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	TSR : Web boards : Internal Enslavement : "Submission and Dominance." Submission and Dominance. (4) This post is on the Internal Enslavement web board. Tue 12 Feb 08, 10:57 PM 741-498-880 4 yrs With all the latest threads really, I just wanted to post a thread to discuss this... I think that if one person really wants it, and is trying to coerce the other person into doing it (usually the sub/wannabe slave trying to convince a partner to be Dominant.) it doesn't work... If you want them to do it, you have to make it easy on them so they get something out of it.. if you want to be broken, and coerced and forced into your submission, you need to seek someone out who wants that kind of relationship... A dominant has to get something out of the relationship too, if they are doing it because the other person wants it, you had better damn well make it worth their while, or it won't work long term.... What I find ironic about this, is when you are a slave, the theory is the Dominant gets something out of it, but if you have a Dominant who's being begged into that role, you have to make it worth his while so he enjoys it... if he doesn't enjoy it, why would he (or she) want to do it??? Its about pleasing your Master, it is about, being submissive, and if your in a relationship where the person doesn't want the struggle, or the fight, or doesn't enjoy any type of "breaking" or "molding" their property, you have to make it easy on them.... You have to do a lot of the work yourself and let them reap the benefit and reward... this would most likely help them enjoy that role more... If your partner cannot be the Dominant you want, why not seek it elsewhere? Edited Tue 12 Feb 08, 10:59 PM by 741-498-880 12 Feb 08, 11:13 PM Life_of_Vassalage US(MI), 4 yrs jakesemma wrote: Submission and Dominance. With all the latest threads really, I just wanted to post a thread to discuss this... I think that if one person really wants it, and is trying to coerce the other person into doing it (usually the sub/wannabe slave trying to convince a partner to be Dominant.) it doesn't work... If you want them to do it, you have to make it easy on them so they get something out of it.. if you want to be broken, and coerced and forced into your submission, you need to seek someone out who wants that kind of relationship... A dominant has to get something out of the relationship too, if they are doing it because the other person wants it, you had better damn well make it worth their while, or it won't work long term.... What I find ironic about this, is when you are a slave, the theory is the Dominant gets something out of it, but if you have a Dominant who's being begged into that role, you have to make it worth his while so he enjoys it... if he doesn't enjoy it, why would he (or she) want to do it??? Its about pleasing your Master, it is about, being submissive, and if your in a relationship where the person doesn't want the struggle, or the fight, or doesn't enjoy any type of "breaking" or "molding" their property, you have to make it easy on them.... You have to do a lot of the work yourself and let them reap the benefit and reward... this would most likely help them enjoy that role more... If your partner cannot be the Dominant you want, why not seek it elsewhere? There are many reasons to not seek someone else....my personal reason (if I were to need one) is love. I can't imagine being without Brandon. If I have to work harder to make him happy, then so be it. I can't force him to dominate me MORE per se, but I can/will do things to make it simpler for him. I also agree with you....why NOT seek it elsewhere? If it has to be forced to such a degree that you are both miserable there is no point. People don't change no matter how hard you try unless they recognize it and change it themselves. If someone isn't getting the fufillment they deserve then I say seek away...... To see the world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wildflower, hold infinity in the palm of your hands, and eternity in an hour. -William Blake 12 Feb 08, 11:30 PM SixThreeFive SE, 5 yrs I begged my Husband for this. He really hasn't got a need to control or micromanage. To him this means that there's a bunch of stuff that he prefers, that will or will not happen as appropriate. It also means he doesn't have to overly concern himself with caring about my opinion. I pointed out to him, in the begining, that our relation has always been that of Mentor/student, Terapist/patient, Lord/servant. Then it went to hell from there, and a year and half later, we're just getting back on track again. He's in control, he leads and I follow. At some points I've contemplated leaving and looking for someone who will do things my way. But that's not what I really want, is it? Besides, I don't have the ability to leave, mentaly or physically, so... Edit: I didn't have a point. Apologies. Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. -- Dale Carnegie Edited 12 Feb 08, 11:32 PM by SixThreeFive 13 Feb 08, 1:03 AM luna_lux US, 4 yrs Y! jakesemma wrote: Submission and Dominance. <snip of some really nice pointed stuff> If your partner cannot be the Dominant you want, why not seek it elsewhere? we've all ended up at one point in our lives sort of attached or with or whatever, with someone who wasn't the right match for us. that's not specific to M/s, or bdsm - that's any flavor. we stay with people that aren't good for us for a lot of reasons: history, comfort zone, financial obligations, children, companionship, and the worst of it, fear. i consider myself one of the lucky ones. my last D/s relationship, a long term one, ended abruptly, violently, and not by my own choice. looking back on it now, despite the trauma, i can say that it was one of the best things that happened to me, because we were a bad match - both from a vanilla and a D/s perspective. i was not in a position to be able to exit under my own steam, which is why i stayed. now, i feel like i have a second chance to do it better. i know a ton more about what kind of M-type i need (not want - a huge difference). so i won't be shortchanging myself, or him, because of that. you're absolutely right - it's a recipe for disaster. Edited 13 Feb 08, 1:04 AM by luna_lux 13 Feb 08, 1:58 PM 741-498-880 4 yrs luna_lux wrote: jakesemma wrote: Submission and Dominance. <snip of some really nice pointed stuff> If your partner cannot be the Dominant you want, why not seek it elsewhere? we've all ended up at one point in our lives sort of attached or with or whatever, with someone who wasn't the right match for us. that's not specific to M/s, or bdsm - that's any flavor. we stay with people that aren't good for us for a lot of reasons: history, comfort zone, financial obligations, children, companionship, and the worst of it, fear. i consider myself one of the lucky ones. my last D/s relationship, a long term one, ended abruptly, violently, and not by my own choice. looking back on it now, despite the trauma, i can say that it was one of the best things that happened to me, because we were a bad match - both from a vanilla and a D/s perspective. i was not in a position to be able to exit under my own steam, which is why i stayed. now, i feel like i have a second chance to do it better. i know a ton more about what kind of M-type i need (not want - a huge difference). so i won't be shortchanging myself, or him, because of that. you're absolutely right - it's a recipe for disaster. Sometimes the best lessons in life are the unexpected ones that hit us out of the blue. I think its awesome that you learned the difference between want and needs... and won't settle for less than you deserve, or less than a your potential Dominant deserves. I think if you go into a relationship expecting to change the other person it is a mistake, unless the person wants to change, the only person you can really change is yourself... (sort of like leading a horse to water but not being able to force it to drink, though technically I think slaves could be forced to drink, but it might be messy LOL)