, and struggles of Master S' life, will not allow it. This slave aches to serve Master S, as it so joyously serves Master Wizard. It is very difficult to wait and see if this will happen with Master S. His property, His body, His mind.