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	TSR : Web boards : Internal Enslavement : "Romance and M/s 24/7/366" 1 2 3 Romance and M/s 24/7/366 (29) This post is on the Internal Enslavement web board. 3 Feb 07, 7:49 PM Sluggo55555 US, 6 yrs Y! I have a long standing tradition of beating a girl bloody and senseless with a dozen thorny red roses for Valentines day. OK maybe I am hopeless 3 Feb 07, 9:58 PM mistydawn UK, 6 yrs I think it was wildheart who said it all depends on your definition of romance and how true that is. To the outside world we had the most wonderful relationship which our friends envied but although we had a fantastic friendship and I knew how much he loved me, to me the romance was missing and it was something I thought I desperately needed . I see romance as thinking of things to please the other, tokens large and small and most important of all of implicitly knowing the others needs and being there to make the other feel better. I believe I was quite good at this I was always finding ways to SHOW him I loved him, he was absolutely bloody crap. It was very slowly tearing me apart. Then we discovered M/s. New ways of doing things. New ways of looking at things; things didn't have to be equal anymore which released a lot of pressure. It makes it a lot easier when you don't expect the romance. Plus the new found intensity which came with M/s just makes every day romantic. My tummy and bits tingle most of the time from just living my life as his. W. has worked really hard to prove he understands me and for me to trust him enough to let him control my life. He's still crap at what I suppose is perceived as 'standard' romance i.e flowers etc. but he does know me inside out and he does make my world better and like Raven said the buzz of when he treats me in any way he wants and the fact that he has allowed me to become his slave as well as his wife is just the most romantic thing in the world. P.s. to my beloved Master, The above doesn't mean that I'm still not partial to the odd OTT romatic gedture, perhaps for example the huge nut filled chocolate heart which we saw tonight ??????????????? Misty --------------------------------------------------- 3 Feb 07, 10:30 PM submissiveheart US(NY), 6 yrs I think for many in the M/s world, if the Master has feelings for the slave then it is considered inappropriate and interferes with the power exchange. It also seems the most intense power exchange involving no limits imposed on the Master/Mistress results in the M feeling very possessive of the slave and if there is love, it is the love one has of a possession. I personally have gotten really confused about what this means. For instance, if the M possesses the heart of the slave then does the relationship involve a more human love? Being possessed and possessing is an intense and very satisfying exchange i think. It's something i've longed for all my life but never had words for. Yet, the feeling that this experience (which i don't desire to leave) could cost me a deep and true love has been heartbreaking because Sir thinks that having feelings for me lessens him as a Master. And he has admitted to having feelings for me beyond ownership--infatuation, love. Yet he's also redirected the relationship when that comes up in ways that are heart-breaking for me. It's like i have my heart's desire yet i don't. Or that M/s is not about love... This has been compounded when on a thread i felt jumped on for asking this. I think it is sufficient to say that there are many different kinds of M/s relationships and some involve love and some don't. I think what is particularly hard for people is when they feel invalidated in the depth of happiness in their experience by another's experience. As in "My Master/Mistress is soooo wonderful and he/she *really* loves me. Oh those poor sods that have eeeeevil M's that don't love them...." *sniff* Yeah, i can understand this pissing people off in relationships that aren't love-based and who are happy to be there. But then again it pisses me off when people far more experienced than me imply that what i'm looking for isn't M/s or that i'm seeking a symmetrical relationship (*sniff*) because i want emotional recognition (perish the thought). Here's my own *sniff* on that one. I also think romance can be ascribed to "vanilla" (and what the hell is vanilla anyway???) because it is connected with mainstream relationships. But there are many mainstream relationships that eschew romance as not a lasting form of love. Romance, like love, is a loaded term. They aren't really the same, are they? But M/s *can* be about love with an M who doesn't feel that it impedes the power exchange. It seems most M's don't feel comfortable or capable loving their slaves as people as well as possessions. But some do. And i don't think that if they do it means having to give up the absolute submission in the relationship. But to directly answer your question, i have felt very romantic toward Sir. I have surrendered my heart and soul--to me that is romance--and this is the first time so much of me has been accepted. He's also been a paternal figure to me which has its own romance because i'm not used to familial stuff. *Heart swells* Sir has also behaved in ways toward me that i have interpreted as romantic. He's bought me nice clothes, delicious meals. He spoils me and takes care of me in protective ways while happily extracting what he wants from me. Which i want to give. Sometimes i don't want to give it but then again, this is the first time my nature has been deeply recognized and utilized. Non-consent seems part of it and shows me that it is real. I'm glad he does that. I need it. But i need love too and apparently (thank the gods) needing love isn't inherently incompatible with M/s relationships. **I've learned all this quite recently be communicating with some cool slaves and Masters who know how i've struggled with this. I have a lot of thinking to do. Previously "submissiveheart" Edited 3 Feb 07, 11:05 PM by submissiveheart 4 Feb 07, 5:23 AM slvgrl49 US(CA), 5 yrs With the one I'm serving now, the romance exists. When we spend time togethe he is quite loving and adoring--especially if I am able to meet the goals and complete the tasks he sets for me in a timely and proficient way. I am also affectionate with him when we are lounging or hanging out. I often touch him gently, caress his face, run my fingers through his hair, and he loves it. There is romance in this gentle touching that is nourishing for both of us. [/quote] I'd rather have a "porn night" with some Chinese take-out and the house all to ourselves for a change. -- Joshua [/quote] Perhaps it's because I'm a wanton slut, but this is my idea of a romantic evening too...along with what I said above. 