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	TSR : Web boards : Other Topics : "Happy Be-lated Anniversary to my Master, and my rededication to HIM" Happy Be-lated Anniversary to my Master, and my rededication to HIM (4) This post is on the Other Topics web board. Wed 12 Dec 07, 5:12 PM 631-535-398 US, 6 yrs Y! (moved from another topic to it's own thread) i've been dealing with quitting smoking, my mom having open heart surgery, her going on dialysis and being in severe depression. i already have severe depression and this is a bad time of the year for me, *self edited before i go into my sob story* Anyways i have to say thanks to Gavriel in another thread who said something about reactance that lit up such a bright bulb i could've powered the city with it. my Master while trying to help me through all this, has eased up and then not tightened down enough when i struggled. i'm still Owned by Him but the enternal enslavement has slipped some. He didn't want to break me though, with me being very suicidal (if not for Him i would have). W/we are needing to start right from the beginning again, though He says i still have a lot of it there just under the surface. Yesterday was O/our 2nd year Anniversary of Him collaring me. i fell apart thinking i didn't deserve His collar as i haven't been of much use to Him. He corrected me that i'm wrong in thinking that way. i guess this is off topic but i had to get it off my chest to the only people that i think would really understand. A little bit of the depression has left replaced by a panick on wether i can let go of some of the "power" over myself that i grabbed. i want to tell my Master here and publically, i will quit smoking with this pack (background quit for 6 weeks, started up quit, started quit....etc). i am rededicating all those decisions to You. i love You eternally my Master/Owner/Daddy :x Please take me and keep me and guide me, this girl will do her best by You. Happy Be-lated Anniversary, and Thank You from the bottom of my Heart for making my life worth living! slave giolla (pet) Love bites, love bleeds. It's bringing me to my knees. (GnR) Welcome to the jungle Watch it bring you to your knees, knees I wanna watch you bleed 12 Dec 07, 8:02 PM His_devada US, 5 yrs giolla, Congratulations to you and your Master on 2 years. What a truly wonderful accomplishment. 631-535-398 wrote: Happy Be-lated Anniversary to my Master, and my rededication to HIM (moved from another topic to it's own thread) i've been dealing with quitting smoking, my mom having open heart surgery, her going on dialysis and being in severe depression. i already have severe depression and this is a bad time of the year for me, *self edited before i go into my sob story* Anyways i have to say thanks to Gavriel in another thread who said something about reactance that lit up such a bright bulb i could've powered the city with it. my Master while trying to help me through all this, has eased up and then not tightened down enough when i struggled. i'm still Owned by Him but the enternal enslavement has slipped some. He didn't want to break me though, with me being very suicidal (if not for Him i would have). W/we are needing to start right from the beginning again, though He says i still have a lot of it there just under the surface. You are blessed with a master who obviously loves and cares for you very much. Sometimes it is confusing when Master loosens up the reigns--and it is easy to wonder if he is loosening his ownership over you and if you are being forced to Master yourself during that time. I am far from religious, but at times like that I think back to the old "Footprints in the Sand" poem. Though it may not be visible to a slave at the time--sometimes when it seems that her Master is letting go of control, thus making "only one set of footprints", she may come to find out that he was really carrying her. 631-535-398 wrote: Yesterday was O/our 2nd year Anniversary of Him collaring me. i fell apart thinking i didn't deserve His collar as i haven't been of much use to Him. He corrected me that i'm wrong in thinking that way. i guess this is off topic but i had to get it off my chest to the only people that i think would really understand. A little bit of the depression has left replaced by a panick on wether i can let go of some of the "power" over myself that i grabbed. i want to tell my Master here and publically, i will quit smoking with this pack (background quit for 6 weeks, started up quit, started quit....etc). i am rededicating all those decisions to You. i love You eternally my Master/Owner/Daddy :x Please take me and keep me and guide me, this girl will do her best by You. Happy Be-lated Anniversary, and Thank You from the bottom of my Heart for making my life worth living! slave giolla (pet) Sometimes we are harder on ourselves than our Masters could ever be. Take a breath, realize that you already know that this is a difficult time of year for you and just try to take it one day at a time. Good luck on quitting smoking (if you figure out how to do it, please let me know!!!) and I wish you & your master, Rolling Wildheart, a wonderful anniversary and a happy holiday season. {{Hugs}} His~devada Anyone can say "I'd die for you" because it is rarely tested, but I can honestly say that I live for you...and will prove it every day. 12 Dec 07, 8:27 PM submissiveheart US(NY), 6 yrs hi giolla, This is a difficult time of year for me too and for some reason I tend to fall apart every December. You got a lot on your plate but I agree with devada that you're probably doing better than you think. Wildheart has a wonderful sense of perception and if he is proud of you, then accept that as true. Both of you have offered so much support to me when I've been like WTF in my life and it is really appreciated. I hope my feedback makes you feel a teeny bit better. Note: there is another ownership blog written by a Dom and maybe a year ago his slave was quitting smoking and having a rough go of it. Just because ownership control slips up because of an addiction doesn't mean the control isn't there. This was the blog of a pretty dominant guy and if he had a tough time with his slave (and he never blamed her) then I think it shows that nicotine is pretty powerful stuff. In my health psychology studies, nicotine was shown to be as addictive as heroine (well, actually more so but the study wasn't comparing nicotine to all aspects of heroine, like that withdrawl is more dangerous with heroine). Previously "Sir's puppy." 12 Dec 07, 10:28 PM Rolling_Wildheart 6 yrs I just want to give a great big thank you to My pet for posting this this morning. It really made Me happy to see you give this kind of commitment to this. Also, I want to give great big hugs to devada and submissiveheart. Your responses are always so helpful to U/us, these above definitely not being exceptions. Wildheart Your suffering will be legendary, even in Hell - Pinhead from Hellraiser II 12 Dec 07, 10:59 PM 862-203-011 AU, 5 yrs What is it about December, all that bloody Christmas cheer? Or is it the muzak Christmas carols? If they cause reactive depression in this one, what do they do to people who are depressed. Stay strong giolla. You are smart, sensitive and loved by someone special. You are already ahead of a large chunk of the population Master's piece