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	TSR : Web boards : Internal Enslavement : "Fear and Beginnings" 1 2 3 Fear and Beginnings (24) This post is on the Internal Enslavement web board. 15 Nov 06, 8:22 AM 678-111-340 US(CA), 5 yrs Masters_pussycat wrote: Philipy wrote: With regards to your fears over equality, every relationship is different of course, so I can't tell you how yours will be, but as I've said on other threads on here, for me, I see my slave as exactly equal to me and she always will be. The point is that she is equal and opposite, but she is in no way inferior to me. Philip Indeed, this girl believes her Master feels the same. Though fear of equality did striker her at one stage, Master put those thoughts to rest. Well said Philip. Okay, so now that it's coming from two people, I'm thinking it must be a problem with my definitions or how I view things somehow. 15 Nov 06, 11:35 AM Yarakot 6 yrs 678-111-340 wrote: This probably *is* a situation of "What the hell, leap!"...but like I said, I'm awful about making choices that close off other paths. It somehow bothers me. But that's something I just need to work on. I think we all have trouble with this. The people who have told you that some of what you desire will happen as a slave are right. However, it is also true that becoming a slave results in a narrowing of your options. As Joshua says, we walk a narrow path. I suspect that it is fairly normal to regret paths not taken, especially when you start this young, as you are doing. This is one of the substantial differences between people who begin this young and people who begin this after having substantial life experience. Those with a lot of life experience have much less to lose when it comes to a narrowing of options because they have already exercised many of their options. My recommendation to you is to search your soul and ask yourself whether there are any experiences or situations that you simply feel you must have before you die. One very common thing that women want is to have children but it is not necessarily this for you. Then ask your owner what he thinks of these desires. His answers will either comfort you or they will cause you to think in more depth about what matters most to you. Carolyn 15 Nov 06, 5:58 PM Philipy 6 yrs 678-111-340 wrote: This probably *is* a situation of "What the hell, leap!"...but like I said, I'm awful about making choices that close off other paths. It somehow bothers me. But that's something I just need to work on. I wonder if you are slightly, and subconciously, adding a bit to the basic bottom line here? Are you by any chance really saying,"...awful about making choices." Are you really saying that you don't want to choose this path because it might close off another, but actually you don't want to choose another either in case this is the right one after all? Are you like this about choices generally? If the answer is yes, then I'd say you have the makings of a typical slave. Many, if not most, slaves would say that no longer having to make decisions is one of the biggest advantages of slavery! 678-111-340 wrote: But I must admit, I'm curious...how do you reconcile your slave as both equal to you and utterly subordinate to you? I'm having a difficult time wrapping my mind around that one. Any insight you could offer would be greatly appreciated, and again, I thank you. Ok, I explained this on another thread a few months ago, but I can't find it now to point you to it, so others will have to ignore this post if they've seen it before! *LOL* I rationalise it to myself this way ( and I know that not everyone agrees with me, but it works for me!)... In a conventional vanilla modern marriage, in theory, the two partners are equal, sharing the costs, the chores, the decisions, taking equal responsibility for everything that affects their lives together. If you think of the relationship as a square, then the square is divided vertically down the centre and they are each exactly half, standing side by side. In an M/s relationship, exactly the same things still have to be done, bought, and decided, to keep life functioning. What changes is who does what, who contributes what, who decides what. So, the relationship can still be seen as a square but this time it is divided horizontally, with Master as the top half and slave as the bottom half...her contribution is still equally as important to the whole, without it 'the whole' wouldn't exist, if she is less than half as important than him then you would no longer have a perfect square. All of this of course relates purely to the interaction between the partners in the relationship, and has no relevance to social standing, job, income, intelligence, skills, talents, personal tastes, etc. Philip Edited 15 Nov 06, 5:59 PM by Philipy 15 Nov 06, 8:07 PM little_linnet US, 6 yrs Do or not do, there is no "try" Years