4 Feb 07, 5:34 AM little_linnet US, 6 yrs Sirs_puppy wrote: I think for many in the M/s world, if the Master has feelings for the slave then it is considered inappropriate and interferes with the power exchange. I don't think this is *as true* of people who have actually lived in real-life M/s relationships. Which is not to say that if someone's relationship is framed in terms of not involving emotional partnership, it's not "real" or whatever; just that of the actual M/s couples I've known of, every one of them has owners who loved their slaves very much, and none of them see this as compromising the power exchange at all. It also seems the most intense power exchange involving no limits imposed on the Master/Mistress results in the M feeling very possessive of the slave and if there is love, it is the love one has of a possession. I agree. It's definitely a "different" kind of love than the love described by most egalitarian couples I know. mistydawn wrote: I think it was wildheart who said it all depends on your definition of romance and how true that is. Yeah, good point, as we can see from this very thread there are a lot of different ideas about what "romance" means exactly and how it plays out in the day-to-day of a relationship. I love the gestures my master makes. But they don't seem like "romance" to me. They seem like grace, generosity, diplaying kindness and fondness for something he has power to make miserable or happy. They tell me a lot, I think, about what *kind* of person he is, but I don't think of them as "romantic" or as somehow being time off, or counterbalancing, his ownership of me. It's all one and the same. Just as love is an intrinsic part of our relationship and not something that has to be balanced with ownership, so is romance, I think. Valentine's day is coming up and I'm sure my master has something special planned. Since he's recently made a large order from the Stockroom, it'll probably involve some of those new goodies. And if I had to bet I'd bet on it involving me being humiliated horribly and tenderly, beaten lovingly till I scream and beg, and generally being a debauched trip into the S&M side of our relationship. For me, that *is* romance. I don't need or want for him to stop owning me periodically and bring me flowers and chocolate. The way he impresses his ownership of me on my mind and body is passion enough for me. Krista “I believe so,” Alice replied thoughtfully. “They have their tails in their mouths —- and they're all over crumbs.” Posting once a week: www.xanga.com/little_linnet 4 Feb 07, 2:12 PM MasterTyler US(OH), 6 yrs Y! tangie wrote: he didn't have to do something, but does it anyway to make his girl feel better--that's romantic. It's what's in the heart, not the head. And I certainly don't think that anyone owes me romance. That's what's so wonderful, when it happens on its own. Exactly. (My ephasis added) MasterTyler Visit www.FlightOfDragons.com Shop at www.CafePress.com/flightofdragons Read at http://blog.myspace.com/newenergyleather 4 Feb 07, 8:55 PM submissiveheart US(NY), 6 yrs tangie wrote: Sirs_puppy wrote: I think for many in the M/s world, if the Master has feelings for the slave then it is considered inappropriate and interferes with the power exchange. About 4 years ago, there was circulating around that if a dominant loved his submissive it would either end or damage the d/s relationship. There were cautionary tales of how "this couple got together and were fine, but when they (married, got engaged, moved in together, you name it) he fell in love with her and couldn't bring himself to continue XY or Z because he loved her too much. She became frustrated, and eventually strayed, and the relationship ended." What a load of crap. I never thought that, and still don't. I think that if a person is dominant, that in the natural course of things, there's no reason *I* can see why it would be detrimental to the relationship for him to love his submissive/slave. What I personally said (or at least tried to) was that if the submissive makes it a prerequisite for a dominant to love her before she can allow herself to become enslaved, that's when the power dynamic is compromised. And this is simply my own opinion, which means zip for anyone else. I don't know about anyone else, but I certainly do believe that love can take place in enslavement, I further believe that love is healthy and needed by many people. I love William. Period. I just don't need to hear the words back at me. Sir didn't love me at the point of enslavement and it definitely wasn't necessary for me to hear it (would have been nice though) to be enslaved. I loved him unconditionally. I still love him. But i have found that as things have deepened that i've needed reciprocation beyond just property love ("property love" happening this past summer, i believe). I've needed reciprocation from the standpoint of being Sir's person, not a thing. And i think i've had it too which is why he and this have been so, so special to me. This is a touchy point and i don't know how to explain it. I love being loved as property and i