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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "The D/s Closet" 1 2 3 4 The D/s Closet (31) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. 2 Jul 07, 7:44 PM deb0rah UK, 10 yrs Masque66 wrote: On a similar note, do you think Masters have an easier time with this than Slaves? I would expect it would be easier to accept someone being completely in charge than being completely subservient, especially to family, but I'm curious on other's opinions. I think there are a lot of people out there who would hear... "What, you like to hit women"? or " Wow, so you can make her do anything you want"? versus the essence behind the perceived kink. A lot of Masters have to deal with those kinds of responses and imagine the family of their property questioning why do you want to hit my daughter/sister etc? Debs xx "As darkness cascades shadows frolic eagerly tormenting me so. My longing for you grows fierce, breathlessly, I await you..." Debs xx 4 Jul 07, 12:15 PM DomainRuler US, 5 yrs Y! Masque66 wrote: The trouble is coexistence. No matter what your choice of lifestyle you have to live with the people around you. And people are, by nature, judgemental. And that is my point exactly. People are judgemental. Why should they be? I let everyone know. Let the first person pass judgement on me and I will find something in their life I don't like and give it back to them until they get the point. But I am a dominant personality 24/7 so I find ways to make people "submit" to me. Masque66 wrote: On a similar note, do you think Masters have an easier time with this than Slaves? I would expect it would be easier to accept someone being completely in charge than being completely subservient, especially to family, but I'm curious on other's opinions. It is not easier for Masters as people view either side of the coin as being wrong or not acceptable. 4 Jul 07, 12:16 PM DomainRuler US, 5 yrs Y! ukks_deb0rah wrote: I think there are a lot of people out there who would hear... "What, you like to hit women"? or " Wow, so you can make her do anything you want"? versus the essence behind the perceived kink. A lot of Masters have to deal with those kinds of responses and imagine the family of their property questioning why do you want to hit my daughter/sister etc? Debs xx Exactly. I have run into this with many people who don't get it. They think it is a way to get whatever they want with no responsibility. They don't realize the responsibility a Master has with a slave. 4 Jul 07, 3:18 PM 000-489-949 10 yrs Delurking once again, as I can not resist on this topic. I am a very long time foreigner in Taiwan, and my Master is in China. He and I are gay. For him, he can tell his son, his brother and sisters, and his friends that he owns a slave, but not that he uses the slave sexually. The only way that they see his owning a male slave as being odd is that in China now household slaves are female, for historical reasons. That would take too long to go into here to explain, but fits here as most slaves here on this forum are female. In any society no matter how people slice it there is something that must at times be protected from others. What I hope with what I wrote above is that you can appreciate the almost humorous arbitrariness of life. If this all were not so tragic on individual lives it would be a matter of humor. He and I are both going through hard times and have not been together for a year, which is another tale I may tell when I have more confidence here. There is much pain there, for male slaves feel pain too. 5 Jul 07, 7:25 PM Philipy 6 yrs isouda wrote: ukks_deb0rah wrote: I think there are a lot of people out there who would hear... "What, you like to hit women"? or " Wow, so you can make her do anything you want"? versus the essence behind the perceived kink. A lot of Masters have to deal with those kinds of responses and imagine the family of their property questioning why do you want to hit my daughter/sister etc? Debs xx I find it hard enough trying to explain my needs to people involved in BDSM - 'You like to be controlled 100% in all ways and in all things but aren't masochistic???' I can see the whole concept of the lifestyle I adore going over the heads of people who are supposed to understand and accept. The dreaded question 'but what do YOU get out of it then' is inevitable. So if BDSMers can't handle what I need why should I expect 'nilla's to 'get it' and what right do I have to expect people to accept MY reality when they are probably having enough trouble dealing with their own? issy I think both of you are absolutely right. You only have to look at the threads over on IC to see that, over and over again. For us, I have told nobody outside of the bdsm world about the nature of our relationship. For work colleagues and acquaintances I do NOT want anyone to think either 'kinky sex' or 'physical abuse', which is what at