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	TSR : Web boards : Internal Enslavement : "Struggling with Slavery." 1 2 3 4 Struggling with Slavery. (37) This post is on the Internal Enslavement web board. Tue 29 Jan 08, 9:22 PM Lyralli 4 yrs I have been having a little difficulty lately with myself and my submission. If you were to meet me in a non-BDSM setting, I'm very sure that I would come across as an independent, outgoing person. I have a natural tendency to lead when there is no one more capable around me, and I do well when leading. I believe strongly in equality of the sexes, and if someone attempts to force me into something I am not obligated to do or that I do not want to do, I can be very stubborn. I am very opinionated, though not narrow-minded. I can also be a very submissive person, if a person can display a dominance that I respect. Particularly with men, I have a strong desire to submit to and care for them. Not so much with brutish males for whom I have no respect, or weak people. If I'm not careful, I can be manipulative with them. Since before I knew what BDSM was, even as a very young child, I have always wanted to be a slave. Always. I tend to be drawn towards TPE relationships. Having these facets to my personality can be very confusing, and I hope I'm not the only sub who experiences them. Subs, do you have any 'dominant' traits, and do they conflict with your submission? Doms, do you ever have any submissive traits? How do they manifest themselves? I experienced several vanilla encounters lately, and I found them lacking. But the side of me that detests every sexist, bullying male or even every weak female who allows herself to be walked all over and abused (and doesn't enjoy it or want it), that side, looks at my own love of slavery and asks me "What's wrong with you, you sick fuck?" How did you all come to accept your sub-isms or Dom-isms? Was it difficult? Deal with any social stigmas? Thank you, ~L. 29 Jan 08, 9:30 PM 741-498-880 4 yrs You sound like you are describing me and my personality... I relate to everything you just said. It also takes a well matched Master to be your counter balance and other half. I needed a man who I couldn't walk all over or manipulate or abuse, I needed a man that deserved AND demanded my respect, but still had compassion and love.... (and they told me it only existed in fairly tales!) You are not alone. if you ever feel like chatting im jakeskajira on yahoo. Edit : I would write more to expand but I am currently under the influence of a very severe migrane headach and can't think straight. Edited 29 Jan 08, 9:49 PM by 741-498-880 29 Jan 08, 10:23 PM slave_tink 4 yrs i tend to find myself topping from the bottom. i was a Top to my ex with out having defined that by either of us. i have some very dominate traits and i try to control them. i havent always had much luck with that and i find myself nursing a sore bottom for it but it has changed dramatically. 29 Jan 08, 10:35 PM luna_lux US, 4 yrs Y! good lord. yes. i think you'll find a lot of submissive women are incredibly strong individuals, and have zero interest in submitting to someone they haven't chosen carefully. personally, i've had quite a path coming to terms with who i am, even though i've been hacking away at some version of bdsm for decades. i just didn't want to recognize the truth of it - and happily for you, it seems like you've reached some good conclusions about yourself early. that's wonderful - lots of us took a lot longer. but you're not done yet - i can guarantee that the experiences you have yet to come will continue to shape you. am i dominant otherwise? yes and no. yes, when i have to be, when being otherwise would be detrimental to my overall happiness and well-being. no, because i've chosen a path in life that tries to de-emphasize control over anyone else. i'm the boss at work, but am considered to have a "coaching" style, for example. hope that helps. 29 Jan 08, 11:34 PM 000-380-949 UK, 12 yrs The short reply to this is yes, I've felt like that, I am a very strong person, am smart, very instinctive and always seemed to be able to stay two steps ahead of people, not on purpose, just was, so much so that I ultimately felt like I was in control no matter how in depth my actual submission was...that all faded when I finally met someone who is stronger than, and smarter still, just as instinctive and can stay two steps ahead of me for the first time ever - something I'd never known before and it quite simply stopped me in my tracks to the point I simply melt. It was as if I was finally 'able' to be me “Nothing is ever the same as they said it was. It's what I've never seen before that I recognise.” Diane Arbus. Edited 29 Jan 08, 11:38 PM by 000-380-949 29 Jan 08, 11:50 PM sisterhoney61 4 yrs Yes, I understand where you are coming from. If someone was to meet me and not recognize my collar for what it is, they would not know that I was a sub. While I don't see myself as a leader, I am not a follower either. I'm one of those people who marches to my own drummer. I am headstrong and very stubborn and I do what I want to do, when I want to do it. I speak my own mind, often. I have been told by others that I am not "submissive enough." I am not a brat, by any means. While I am speaking to Dom/mes I am polite and respectful, but I kowtow to no one. Master appreciates me and respects me for who and what I am and as far as He is concerned, I am definitely submissive enough. I was in a vanilla marriage for almost 10 years and was a complete doormat then. Never again! There is a difference between