love loving as property. There is a "totally possessed" quality that feeds a deep yearning within me. But i also yearn for emotional recognition and i'm not getting it and frankly it sucks. From this pain, i have been gently told by other M's and slaves that it is out there and possible and that i'm not un-slavelike to need it... It is a need, NOT just a want (to be loved as a person--LOVED!). But just that Sir might not be the one to provide it because there are M's that don't feel it is appropriate to M/s (Sir apparently being one of those). Romance to me is a magical feeling and i definitely feel it in M/s. It's not just having nice clothes and meals and this paternal feeling from Sir. It's magic, pure and simple. It's being beat and having Sir stop because he can see it's a bit much for me. It's being beat and having Sir not stop but continue til i'm crying and then being held in his arms after because i did it for him and he knows it and appreciates it. It having him stop the enslavement process to explain in words to me what he has been doing and what he wants from me as property so it is consensual and conscious. It's caring about me and my feelings enough to adjust things if i start freaking out. Previously "submissiveheart" Edited 5 Feb 07, 11:49 PM by submissiveheart 12 Feb 07, 7:24 PM talullabella US, 5 yrs Y! Sirs_puppy wrote: tangie wrote: Sirs_puppy wrote: I think for many in the M/s world, if the Master has feelings for the slave then it is considered inappropriate and interferes with the power exchange. I've spent quite a bit of time reading what's said here, and, for the most part, have left my two cents out. This particular post seems to reitterate why I do so. I'm finding that Master and I are definitely in the minority when it comes to particular dynamics of a lifestyle relationship. I've never had reason to doubt his feelings for me, nor he mine. He never hesitates to use the dreaded "L" word, and for that I'm so very greatful. We are very affectionate and loving towards one another. (Of course I'm the more clingy and needy of the two. It simply wouldn't work it things were reversed.) We also tend to concentrate on a more practical 24/7/365 sort of D/s though. We don't always have time for long drawn out scenes three or four times per week. And I enjoy imensely being made love to by him. I love him for who he is, not how he may or may not want to do to me at any particular time. I guess, for me, D/s is more about just that. Domination and submission. Not necessarily the physical S&M that I find so many people here focusing on. Please don't think me critical in any way, though. I would never judge another's relationship. I just see things in a different light is all. I don't see showing your slave affection or 'romance' as a sign of weakness. I happen to think that Master is a very secure individual. He knows that I know my place in our household. He also knows that I would never do anything to disrespect him or his place. I take so much care to obey him in every way. And any scenes that take place are only enhanced by our love for one another. Loving him and knowing that he loves me makes me want to please him all the more. I guess you could say that I play many and varied roles in our relationship. I am a lover, friend, domestic, and most of all, his slave. I really would like to know if there are other couples about who have similar relationships. Questing Bear's lullabelle ~Honey, but I always could accessorize... And I never cared much for the money~Tori Amos 12 Feb 07, 7:48 PM little_linnet US, 6 yrs tangie wrote: People are paid to write "romantic" things for Hallmark. It doesn't impress me. What impresses me is someone who knows he didn't have to do something, but does it anyway Yeah, that! That's why I'm not in the slightest impressed with the usual kinds of "romantic" behavior: the courtly compliment, the dozen red roses, the jewelry, the candlelit dinner, even the "I just wanted to say I wuv you" call. All that stuff that seems to be written down in the Romantic Playbook, and it was authored by Hallmark, restaurateurs everywhere and the Florists Association. I don't want something out of a book of instructions. I don't care about behaviors that happen because "everybody knows" they're romantic, and therefore everybody feels obligated to go "awwwww' and get all mushy over them and give the person who does them Romantic Cred even though they're things I'm not personally the least bit interested in. I don't want a partner who feels like he has to suck up to me with extravagant compliments, I don't particularly care for red roses, I don't wear gold or silver jewelry and have no interest in diamonds or rubies. I can think of about a hundred things more interesting to do by candlelight than eat dinner and if a call to say "I wuv you" from my master comes at the wrong time it can throw me off for the entire day. What makes me melt is the things that show that even though he is not in the least bit obligated to court or please me, he knows what I love and he does things purely to see my face light up, or to make me feel better after a bad time. He's brought me home sweet pepper plants from the throwout bin at the nursery by his work because he thought if I were there, I'd rescue them. He's come home with my favorite frozen meal and said "I hope this is the right one". He gave me a labia piercing gift certificate for Longest Night, which terrifies the wits out of me, but still makes me feel warm inside, treasured, owned, given the gift of being decorated by him. He's brought me back down from a hysterical panic attack by making me suck his cock and chaining me to the floor by his desk. Nope, not interested in romance. I love the consideration and genuine kindness he shows me. Krista “I believe so,” Alice replied thoughtfully. “They have their tails in their mouths —- and they're all over crumbs.” Posting once a week: www.xanga.com/little_linnet