least 90% would respond with, and for family, I know they wouldn't understand at the best and would probably think either, "disgusting" and/or 'abuse' at worst. Maybe other peoples reactions and opinions shouldn't matter, but to me they do. susie, OTOH has a much more 'who cares' attitude, and has gone to the dentist wearing her wrist and ankle cuffs. Her doctor knows and has more than once told her she should be caged more, or whipped more, and on his last visit even brought a student with him! He evens refers to me as "Sir" when speaking to her. Postmen, tradesmen and casual callers all see her wearing her cuffs and chains whenever she opens the door. In the final analysis it comes down to the individual concerned and their knowledge of, or attitudes towards, those they are proposing to 'come out' to. Philip 5 Jul 07, 9:45 PM 284-213-544 5 yrs So far, only a couple of friends, who are also in the lifestyle know. My best female friend in California knows and is very accepting. My mom has passed away, almost 8 yrs now, and i think out of the two she would have understood more than my father would. My son, who is a teenager coming into his own sexuality, is accepting. He asks questions now and then, which i gladly answer; we can joke about certain things, but he still has some boundaries. It's funny that my son's best friend started to show signs of being a bit more sexually open than most of his peers. i offered to be a person he could ask questions about, show him where to find good, reliable information and formulate what he likes and dislikes from that. It proved helpful for him since his mother didn't even recognize that the soft leather keychain she had was a mini flogger and freaked out when i told her and she threw it at me saying,"OMG, keep it. Is it really that? OMG... I can't believe it." His stepfather is more accepting and a bit more open, but not sure if the son can openly discuss what he's been doing sexually. i am the type of person that isn't flashy or shows off anyway, so for me, i am more subtle to the outward signs of my slavehood. If someone asks, i tell them in ways that if they want to know specifics, i will tell them... if not, they get the general info, and no one gets too embarrassed. i'm currently under consideration of someone who lives far away from me and get to order a temporary collar within the next 2 weeks. This will be my first actual collar and outward sign of my status, i can't wait. 284-213-544 6 Jul 07, 12:04 AM nessa_B US, 4 yrs ElenaS wrote: Could anyone tell me about experiences coming out of the D/s closet? I haven't come out to family at all yet, but a couple vanilla friends know. I'm lucky in that most of my friends are either in the life, or lifestyle-friendly. Many don't understand the extent of how Master and I relate to each other, but they're all accepting of it. When Master and I first met and started on the road that would eventually lead me to begging His collar, I came out to one of my closest friends down here. I only have a few people I would call friends in this area. Anyway, he was really cool with it. He's very open and accepting. He's gay and has had interactions with leathermen, so it wasn't like I was springing an entirely alien lifestyle on him. More recently, I came out to my closest co-worker. She was also quite accepting. She openly admits she doesn't understand the SM side of it, but as I explain other protocols and things to her, she says she can understand the appeal. I may eventually come out to one or more of my siblings, but probably never to my parents. But one never knows. Wellwishes, nessa... Owned by Blacki 6 Jul 07, 3:27 AM 283-186-832 US(CO), 5 yrs Wow...there's really been a lot of different tales on this subject! I kept reading the posts, thinking i would find someone who would tell a story pretty much like mine, but not really. And yet, mine really isn't so different. Since i am only really beginning to even explore my BDSM urges, i haven't much felt like telling anyone about me yet. OTOH, there are two people who are close to me who know...my son (and i can't remember how it came about that i told him about it), and a long-time 'nilla friend who, it turns out, likes BDSM too. My son is accepting of it...actually thinks it's kind of cool. He doesn't get into it himself, but he has been aware that there are people who do for some time now, and finding out his mother is among them is just fine. I would have to say my mother already knows about me, as one time she walked in on me when i was a teenager. I was wearing headphones, imagining being the lucky gal that a Dom wanted to torment while blindfolding and the headphones. I was busy tying my ankles to the foot of the bed. I didn't even realize she was there until she threw a kitten at me. Her look was one of disgust, the usual reaction i get when i "fess up" to my kinky side. As for how she feels about it, i don't really care. She is my mother, and