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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "explaining the Dom/sub dynamic" explaining the Dom/sub dynamic (7) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Mon 31 Dec 07, 9:14 PM 324-548-100 US, 4 yrs i have a kinky vanilla friend who has been dissatisfied with relationships for a while now. i really want to explain to him the freedom i feel as a sub and how happy i make those i serve. i have just been at a loss for words. i just cant seem to adequately convey how happy it makes me or why. Please if anyone could take the time to help me with this is would be very greatful. i know no one can speak for me personally but the posts here are so well written and many times ring so true in my ears. thank you in andvance for your time, and happy new year. 31 Dec 07, 10:05 PM DaS_13 US, 4 yrs Hello! Well, first of all, I would try to make sure that he will not give you problems over your lifestyle. Such as trying to cause a law problem (some people do not get the love and trust in M/s relationships) or simply a problem for you two. After that, depending on the type of person you are, you can try to hint around about it. If you like to joke, maybe give a little laugh over something and say "Wouldn't it be great if you had a slave to do anything you wanted?" or "It'd be so cool to have someone serve you drinks in your home, wouldn't it?" etc. If they react positively, then maybe start out slow. Tell them that you are a submissive. Or a slave. Some people still have bad images when the word slave is brought up, so again, it depends on the type of person your friend is as well. If they ask what you mean, start to tell them that you have someone you serve. And how much joy it brings you to get them drinks, or to follow their commands. Tell them a funny story about it or simply how much it means to you and your Dom/me. And if you are a "right out there" person (that's me :P) simply tell them straight out "Um... I'm a slave. Not sure if you know what I mean, but let me tell you a bit about it. It may be for you" Whatever you do, use your own guidance of yourself and your friend. Possibly also ask your Dom/me for his/her advice. Good luck! And have a great New Years ^_^ Owner of Clover - Slave number: 465-186-919. 1 Jan 08, 5:24 PM thekittenpup 4 yrs Perhaps if you could list out a few questions/subjects that are giving you the most problems, at least this pet would be willing to jot down some of her thoughts/explanations etc to help you organize yours. Please feel free to memo pet or even IM her on yahoo and she would love to discuss dynamics. pet believes education, even one person at a time is extremely important. *curled up at her Master's feet* ~~~~ Master reads and pre-approves every post this pet makes. He will deny and/or completely remove and and all posting rights as He sees fit. ~~~~ 2 Jan 08, 12:02 AM 324-548-100 US, 4 yrs He already knows i am a slave and have been in service before to a Master. i just cant find the words to explain to him that this isnt just kinky sex. i try to convey the feelings of freedom and closeness i get from serving but it just falls short. i was hoping that someone who has been in this longer has come across this situation before, and found an effective way of explaining it. thanks 2 Jan 08, 2:09 AM LillyMoon UK, 6 yrs 324-548-100 wrote: He already knows i am a slave and have been in service before to a Master. i just cant find the words to explain to him that this isnt just kinky sex. i try to convey the feelings of freedom and closeness i get from serving but it just falls short. i was hoping that someone who has been in this longer has come across this situation before, and found an effective way of explaining it. thanks From what you wrote above and in your first post.... "i really want to explain to him the freedom i feel as a sub and how happy i make those i serve." "i just cant seem to adequately convey how happy it makes me or why." ....I think you have done a lovely job of putting the feeling of happiness and contentment in to words. Just start with that and answer his questions openly...if you are seen to be happy, relaxed, and contented, while you talk of your lifestyle choices then that in itself is often better than a thousand words. Good luck 2 Jan 08, 2:46 AM 347-305-353 4 yrs I'm afraid I have never been in a D/s relationship, as I only became seriously interested in the concept a few months ago and am still single, but I can tell you what I hope and expect to get out of a D/s relationship. I write erotica now and then, mostly on a D/s theme; perhaps that has helped me understand (or maybe I'm way off.) I'll write from a F/m perspective since that's what I know most; whether it applies in an M/f situation I can't say. I know that relationships vary in how important a Domme considers helping Her submissive understand and accept of Her decisions, but no matter the case, a home runs much more smoothly when one capable, considerate Person is in control. I personally would rather do what She wishes all the time than run the risk of putting Her through something She dislikes, especially since this builds a very toxic atmosphere or non-communication and mistrust. I may be told how to make my Partner happy, to the extent that She knows it Herself, and I know that I am happy when I please Her completely. In short, a relationship may achieve harmony through Dominance and submission. The situation of power in which the Domme is placed requires a higher level of trust, intimacy, and communication between Her and her submissive. There's a much deeper connection and necessarily stronger loyalty and faithfulness (I presume). Finally, there's a guarantee (or at least a higher level/chance) of acceptance of E/each partner and Her or his idiosyncrasies, thoughts, and desires, and there's no need to hide any part oneself from one's Partner. (It's actually destructive to withhold a part of yourself, which is virtually a polar opposite, in my mind, to how vanilla relationships may work; if you expose a new part of yourself in a vanilla relationship, you risk rejection rather than acceptance of this new part of you. If you tell your friend one thing from this post, I suggest you tell him that Dominant/submissive relationships are more trusting, intimate, and rewarding than many vanilla couples will ever experience. I have not considered slavery very seriously, so I don't feel I'm qualified to say anything about it; however, I presume that much of what I have said above applies to M/s relationships in addition to D/s. Have a good night! 2 Jan 08, 2:54 AM 324-548-100 US, 4 yrs Just start with that and answer his questions openly...if you are seen to be happy, relaxed, and contented, while you talk of your lifestyle choices then that in itself is often better than a thousand words. thank you. i think you are right. i will let him ask the questions and just answer them honestly and from the heart. thank you again Edited 2 Jan 08, 3:26 AM by 324-548-100 2 Jan 08, 3:16 AM Dsdove US(MN), 4 yrs I have found in trying to explain different things over the years that it helps to get the person to think of something in their life that reflects the feeling you are trying to describe. For example, ask him what he did for a partner in the past that made him feel really good (gave flowers, brought soup when sick, etc). Then tell him "That's how I feel every day that I serve my Master." People can really get hung up on not "understanding" when what you are trying to describe is a feeling. He's already felt the feeing you're trying to describe, it was just in a different setting. Good Luck! Master's sweet c