ago a dear friend said to me: "It sounds like there's no such thing as stepping into slavery ... slavery is a huge freakin' leap." It is, oh, it is. I wonder if there is any way at all to ease the bottom line, which is that committing once and for all to be a slave is giving up your hold on the choices of what will happen to you later in life. The good news is that if and when your partner decides to enslave you, your difficulty making a decision about it won't matter. At least not if your experience is anything like mine. I remember that my master and I spent an evening in front of the fire (just over a year ago) talking haltingly, almost shyly about what we both wanted and needed. It ended with no definite resolution but the next day, when for some reason I felt a little panicky and told him I was having second thoughst about being property, he informed me that it was too late for that; he'd decided to own me and the decision was out of my hands. Maybe, if you feel deep inside that belonging to him is the right life for you, but you can't bring yourself to do something that feels like making a leap, you could ask your master to do something similar? You could ask him to think about what he considers to be best for you and then proceed as he sees fit. Make no mistake, you will have panicky times when you're sure this was the wrong thing and you were crazy to get yourself into it. If you're lucky, as I am, your master will hug you and tell you he understands your fear, but that he's not going to stop what he's doing and you *will* become his property. Krista When I say I am going home, I mean I am going to where you are. Posting once a week: www.xanga.com/little_linnet Edited 16 Nov 06, 5:39 AM by little_linnet 16 Nov 06, 5:02 AM Shadows_girl US, 5 yrs Krista is right it is a HUGE leap. One I struggled with for a while. After several bad realtionships both romantic and other wise I can be very jaded. I think its something that most every slave struggles with.. Its human nature we are programed to be able to take care of ourselves in order to be "grown ups" its getting past all that when you know its what you want and who you are. Just take a deep breath close your eye and jump. my bet is your Master will be there to catch you 16 Nov 06, 6:07 AM 678-111-340 US(CA), 5 yrs little_linnet wrote: Do or not do, there is no "try" Years ago a dear friend said to me: "It sounds like there's no such thing as stepping into slavery ... slavery is a huge freakin' leap." It is, oh, it is. I wonder if there is any way at all to ease the bottom line, which is that committing once and for all to be a slave is giving up your hold on the choices of what will happen to you later in life. The good news is that if and when your partner decides to enslave you, your difficulty making a decision about it won't matter. At least not if your experience is anything like mine. I remember that my master and I spent an evening in front of the fire (just over a year ago) talking haltingly, almost shyly about what we both wanted and needed. It ended with no definite resolution but the next day, when for some reason I felt a little panicky and told him I was having second thoughst about being property, he informed me that it was too late for that; he'd decided to own me and the decision was out of my hands. Maybe, if you feel deep inside that belonging to him is the right life for you, but you can't bring yourself to do something that feels like making a leap, you could ask your master to do something similar? You could ask him to think about what he considers to be best for you and then proceed as he sees fit. Make no mistake, you will have panicky times when you're sure this was the wrong thing and you were crazy to get yourself into it. If you're lucky, as I am, your master will hug you and tell you he understands your fear, but that he's not going to stop what he's doing and you *will* become his property. Krista I'm so glad I'm not (too) crazy; I'm obviously not the only person who struggles with this. I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear that. It's a long-distance relationship my Master and I have. He's coming out to visit in December, for the holidays; since I'm not as comfortable deciding things like this over the phone (although gods do we talk about it!) I will have a lot I will want to talk to him about then. Again, thank you all. At least now I know *what* to talk to him about, to ask him about. In fact, I'll probably tell him a lot of this tonight when he calls. I'm feeling much less freaked-out by it all, though. And that's always good. As much as we may ease around the edge of it at first...the jump point is eventually reached. 