she gets the respect she is due for that, but her opinions of me have usually not been good. As for my co-workers, i work with truck drivers and mechanics, so i can talk about things hurting so good without worry that it will impact either my job or my standing in the community. I think they don't really believe me though, think i'm joking. It doesn't matter...i wasn't terribly interested in any of them anyway. For a while, i thought i had found an owner who was right for me, but upon getting the chance to actually meet him, we realized that our interests were too divergent to make it work in a long-term M/s relationship. Still, one of the things that attracted me to him was that he was not in a position where he needed to hide his kink. I knew i would not need to remember to keep a specific type of decorum around other people for the sake of his job, which is something that i think would be nice. No doubt most of us here think so. There have been others who knew about me, usually partners i had attempted to engage at least in bondage. For the most part, i would have to say they didn't take it very well, though one was fine with it as long as he didn't have to be a part of it. Sort of took the fun out of the idea. Like has been mentioned elsewhere, i don't really care what others think, but then i have nothing to lose in being open about my preferences. I don't see anything wrong with being what i am, and it isn't hurting anyone.(Not others anyway ) I guess i have spent so many years being unacceptable to most people closest to me that i could give a fig less what others think now. OTOH, i still have two kids who don't know about me, a sister, and a wealth of other relatives and friends. In truth, i doubt any of them would be particularly shocked, knowing me as they do, but i doubt any of them would actually like to talk about it, either. I don't really feel like i need to put it in their faces, but i was real darn glad to find out my friend is someone i can talk to about it. That's something i never had before, and it's very good to have it now. 283-186-832 6 Jul 07, 1:32 PM Natehi 5 yrs rowenjja wrote: ukks_deb0rah wrote: I am with you on this. I wear my Master's collar (which is heavy chainmaille, it is not at all subtle) at all times, unless I am going somewhere that it would be distinctly innapropriate (such as when taking my child to the Dr office). Master has given me a light necklace to wear as a secondary collar when I cannot wear my primary one. I have only had my collar commented on a few times - once by my hairstylist (who by his tone of voice knew precisely what it was) and once at the gas station while the lady at the next pump commented that I had a "pretty necklace". But that is the only outward sign. I don't see the societal pressure in coming out of the closet or discussing such things in mixed company, most especially your parents or your children. I for one am far the other way, as I don't think this is knowledge my child should EVER have of us. I don't see it as anyone else's business. I am not ashamed. But I don't need to flaunt it. I think a lot of the reason nobody comments on your collar is because its now a fashion necessity thanks to your punks and skater's. While I've never been collared I do happen to own six collars even a huge leather one with metal spikes...its the coolest thing ever!! 8 Jul 07, 8:22 AM little_linnet US, 6 yrs Wreckwium: would you say the same thing to a queer couple? I hope not. It can be crushingly uninvalidating (disinvalidating?) to have to hide the nature of one's relationship. My queer friends don't necessarily want to walk up to people at parties and say "Hi, my name is Lisa, and this is Rose: we like rimming and bondage and really big dildoes!" But they DO want to be able to introduce themselves at parties: "Hi, My name is Lisa, and this is my partner/wife/lover Rose." They want not to have to pretend that they're "friends" or roommates or cousins. They want the nature of their relationships acknowledged like everyone else's. I think the same applies for a lot of people in power exchange relationships. We don't want to tell the world our intimate sexual activities; we just long to have the nature of our relationships recognized and accepted because it is a huge part of who we are and how we live. Vanilla couples don't shout their private sexual proclivities to the world, but their relationships have social recognition as being validly structured. They don't ned to pretend to be something other than what they are: to pretend, for example, that the wife is submissive to the husband when actually the relationship is egalitarian. And often, those of us involved in M/s think wistfully of how wonderful it would be to have that recognition for our own relationships: to not have to pretend to be something WE'RE not. Krista Needing a new home: beautiful leather cuffs made by Sartan Of Treve. Like new! Memo for info. Next page