being a doormat and a submissive and between being high spirited (for lack of a better term) and a brat. As long as Master is happy with the way I am, then I am happy. ~~sisterhoney~~ "Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves." 30 Jan 08, 12:04 AM Lyralli 4 yrs It is encouraging to hear from all of you. I recently told myself that I would watch my interactions with people, and see how they might relate to BDSM. Today, I had to take control of a musical group in which I'm the most experienced and most trained, because things became unfocused. The ease with which I gave polite 'orders' and the respect I've earned for both the position fo authority I'm in and my musical skill was a little unsettling to me. Those I instruct seem very submissive to me, which is a new sort of sensation that I don't much like. In contrast, on Saturday I went to an Honor Choir all-day event at a local University. It was led by a very well respected Choir director there, whom I've previously met. (Really, this story has a point.) He's my vocal coach's coach. The man is amazing, not only with his skill and knowledge but his ability to command attention and obedience. He is of no very striking stature, being somewhere around 5'5", with no very remarkable features. He simply drips confidance and ease and power. He quieted a room full of 200 or so 'divas' (Half of whom were men) with a simple glance. The slightest look of dissaproval had us scrambling to please him, to sing stronger, louder, clearer. I melted. It simply takes a certain something to get me to obey, that's all. For a long time, I felt that I would never find someone who could have any Mastery over me. I can only hope that there are more 5'5", pudgy choir directors in the world. He proved me wrong. Silly story, I know. 30 Jan 08, 12:06 AM kaleah US, 4 yrs I can totally relate to this! In fact my Master just had to punish me today for this very reason. I am having difficulty dealing w/h my own traits right now that get in the way of my being the best slave that I can be. I tend to be "loose" at the mouth and say things that get me punished. I am trying so hard right now to look at these things that are w/h in me, and try to work them into being a slave and how they can be benificial in that manner to me.I do understand where you are coming from, and I hope you figure things out.I am kaleah...Master Eros kajira.If you ever want to talk, I will be here. *~kaleah~* 30 Jan 08, 12:32 AM 770-326-260 US, 5 yrs Ditto for me! Is it a secret that it takes a certain type of strength to be a slave? i thought that this was a fairly well known and accepted fact. i am not generally submissive. The only people i am submissive to is my Master (and not always but We're working on it), My parents (somewhat in a different way, of course) and the judges before whom i appear (always and in a very similar submissive stance as with my Master in some important ways). Otherwise, i'm pretty much hell on wheels, a horrible know-it-all and rather hard to take in large or frequent doses. i am a natural leader and organizer and will push and push myself and others towards whatever goal. i don't know the word "impossible." I don't give myself room for excuses. i'm thinking of the thread where the slave lost her bracelet. my way of thinking is that if i lost the bracelet, it is because i wanted to lose it. While i'm rather hard on myself, i am also hard on others. Many times i believe that people (including myself) can perform better, work harder, be more honest, be fairer, be more transparent, etc., than they are. i am thoroughly amazed that Master hasn't strangled me yet... i will be surprised to find a slave who says that they let everyone walk all over them and that they are submissive to everyone. i'll be interested to see. slave margo 30 Jan 08, 12:50 AM 681-671-077 5 yrs i am extremely headstrong, independent, and Dominant in the right situations. at work, i'm a Department Head and am responsible for infection control and education for an entire facility; i also work as the RN supervisor for the facility as needed. i also can be sarcastic, icily polite to the point of making cutting remarks, and am intelligent enough to know it. i also tend to open mouth, insert foot, and generally find ways to get into trouble. that said, i submit to my Master because of who He is, not because He says He's a Dominant/Master. He matches me, and has found ways to curb the abovee in our relationship. at the same time, He allows me a certain amount of freedom to express myself. i couldn't submit to just anyone and it would have to be someone strong enough to handle me. i know that. frankly, the submissives and slaves i tend to hang out with and tend to really like are strong, intelligent individuals who know what they're getting into and crave being a slave to the right individual. on a side note, most of their Masters and Mistresses are people i'd submit to without question. i think that's because i like them, trust them, and respect them and they inspire obedience and submission in me. "It is never too late to be what you might have been." George Eliot. Owned and collared by Ropeany1 30 Jan 08, 3:47 AM 336-743-753 US, 4 yrs ...it's nice to see so many 'strong' submissives and slaves being so open. i, too, am very independent, commanding and a bit controlling. i've always been that was...it has served me well professionally, but has been more of a challenge personally. i agree, it takes a very strong Master to want, teach, train, respect, support subs/slaves like us. But they are out there, i have found mine... Next page