1 Dec 07, 1:58 PM Flowerbelle UK, 4 yrs Hello, this is my first post, and this is a subject very dear to my heart. I was terrified too, and fought like a demon against being a 'slave'. A lot of men had collared me, but they never stuck - i used to joke i had a teflon neck. I kept being drawn back to playing that i was collared - i loved the idea of it, but i just couldnt sustain it. What happened basically was that my Master forced me to take His collar. He broke me psychologically and forced His way through all my defences and fears, and once it was on and i had given in, it felt wonderful. I needed to be forced - another man i cared a lot about was waiting with his collar until i was ready, but i never would have been ready. My fears and mental baggage were so high that i needed to be taken and forced (but it wouldnt have worked if He hadn't been the right one, mind you!) That worked for me and i know we're all different. I so enjoy reading everyone's thoughts and finding out more, and feeling i'm not alone. All the best with your (hopefully) new Master! 1 Dec 07, 2:54 PM His_caitriona 5 yrs 678-111-340 wrote: I'm so tired of struggling this way. Master's been very patient, edging me along like this, and I appreciate it...but I want it to end already. I want to be able to take the dive into a M/s relationship and get that part of my mind to shut the hell up. Did any of you feel this way at first? Did you struggle with this? If you did, how did you get past it? Did it take long? Greetings, Based on my personal experience, what you're going through is normal and to be expected. As others have said, it's a huge leap when your relationship changes from (insert title of choice) to "slave." The biggest thing for me in being able to make that transition was trust. During moments of doubt I did my best to remind myself that he would never harm me purposefully, and that in every action there is some lesson for me - how to be pleasing, trust building, obedience, etc. I cannot change what he does, or always understand the "why" of it. What I can do is make sure that my attitude and perception of our relationship is in the right place. Master often tells me that it is more important to him that I make the effort/attempt at whatever it is he's asked of me than whether or not I am able to "succeed." That is something that I try to keep in mind when faced with difficulties. I wish you the best of luck on this new journey. Grace & Fire, caitriona 1 Dec 07, 5:56 PM Outlaws_dotsuwa US(OK), 4 yrs I have been reading along on this and honestly I can say your not alone I too have been terrified about giving up control, and a girl here was very helpful in what she said about giving up that control. By choosing to and doing so in steps which is what it has become for me I am slowly giving up control that when pushed I fight to keep, but when I can give up in a way that I'm not so overwhelmed and realizing that my dreams and goals are not tossed aside like casual phases it's helping me alot. In fact I start back to school within the next month or so to work towards my dream of becoming a pshycologist, and I get the joy of achieving those dreams with my Master right at my side, and when I become lax in my studies I know He will give me that push that I need to focus. Now I am not quite sure if we are D/s or M/s but which ever it might be we are very new at this for my past expierences arent good and it's a matter of relearning and regrowth to what it should be. Of course each M/s D/s relationship is different. Of course at the moment my limit list is quite up there but slowly I see my self pushing those limits till I am comfortable to let go of them, just as I do with control. Oh and here is a wonderful place to grow friendships and even gain advice there are some very good people here. Managed by Outlaw 'rappy' 2 Dec 07, 2:35 AM Dsdove US(MN), 4 yrs Although I cannot speak to the issues related to the age you are going through this, I can say that I have gone through a similar journey. My Master is long distance as well, and I am very new to the ideas of M/s. Master has been with me from the beginning (I met him online a few weeks after I started to really investigate the kinky community both online and locally). Our feelings for each other grew and our relationship developed as I learned more and more about what it was I wanted. I started out looking for someone who wanted to do a little light bondage! Now I've found the joy and comfort I get from serving Master and wish I had discovered this side of me when I was 21! I was in a 14 year relationship with a man who respected me for my strength and independence. He had no patience for any dependency (or weakness as he would put it). Imagine breaking those habits! One thing to keep in mind when you are feeling nervous is that your M/s relationship is unique to the two of you. The agreements and understandings that outline my relationship with my Master are quite different then other peoples. You will make something together that works for both of you! Good Luck! Master's sweet c Next page