This page sponsored by Madame S, San Francisco    [other banners]

	TSR : Web boards : Internal Enslavement : "Power Exchange - a way to avoid disappointment?" Power Exchange - a way to avoid disappointment? (3) This post is on the Internal Enslavement web board. Sun 24 Feb 08, 5:53 PM Avvys_nytefyre US(WA), 4 yrs Y! Sometimes ignorance is a blessing - yet for me it - ignorance creates a vulnerability which i find myself less than willing to spend much time with. Many of the topics on the discussion boards are fascinating and i find very educating - yet i have a very basic question that may have been asked a hundred times - yet i will ask again... How does one know if she is using submission as a way of negating the responsibilities of her own life? A way of avoiding disappointment and failure by placing the responsibility of decisions on Another? Disappointment - the word i dislike the most... It's hard to be disappointed - but even more so - i dislike the feeling that i have disappointed another - that i have dropped the ball, failed to do what was expected.... the look on the face, or the shake of the head... the worse punishment in the world for me is telling me You are disappointed in me or in my actions... that is why my expectations of my self are so high - because when i exceed others expectations then it is only myself i disappoint if things don't work out the way i had planned... i believe this is partly why i am so attracted to pain - physical pain that is - when it is done right - it excites me - brings me so much pleasure - all because i have the ability to control it - to feel it fully - to find myself in it - yet the more intense it becomes the less my ability to control it becomes - it's like a wave building - when it peaks - i am no longer in control and am finally able to be free - it's in then that i find the peace - The paradox if You will - i'm a control freak - always in control - i don't want to be - yet i don't know how not to be - it can be so exhausting - that is what is in the power exchange for me - when i submit - it is with trust that i am willingly giving the control of myself to Another - willingly asking to taken to that place where i no longer fight for control, where i am finally able to surrender and just be i don't have words beyond these to express the longing i have inside - yet i have hope some may understand what i am saying - my greatest fear is that i will once again "top out" 26 Feb 08, 11:05 AM deb0rah UK, 10 yrs We are all human, none of us are the best at anything or the worst. We all have expectations and sometimes they are met and other times they are not. It is quite a big step in life to realise it is OK to fail, be disappointed or cause disappointment. The question is what do you do with that? You mention negating responsibility preceded with vulnerability over ignorance. It amazes me how many properties/slaves (use what title you like) are almost control freaks who need to be in full possession of the facts to let go almost. To allow yourself to let go will create a huge vulnerability, but it will also cause you the most pleasure if TPE is what you want to achieve. If something is going to hurt me, I tend to push it away or create an issue where the person will leave or be forced out so as to avoid the hurt. It doesn't though. You still get hurt, the twisted psyche just seems to deal with the fact that there was some control over what happened. I build walls and make sure I am safe as its OK to hide in my world in my place as I am less vulnerable. I have to cope, I am the coper, that has been a long term role. I feel the issue becomes one of you sorting yourself out before you enter a TPE relationship. Most people have baggage and have issues, they vary from person to person, but if you keep those walls up and remain impenetrable you wont allow the person who can keep you safe by building their walls around you, to do so. You end up being unhappy and questioning. With regards to someone giving up responsibility there is an element of that within me. I have said I am the coper and at times I do want to walk from that, I see no problem with that. If I can mix that with someone who then wants to take the responsibility and will happily do so as that is what's right for them, its a win win as both sides of need compliment the other. It works like an intricate dance. Within that dance there has to be a lead and a follower, it wont work otherwise and if you step tentatively and cautiously you never quite finish each movement. You have to let go in their arms and trust that they will catch you or lead you and that's when its exhilarating to be part of or to watch. It weaves its patterns across the floor like magic and you can get lost in that intimate world. Of course to be less then fanciful, the basics apply! You have to be able to be fit enough and work at it and the same goes for a TPE relationship. It takes work and communication and it may fail and fall, again the question inst when it will happen its what will I do when it does? Step up. Debs xx "Woman in her greatest perfection was made to serve and obey man." John Knox Edited 26 Feb 08, 11:06 AM by deb0rah 27 Feb 08, 3:16 AM Master_David1965 US(CA), 5 yrs Very well said. Wow. deb0rah wrote: We are all human, none of us are the best at anything or the worst. We all have expectations and sometimes they are met and other times they are not. It is quite a big step in life to realise it is OK to fail, be disappointed or cause disappointment. The question is what do you do with that? You mention negating responsibility preceded with vulnerability over ignorance. It amazes me how many properties/slaves (use what title you like) are almost control freaks who need to be in full possession of the facts to let go almost. To allow yourself to let go will create a huge vulnerability, but it will also cause you the most pleasure if TPE is what you want to achieve. If something is going to hurt me, I tend to push it away or create an issue where the person will leave or be forced out so as to avoid the hurt. It doesn't though. You still get hurt, the twisted psyche just seems to deal with the fact that there was some control over what happened. I build walls and make sure I am safe as its OK to hide in my world in my place as I am less vulnerable. I have to cope, I am the coper, that has been a long term role. I feel the issue becomes one of you sorting yourself out before you enter a TPE relationship. Most people have baggage and have issues, they vary from person to person, but if you keep those walls up and remain impenetrable you wont allow the person who can keep you safe by building their walls around you, to do so. You end up being unhappy and questioning. With regards to someone giving up responsibility there is an element of that within me. I have said I am the coper and at times I do want to walk from that, I see no problem with that. If I can mix that with someone who then wants to take the responsibility and will happily do so as that is what's right for them, its a win win as both sides of need compliment the other. It works like an intricate dance. Within that dance there has to be a lead and a follower, it wont work otherwise and if you step tentatively and cautiously you never quite finish each movement. You have to let go in their arms and trust that they will catch you or lead you and that's when its exhilarating to be part of or to watch. It weaves its patterns across the floor like magic and you can get lost in that intimate world. Of course to be less then fanciful, the basics apply! You have to be able to be fit enough and work at it and the same goes for a TPE relationship. It takes work and communication and it may fail and fall, again the question inst when it will happen its what will I do when it does? Step up. Debs xx Don't tell Me what I can't do. Instead, show Me what is available to Me and I will embrace all that I can with all that I have. 27 Feb 08, 1:34 PM deb0rah UK, 10 yrs Master_David1965 wrote: Very well said. Wow. Thank you x debs x "Woman in her greatest perfection was made to serve and obey man." John Knox